My son is 5 now and Father's Day has really been a non-issue for our little family. His father has no contact with us at all. (Nor do I care to. I make enough money to earn a comfortable living for the both of us.)
I've always had my son make cards for my father and brother (his grandfather and uncle) since they are his only prominent male figures in his life. This year, my father has asked me not to even bring up the topic of Father's Day since he is worried my son is getting to the age where he is asking more questions.
I've always told my son that there are many types of families out there: some only have mommies and some only have daddies, some have grandparents or aunts and uncles and there are some families that just have people that love and take care of them.
Do you think that it is wrong to go against my father's wishes? I want to make it clear to my son that just because his father isn't there, it doesn't make our family "wrong" or "incomplete."
2007-06-15 08:52:25 · 15 answers · asked by lololo_and_lalala 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I would definitely acknowledge 'father's day'. After all as you mentioned your Dad and Brother are father figures to your son. You need to raise your son to respect these people and honor them on this day. As far as your son asking questions, yes eventually he will. Might not be today or tomorrow, but eventually he will. You will have to tell him some time or another. Just answer what he asks with no more detail than he can understand or handle at this age. There is nothing wrong with your family. There is no wrong family. Look around you..you have families with two moms, two dads, no moms, no dads. Times are changing and this won't be such as issue to your son. Probably half of his friends will not be in a traditional family of mom, dad, and child.
2007-06-15 08:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by zento1110 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe this year you could leave it up to your son to decide if he wants to give a card to uncle and grandpa. You can either ask if he wants to or wait for him to mention it. If it's pushed on him he may start wondering about his own father sooner than he's ready.
Your dad is right that your son will start asking questions soon. With my daughter, it started with pre-school when she realized that other kids have dads and she didn't.
You didn't ask, but I'll offer this advice anyway. Don't tell him anything until he asks. Kids are so much smarter than most give them credit for, and if they can think of the question, they can handle the answer. Just be sure to only answer the question; no more, no less. Ex. when my daughter was 8 she said "tell me about my dad" I asked "what do you want to know?" she replied "everything". I told her "no, you ask me any question you want and I will tell you the answer". She was satisfied with this, and to this day (she's a teen now) this is how we handle it.
And whether you take this advice or not, however you decide to handle his questions as they come should be discussed with your family. It's important for your family to know how you want to handle it so they can respect your wishes; and they may even suggest some things that you haven't thought of.
2007-06-15 09:43:11 · answer #2 · answered by M S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't insulate your son from Father's Day any more than you can insulate him from Christmas. It's out there. The sooner your son learns to deal with it the better.
Sounds as if you have been doing all the right things so far in teaching him that there are many different kinds of families.
You can not let your dad or anyone else dictate how you raise your child.
2007-06-15 09:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
growing up with the same situation, my mom told me out right. i was a little sad, but then she explained it and it didnt bother me.. the way i figured it was, if i never knew him, how could i miss him ya know... as a mom you do the best you can raising your kid.. there are alot of single parents.. he doesnt know his dad, or doesnt see him, so it wont be a piece of news that will ruin his life.. he barely knows this guy.. but at the same time, you dont want him to turn around when he is old enough to understand and hold it against you and ask why you never told him about his father.. if he gets upset for a day or 2..he will get over it, hes young.. but atleast you told him and didnt hide anything.. he is your kid, but he is still a person.. and you dont lie, or keep secrets from people you love..even if it may hurt them.. just be honest.. in the end..it will save you from those difficult questions, like why didnt you tell me..later on down the road!
he will be fine..
2007-06-15 09:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by Florida~Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i to was a single mother before i met my husband. On fathers day we celebrated us being together not any certain person. We would spend the day together and do special things to just enjoy each other. its still a tradition in our little family. U have it right about the families not all of them are the same. Just take fathers day to spend time together its ur day u r his mother and his father. And thats the hardest job ever. You have to do everything I know how you feel on that one. When your son is older he will respect u for it and make him a better person then having to parents. hell be so much stronger. Have fun this fathers day u deserve it
2007-06-15 09:01:41 · answer #5 · answered by squirrellchica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have absolutely got the right idea. I think that he should give them gifts or cards or whatever. if they are his male influences, then they should be recongnized if that's wht you want. It reinforces your idea that you dont' need a "biological" father to make the family complete. You are right.......there are lots of different families and skirting the issue is like hiding something. Yes, someday he will ask questions, and you will tell the truth. sometimes, they just want a simple answer and then they forget they even asked. it's the adults that get paranoid and dwell on these things......not kids so much. especially if that's how he grew up. it's just things as usual for him.
2007-06-15 10:32:47 · answer #6 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't asked about it you don't have to go into depth about it becuase he may not really understand and he may only understand parts of it. Those parts may make him confused and maybe even feel bad. Kids tend to look at other kids when they first start learning about something and really compare themselves to them, so you don't want him to start that before he can understand the situation completely. I think it's great you still use fathers day and make cards for grandpa. What exactly is your dad trying to tell you? I think you two should talk about it more to get a better understanding.
2007-06-15 09:00:21 · answer #7 · answered by throughthebackyards 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain this to your father. There is no reason he cant get a card just because your kids dad is a moron!
Pretty soon though, I would talk to your son and let him know that he has a dad, but his dad really wasnt ready for him and isnt around. It sounds harsh, but children do better knowing (if told gently and not pushed), than finding out later, or getting teased.
2007-06-15 08:57:09 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father is mistaken. He is trying to avoid a problem, but his approach is midguided. Your son is going to have questions about his father at some point no matter what you do. You should keep honoring the father figures in his life on Father's Day. It's the right thing to do.
2007-06-15 08:56:24 · answer #9 · answered by MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
We used to give our mom a father's day card because she was both mother and father to us.
Being a mother or father is a role that we take on...it doesn't necessarily mean the biological processes.
2007-06-15 08:57:48 · answer #10 · answered by tarshauna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋