My Maid of Honor don't want to be in my wedding because she does not like the dress. What should I do?

Question

I have two MOHs. One is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. I have been knowing my high school bf for over 10 years. When I showed her the dress she said she don't like the dress nor her arms being out and will not be in the wedding. At first I was not upset until she call me later that night asking me if we are still friends. That call left me thinking, is it something else more than the dress. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think that if your "friend" was really a "friend" she would be honored to be your MOH whether you asked her to wear a smashing gown...or a chicken costume. This is very childish and ridiculous. Use the college bf and tell the high school one she's invited to attend the wedding as a guest.

Answer 2

She probably only asked you that because she is worried you do not want to remain friends with her if she backs out of your wedding. In some ways I sort of straddle the fence on the issue ofbridesmaids dresses. On one hand I think it is the choice of the bride, but on the other hand I think it is gracious to let the MOH and bridesmaids have some input. I think the bride should choose different styles and let the MOH and BM's also choose some styles and then decide together. Too many times a bride will choose a dress that costs a small fortune and just expect the MOH and BM's to purchase it, no questions asked or they pick a dress that does not flatter all of the women and then expect them to just blindly go ahead no matter how bad they think they will look. If you want her in your wedding then be willing to compromise, afterall do you really want her to look bad or feel uncomfortable. Maybe you can find a similar style that would flatter her. There is no reason they all have to wear the same style.

Answer 3

You have a couple of choices here . .

You can accept she does not like the dress, and she does not want to be in your wedding party. Have her do a Reading during the ceremony instead. She can wear her own dress then, and you can still remain good friends.

Ask her if you would like to wear the dress with a jacket or stole. The jacket or stole will cover her arms. You can also consider a different style of dress (with arms) but the same color for your two Maid of Honors (they do not have to be the same).

There is no need to break up a friendship over a dress.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 4

Did you take anybody with you when you searched for Bridesmaid dresses? If you did was she invited along with other attendants to go with you to help pick out dresses that suit everybody?

If she was invited let her know that had she gone with you when you asked she would have had a say in what was chosen, but now she should deal with the dress. Who knows it may even look better on her when she puts it on.

I myself would wonder if there is more, maybe she can't afford the dress and she is scared to tell you. Why don't you sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart and find out if there is more behind her decision.

If she comes out and says it is because she does not like the dress let her know that it can't be changed and she had an opportunity to give her opinion during the selecting phase. If it is money maybe you can help her out paying for the dress or you can give her another job in the ceremony (like a speech, poem, reading, etc.) that won't have her paying for an expensive dress.

Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 5

Very few bridesmaids like the dress their friend has chosen. It's just a fact of life. Every bride finds really cute dresses that she's just SURE her bridesmaids will be able to wear again. Every bridesmaid hates the dress and is just SURE the bride wants to surround herself with the ugliest possible dresses to make herself look better by comparison. LOL!

There may be something more going on here than just the dress. Did you two have a fight over the dresses? Would you be willing to choose a different dress, or has the other MOH already purchased hers?

While the wedding day may be all about how beautiful you look, a considerate bride will choose dresses that are modest and flattering to her bridesmaids. After all, the women you chose to be in your wedding are supposed to be women who are important in your life, who will support you on your big day as well as in the rest of your marriage. You want your best friends to look wonderful in the pictures you will cherish for the rest of your life.

Talk with your friend to find out what is really going on. It could really be that she hates her arms, or it could be that she doesn't support your marriage and doesn't want to be a part of it. But if she's really your best friend, you should be able to have a heart-to-heart about it.

Answer 6

When she called, she asked that because weddings cause a lot of stress on relationships and friendships and families. It may only be the dress, but it could be something more.

IMO if you really want her in the party, see if you can find a dress that you both agree on. Or just deal with her not being in the wedding and invite her as a guest.

Answer 7

If the dress upsets her enough that she's willing to drop out of the wedding, try to talk to her. It sounds as though she's incredibly uncomfortable having her arms completely exposed. Could you offer a compromise, such as a small jacket or shawl she could wear with the dress?

The fact that she called actually makes me think it's more a problem of body image than friendship. Some women just can't be comfortable exposing a lot of skin or upper arms they think are too flabby. If all she wanted was a convenient excuse to blow you off and end the friendship, she wouldn't have called you back.

Talk to her. Whatever is going on, it's worth a bit of effort to save a ten year friendship with someone you asked to stand by your side as you marry the man you love.

At least then if it turns out the friendship can't be saved, at least you know you tried.

Answer 8

It might be something else. Maybe she's having money troubles.

I am a large woman and have a bad scar on my arm. When my sis-in-law (now) invited me to be in her wedding, I was appalled at the dresses because they were sleeveless and I NEVER expose my upper arms. We compromised with me wearing a scarf around my shoulders that hid my upper arms.

Maybe you should talk to your friend and tell her it means a lot to you that she's in the wedding and see what the real problem is. If you want her there and the dress is the problem, then be flexible. If the dress is more important, but she's still coming to your wedding, see if she can be the attendant for the guestbook, OR if she would be willing to help you as everyone is getting ready before the wedding. You need someone to "be in charge" because things will be nuts! She could bring the sewing kit, safety pins, etc and make sure everything is perfect before you walk down the aisle. :)

Good luck!

Answer 9

I don't know what to think, maybe it has to do with the dress or maybe something in the past, but you have to talk to her and ask her, why aren't you coming to the wedding? Is it really because of my dress or is there something you want to tell me? But whatever it is don't stress about it ok and If best friend doesn't want to be there, then don't let it bug you, at least you have a Maid of honor from college, who will be there..You have to be strong and be happy that your getting married and don't worry about your best friend, she's just being selfish..Hope this helps

Answer 10

Lose the selfish bit*h. It's your wedding and it's your special day. How would she feel if the roles were reversed? Would you ever do that to one of your friends? A MOH is supposed to support and stand by the bride, not back out because she thinks her arms are fat or whatever! One MOH is enough... Enjoy the day!