An older guy where I live keeps making inappropriate sexual innuendos towards me and other women - he says it's my lack of sense of humour, and refuses to accept that his behaviour is wrong. An example of what he does is today, he said he wished i was younger so that he could 'internet groom' me. So what I'm asking is a) am i right to feel aggrieved? and b) what should i do about it? Thank you!
2007-06-15 09:45:31 · 28 answers · asked by Rach 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Yes, you have every right to feel aggrieved.
As much as I hate to say this, some guys will never get the message no matter how it's put to them, and this guy sounds like one of them. Try telling him his behaviour is inappropriate, but my guess is that it will be like talking to a wall.
There is two other things you can do, avoid him, if at all possible, if it isn't, just pretend he isn't there. The other thing I was going to tell you to do was move, but that wouldn't solve the problem for the other women in your building.
You might want to get with the other women in your building, and if his behaviour bothers them as much as it does you, you might just be able to co-ordinate something between yourselves to get the message through to this person.
2007-06-15 10:08:54 · answer #1 · answered by timmn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not feel comfortable confronting him, and if you are not in any danger, just tell him straight up that you don't appreciate that kind of talk, nor will you tolerate that kind of behavior. Have your friends go with you and back you up. If you approach it from a friendly angle and just tell him that the specific comments make you feel uncomfortable and you would like for him to stop. If he gives you a hard time and says it's just humor, then say well it's not funny to me and I'm not laughing. Tell him what you do think is funny, a certain show, or style of humor or a specific comedian. Even tell him a joke and say that's what I think is funny...
you have the right to feel anyway you want, especially let those around you know that this type of behavior makes you frustrated. If he still doesn't comply, avoid him or if it goes to far talk to the property manager or get a TPO. Seems that's the biggest problem today, people can be annoying and say the wrong things. Good luck!
2007-06-15 10:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by nonstp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't 'help him to realise'! You tell him forcefully that you do not think that humour is a part of it, he is wrong and offensive and that you will report him to the police - carry it through and do report him. If possible, get all the other women to talk to the police at the same time - ask for a community officer to come to your home and have the other women there too. This man is not only offensive but potentially dangerous to women and children. You owe it to others to make your opinion known to agencies who can deal with him. How would you feel if he did physically and/or sexually abuse another person and you hadn't made your fears known?
2007-06-15 15:35:22 · answer #3 · answered by annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to be miffed by his inappropriate sexual innuendos. He would like you to be younger?? for Internet grooming?? i hope there are no children living by you i would be seriously concerned.
you have 3 options
1. Tell him you find his remarks offensive and unsettling and ask him not to make any more.
2. Tell him you will tell all the parents in your local neighbourhood about his remarks you can see how many of them have a sense of humour failure or
and (my personal favourite)
3. Kick him where it really hurts.
My guess is number two will frighten the life out of him..stay well clear he is not worth the time you are wasting worrying about him.
Stay safe
2007-06-15 10:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Snub him.
You've told him that you don't want his sick talk directed at you.
You might want to try one more time.
Glare at him, and say "You DARE you says these things to me!"
Then, and thereafter, pretend he doesn't exist.
Don't hear anything he says to you. Don't look directly at him, look around him, as though he doesn't exist.
You can't change him.
The only way you can let him know that his behavior violates all human decency is to refuse to acknowledge his existence.
Oh, and YES, you are right to object to being treated as a thing that exists only for his perverted pleasure.
BTW, does he have any female relatives, such as a daughter?
Your last communication might be to ask "How would you like someone saying this to your daughter" (sister, mother -- whoever you think exists). If you've already suggested this, then just cut him off.
He doesn't exist.
He doesn't use language, he makes unintelligible sounds.
Pretending someone doesn't exist is the biggest cut.
Use it.
2007-06-15 16:43:49 · answer #5 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you're describing is sexual harassment. Where do you see this man? I assume he's your neighbor and you see him in passing?
Give him one warning. Say "You may call it humor, but it's harassment. The next time you make an inappropriate remark to any woman here, we're filing a police report."
Then follow through. Nothing bad will happen to him, but it will be on file in case anything ever happens and he will probably get a warning. At least he'll know you're not joking and he's not funny.
2007-06-15 09:53:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound young, so you should be respectful but firm.
Tell him (without swearing or yelling) that what he is doing is wrong and you are going to report him if he doesn't stop.
Then (i assume he won't stop) you need to have a man, dad or someone older to talk to him about his behaviour. You feel threatened and don't want him to talk to you this way..
If that doesn't do it then a policeman might have to talk to him. You don't have to press charges, just ask them if they will just talk to him as he is senile and annoying the women where you live.
Don't ever joke with him as it will only encourage him. He sounds like he might be getting senile..
But you are right in that if you don't feel comfortable then when he knows he needs to back off and not talk to you that way..
hope this helps.
2007-06-15 09:53:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some other women in your building and file a sexual harassment complaint aginst him with the manager, and some Governemnt Organzation if you can. It's best to have a Third Party involved, as people resent having to handle these things, and the ones supposed to handle it might harass you worse. Which is why I say get some women to go with you to the manager if you can.
2007-06-15 09:53:06 · answer #8 · answered by Baron Draconis 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are offended by this, it is unacceptable, and if there is any repeat, you will make a complaint against him to the local constabulary.
You might also suggest that if it went that far, the police would probably want to examine his computer.
Make sure you take action if he does it again.
2007-06-15 09:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What this man is saying to you is VERY wrong !
You are right to be concerned. Is there another person , a older person, that you could talk to about this ?, someone needs to have a serious talk with this man.
If you are old enough to do it yourself tell him to leave you alone, his behaviour is not funny, it is perverted and dangerous !!!!
2007-06-15 09:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋