Should I make myself uncomfortable in order to make other people comfortable?

Question

Due to chemotherapy, I have lost my hair. I shaved what little was left, so I'm completely bald. You loose thirty to fifty percent of your body heat through your head, so wearing something on the head just traps in heat. This overheats me to the point that I feel faint, even in shops. I was talking to Mum and one of her friends and announced that I no longer care what other people think. I'm not wearing hats or head-scarves or wigs. If people don't like the sight of a young-ish (I'm 29) bald woman, they needn't look. Mum saw no problem with it. She said if I'm comfortable, who cares. The friend said that there are times that we should do things simply to make other people comfortable.

Who is right? Mum and I, or the friend?

Answer 1

I think you are ALL right. She said "there are times when you do something to make others feel comfortable and you are uncomfortable." and this is true. HOWEVER, this is not one of those times.

In this day and age many MANY people know someone dealing with chemo and hair loss - I am 100% sure your appearance does not offend anyone in the slightest.

Now on the flip side if you were going somewhere special like to a wedding or something I think I would wear a scarf or something.

Answer 2

You and Mum are right in this situation, anyway. Can the paraplegic or the quardriplegic cover up their infirmaties? Can an amputee? I'm a teacher....I had a wonderful girl in my class who had been severely burned as a child over 80% of her body and has had countless skin grafts. She was comfortable enough to wear short sleeves when she needed to (her sweat glands were destroyed); I assure you....there is no covering up her countless scars -- or her lack of eyelashes or eyebrows....or little stubs of fingers.

On the other hand, in a completely other setting -- say you got to your auntie's for dinner and she started to say nasty things about someone. You wouldn't embarrass her in her own home, would you? You might put up with that kind of discomfort and speak with her privately about it at a later time. You cannot have a guest feeling uncomfortable -- or having the host feel uncomfortable.

Two different examples.

Answer 3

Both. There are times when you might be uncomfortable to make others comfortable, but I don't think this is one of those times. People shouldn't care if you have a full head of hair or no hair. I say forget the wigs and scarves and just do what makes yourself happy.

Answer 4

Yes, there are times that we should do things simply to make other people comfortable. And this is not one of them. Take off the hat, sister! To be honest, I am always humbled when I see a bald young woman out in public. I notice they are usually smiling and bright eyed, and it always makes me stop and consider all they've gone through, and the fact they are out enjoying life, and not appearing self conscious at all (though they may be). I try to remember this when I am moping and not wanting to go out because I think I look fat that day, and then think GEEZ I'm pathetic! So no, you don't make me uncomfortable. You inspire me, and remind me what life is really about.

Answer 5

Some people define a "Lady" or a "Gentleman" as someone who is willing to put the people around them at ease and consider their comfort in the things they say and do.

That being said - I wish there were more Ladies and Gentlemen in the world!

I think that your situation is very different. Someone who has changed their looks on purpose (i.e. shaving ones head / tattoos / etc.) or other means (i.e. male pattern baldness / losing a limb or eye / etc.) should never feel compelled to hide or cover up what is different about them.

I think people, in general, need to learn acceptance and compassion and stop trying to make everyone in the world "fit" into their "picture" of how things should be.

Answer 6

My heart goes out to you for under going chemotherapy. You have all of my prayers for a full recovery.
This is not a question of who is right and who is wrong. You have the right to wear what you want, anyway you wish to wear it.
I think that you are self conscious about being hairless. I don't blame you one bit. I would be feeling the same way.
It is very admirable that you are concerned about the feelings of others. I applaud you for this. What you perceive as making people uncomfortable when you enter a room is very real to you. And you probably are right, some people will react with shock when they see you. For most people, they quickly come to their senses and replace their feelings of uneasiness with feelings of sadness towards you.
They probably understand that chemotherapy will do that and wonder what you are being treated for and are cheering inside that you have the courage to go out in public.
Just like any adult over 6'8" or under 4', anyone that weighs over 400 pounds, anyone with an arm or leg missing, or anyone with a facial abnormality, people are not used to seeing people like this. To most, you are just a curiosity, and then, just another person.
I would talk to your doctor to see if there are any self help groups of cancer survivors in your area. I am sure that there is someone out there that can answer your questions and make you more accepting of yourself and give you more tolerance towards others.
In your home, you should try to make people comfortable, like turning on the air conditioning, offer them food or drink, etc. Outside of the home, you are not responsible for that.

Answer 7

People every day bend and make themselves uncomfortable so that other, less considerate humans can be in their comfort zone. There is a limit, and it is BS anyway because it is so petty. Now your situation is NOT petty. YOU have gone through enough and everyone needs to be respectful of your comfort zone and leave you the F*CK alone. do what makes you happy honey - a bald head is no big deal... f*cking as*holes!!

Answer 8

You and your mother are correct. You are the one who has undergone chemotherapy, so your comfort comes before that of a random stranger.

Anyone who is upset because you have lost your hair is the one with an emotional disturbance.

Answer 9

You should listen to your mum. There is no point in making yourself uncomfortable b'cause other people may not want to see you bald head.
If they don't like it, than they don't have to look.
Plus, lately I've been seeing more & more bald chics(by choice). I think it may becoming a trend.

Answer 10

it is simply human nature to react whenever we notice something different from the usual.

so although i agree that you would want to accept your situation (and happily, your mom supports you!), you should just be aware that humans will be humans.

if you could keep an open and understanding mind, with dollops of humor, even towards that friend who made that comment, then you could save your energies for the things that really matter.

best wishes and take care!