Should I tell my boyfriend about my shady troubled past>?

Question

Been with my boyfriend for a year. We open up alot to each other. Hes asked me about my childhood i say it was great. I go to college and am well liked and popular with my friends there.

When i was 13 i was a troubled teen, i dressed and looked like marilyn manson,, i had problems at home with a verbally abusive father, i was hanging out till 3 am with older kids, i was sleeping around, I was also assualted by a friend at 13. When i was 14 I decided i wanted to change and be a normal girl. So I got new clothes and took the goth makeup off, I made nice friends.. and dropped the bad ones and the staying out late.
It was a new school in a diff area so no one knew about my past. My counselor in HS put me on the right path to college.
Do i have to tell my boyfriend or my friends about myself when i was 13?
It was a misreable time for me and sometimes i pretend that wasnt me or it didnt happen.
I feel if people knew they would look at me differently and stay away from me.

I'm also so scared of running into anyone from that time in my life i saw one guy i knew back then on the bus, i told him he had the wrong person when he said hi to me.

Answer 1

It doesn't sound like anything you need to tell him. I'm assuming the sleeping around didn't end with a pregnancy or incurable disease of course.

Answer 2

I always wondered what happened to those kids from high school who walked around like the living dead. It is great to know that you have transformed your life and are living well as a result.

Listen, no one on this earth is perfect. We have all made mistakes and done things that we aren't proud of. The fact is that you made a conscious decision to change your life and what happened in your past is now behind you. I can understand that you feel uncomfortable and think that people will judge you. But unless you have really shallow, superficial friends, I'm sure that they would appreciate knowing where you came from. People gather strength and inspiration from the struggles of others so don't hide who you were.

Everyone has a story and yours is one of strength that should be shared. Your "troubled past" says great things about your character and I would be honored to have a friend like you.

To answer your question: Yes, tell him.

Answer 3

Dont tell him or any of your friends, You made a mistake and you fixed it by the time you were 14, you are not that 13 year old.. You have to forgive yourself and move on, those people are out of your life you created a nice new one..

just let it die and be happy that at 14 you had the motivation to change..

Answer 4

You don't have to tell your boyfriend or your new friends if you don't want to or aren't comfortable telling them. I was in a similar situation where I went through a troubled few years. Afterwords I was pretty ashamed of all the things I had done and haven't told a lot of people about everything I've been through. However, I have opened up to my boyfriend and i found that it actually felt good to have someone who knew everything about me, the good and the bad.

So it all depends on how comfortably you feel. You are certainly not obligated to tell him. If you feel comfortable enough to open up to him though it could be rewarding and bring you guys closer.

Answer 5

Wow, what a past you've had. However, it probably isn't too terribly different than the life experiences of a lot of young girls. Your past is just that...past. It is not necessary to share every intimate detail with your boyfriend. If it ever comes up in a conversation, just say, "Yes, I was going through a difficult time." You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone finds out and feels differently toward you, then they weren't your friend to begin with.

Answer 6

Talk to him in person, but keep in mind of what your friend told you. You friend may not be lying and telling you the truth, but you need to ask your boyfriend about how he truly feels about you and the relationship. If it turns out he is not sure and does want to break up with you, then your friend is just giving you heads up that your relationship is not meant to be. He can be protecting you as well from getting hurt, but find out for yourself first and your boyfriend could have gotten a new phone or use the house phone to call you.

Answer 7

if you don't feel comfortable sharing that with him or anyone else right now then DON"T. If you guys last long then if you feel comfortable then tell him. That is something that is past, and you made a wise decision by changing and being the best you could be. People make a lot of mistakes and we learn from that. But don't reveal anything about your past that you don't feel comfortable doing so.

Answer 8

Tell him only as much as he needs to know and increase it as appropriate to the progression of the relationship.

Your life sounds very sweet and "normal" compared to mine! My father abandoned my mommy before I was born. I came to this country with my mommy in complete poverty when I was six. I endured language barriers and racial discrimination. I lost my virginity to a man in his late 20s when I was barely a teen and then went on a binge of sex and drugs for YEARS. My mommy died when I was 16 and I was on my own. Eventually, I entered into a same-sex relationship, and my girlfriend helped me straighten out over the next few years. I graduated HS with honors and a full scholarship, and am now an engineer with a great company and am on my own.

I find that a committed partner will not waver in his/her respect if you tell the truth, the admiration will only increase.

Answer 9

How long have you been dating? What do you hope to gain from telling him this? I would let sleeping dogs lie if I was you. Maybe if there was something long-lasting that could affect him, like you caught a STD from some goth freak or something, but in the absence of something like that, I say no. Just enjoy you for you and think of all the positive lessons you have learned. Kudos to you for getting out of a self-destructive lifestyle and into college. Education is the key to everything in our society.

Answer 10

Sometimes it better to leave the past where it happens...in the past. But in your case, it's better to tell the truth about your past before he hears it from someone else. Heck, after all you were only 13 when all of that happened. Plus, it could be a source of therapy for you too by simply getting this off of your chest.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Well, the answer is simple (im a guy). If he loves you he will not care what you did in the past. He might be disappointed, but it is nothing that will weaken your relationship and telling him something that deep about yourself will actually show him how much you care. If your going to tell him, make shure you guys are alone and you tell him in person... no e-mail or over the phone type thing.