Okay, me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years. We live together and have a child together. Before he and I became a couple, he was with his ex girlfriend and they have children and had a house together. He has visitation with his kids and of course his ex doesn't like me and tries to make his life a living hell by always taking him to court for dumb stuff (obviously she still wants him and hasn't gotten over their relationship yet). He's finally getting the house thing situated where he'll be off the deed.
Last year in the beginning of the year, he asked if I was ready to take it to the "next" level with him. Of course I asked more questions about what that meant and it was marriage.
We are going on three years being together and he still hasn't proposed to me. He was with his ex for 8 years and never proposed to her.
Could this be a pattern for him? Is he in a comfort zone? How long should I wait???????
2007-06-15 08:23:41 · 26 answers · asked by jamaica1_9 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
These are all good answers. Just to clarify - he has never been married. Just an ex girlfriend.
2007-06-15 09:16:43 · update #1
Sounds like a pattern, much like the "Why buy a cow when the milk is free?" approach
2007-06-15 08:27:24 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think it is very likely you are indeed wasting time. I'm not saying anything for sure. Actually, I think it depends on your age. Are you 19? If so, then I actually commend your boyfriend for having the sense to wait. An 18 month old daughter is a terrible reason to get married. Being in love, wanting to make the other person's life easier, knowing the other person's flaws and loving them anyway, understanding that you are going to fight but there is no one else in this world you would rather fight with, not being able to bare the pain when you know you have hurt your partner.... Those are good reason to get married. The length of time you have been dating and the fact you messed up the birth control are not good reasons. However, if you're 25-28... This is the point in most people's live when I think they have a general idea of who they are what they want out of life. I think dating at this stage in your life is absolutely fine but I also think that within 6 months to a year (depending on past relationship history, the greater number of past relationships = less amount of time required) to figure out if you want to marry a person. Not in a wishy-washy 'well, one day' sort of way but a 'yes, i want to spend the rest of my life with this person'. Even if you still wait a few years, you should know. IF you don't KNOW within that time frame, the person you are with is not the one for you.
2016-05-21 03:13:29 · answer #2 · answered by arla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because, why should he? You are giving him all the priveleges associated with being married, without the commitment or being married. You are living in his home, having sex and have a child together and you are not even married. In my world, I get married, then move in and have sex, then the children come. You put the cart before the horse and now you expect the horse to pull the cart, it doesn't work that way. I would tell him that he needs to marry you now or you are through. You can go too the courthouse and be married in a week's time.
You know who I feel sorry for? The kids. Not you, not him, not the ex- the kids. They have to spend the rest of their lives in broken homes due to the stupidity of their parents.
This is a pattern for him, Shack Up, Knock up, move on. but only because you women allow him to do this. If you made a man respect you and marry you before you had sex or shacked up, your life would be much simpler and free of this drama.
2007-06-15 08:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but you are having this conversation with the wrong people. You really ought to sit down and just ask him what is up. If you want marriage, then you should get it. If not, then maybe he is not the guy for you. Even so, marriage or not, he is responsible for your child. So he is really in a pickle if it turns out this IS a pattern. Some couples' counseling may well be in order for you. Make him go. You don't want to marry this guy until you know what is going on and where you stand. Good luck!
2007-06-15 08:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's TOTALLY a pattern for him... living with the girlfriend, getting her pregnant, telling her what she wants to hear (he wants to go to the "next level"), then moving on when it comes time for the real work of the relationship.
Problem is, you now have a child with him, so he will never be out of your life.
Could it be that he was starting to see you before he broke up with his ex and that's why she doesn't like you? Could it be that he doesn't take care of his responsibilities and that's why she's taking him to court so often?
I feel sorry for you, the ex, and all the kids.
2007-06-15 08:30:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is easy. There is no compelling reason You gave the milk for free and are continuing to keep the store open.
A guy will marry you if he wants to.
If he doesn't want you to be available for another guy and if it gets him sex. That will do it.
Face it.... he is just on a free ride.
Even if you were able to 'convince' him to marry you ..that would be the beginning of your troubles. Do not put any stock in this guy or hope.
Now that you have a child together....you are limited in your options.
Best to get married before you 'put out'. Of course we already know that. That is not a judgement just a fact.
2007-06-15 08:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by Mike R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once burned, twice shy. He is weighing his options. Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free. He is taking advantage of you. If you continue to live with without benefit of clergy, you've made your bed, now lie in it. If you decide to show respect for yourself, you tell him, "Make an honest woman out of me, or leave." The ball is in your court. Most men will gladly continue to get what they can, while they can. It takes commitment from both parties to make a marriage work. Good luck.
2007-06-15 08:30:29 · answer #7 · answered by Hi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would wait for as long as it takes him to ask. Why push it on him? Hes obviously dealing with all the bs from the first relationship ...im sure he just wants to get that all situated before getting married for the 2nd time. Also, Im sure he wants to make sure it wont happen again. Marriage is just a piece of paper. You have all the time in the world to get married. Just relax and stop stressing about it. I was with my husband for 6 years before we got married. Just cuz it never really crossed my mind to really need to get married. good luck
2007-06-15 08:29:25 · answer #8 · answered by JesseNevaehsMommy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm going to take the other side and say 'what does it really matter'?
You are in a common law marriage, and if you really want a ring on your finger, you can ask him about it - tell him there are good tax benefits (its true).
But really, what will change if you got married? You can still break up (divorce) so nothing is a promise of forever.
And wow you guys are a bunch of jerks for saying 'if he doesn't want to marry you, then he doesn't love you' and 'how could you possibly have premarital sex'.
Marriage is not about tricking guys to commit to you. Jesus!
2007-06-15 08:28:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he was divorced before, I can understand why he has not proposed to you yet.. coz most divorced men think 5x before commiting into another marriage (because of the trauma from previous relationship). But if he was not married before and has kids.. and broke up with his ex... I am not sure what his thinking is? Probably that's his lifestyle... he tries to avoid divorce in the future in case your realtionship will not work.
2007-06-15 08:29:50 · answer #10 · answered by pinaytechie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He did it once and it sounds like he is doing it again. He was as good as married then as he is now and probably has little motivation for make it official.
In my opinion it helps to wait before your married to have kids and live together.
I have quite a few friends who got pregnant and expected to get married and not one of them is married to this day.
2007-06-15 08:31:44 · answer #11 · answered by *Rumer*Severin* 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋