I have been dating a born-again Christian for about 5 months now (I am a born-again Christian also). We have since the start of the relationship questioned each other's beliefs to make sure we were on the same page and not dating each other in vain. All along it seemed we agreed on the basics, such as how to become a Christian, what it means to be a Christian, the importance of church, and also major moral issues. Now we have figured out that we disagree on the more in-depth issues such as speaking in tongues, prophecy, modern-day miracles and a few other things. How important is it that a couple agree on EVERYTHING that has to do with their Christian beliefs?
2007-06-15 07:59:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Thanks so much for your answers so far! I would really hate this issue to break me and my boyfriend apart. I really liked the one who said that sometimes you have to agree to disagree. He is the one that thinks speaking in tongues is of the devil basically, and I'm sorta on the fence about that, as my church supports the theory that it's a gift from God. I'm taking him to church with me this Sunday for the first time and am praying it goes well and that we can have another really good discussion about all this.
2007-06-15 08:08:46 · update #1
The most important thing is that both of you are genuine Christians - that both not only call God your Savior, but have submitted your lives wholly to Him; that you walk daily with Christ; that you read and follow scripture; and that you love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.
We all have our own opinions about various issues. Hopefully, that won't be a wedge that drives you apart.
I think that one important thing for marriage, however, is to be "missionally compatible." What are you goals in life? What is it that you believe God has in store for you? If they differ drastically (you want to eventually be a missionary and he feels his mission field is doing his job here in the U.S.), then that could be a major roadblock.
My wife and I disagree on some points...but those are really moot. We have the same ideas on the fundamentals and both love God. We have similar ideas about our "mission fields." And we love each other.
God bless!
2007-06-15 08:21:07 · answer #1 · answered by TWWK 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you really think you're gonna find a person who agrees with everything you believe? Not gonna happen, it sounds like you have a pretty good match though. Don't get caught up in "religion" all the petty stuff that separates Christians. When you get to heaven, Jesus isn't gonna ask what you thought about speaking in tongues or about women preachers. All that matters is you acknowleged Him for who He is and lived your life for him. He doesn't count how many people you raised from the dead or how many prophecies you made. I personally do believe in those things and think they are wonderful, but it's not a really a part of the big picture. If these issues cannot separate you and God, why would you let it separate you and a significant other?
2007-06-15 08:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by melissa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you both engage together in an in-depth Bible study to find out what God says about these issues that you disagree on. I mean, study the Bible itself, not a comentary of someone else's opinion. If it is God's will for you to be together, He will bring you together in your beliefs.
God does not want confusion, and I doubt He wants married couples to be in disagreement about spiritual issues. Especially, as you mention, if your guy thinks that tongues is from the devil. That would be a major stumbling block. Personally, I do believe in the gift of tongues, and I have read the Bible and seen what it says on the issue.
2007-06-15 09:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by BaseballGrrl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a pastor, I would disagree that speaking in tongues or miracles or prophecy are the major issues. Focus on Jesus as the only way to heaven. Major on the majors and don't worry about the minor things. It is okay to agree to disagree.
2007-06-15 08:02:12 · answer #4 · answered by upnorthguy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You couldn't possibly agree on everything. Even if you did agree on this stuff, too, you'd find something even more granular than that where you don't see eye to eye.
Remember that of the three theological virtues - faith, hope, and love, love comes first! That is what you must always remember in a faith-based relationship.
That and the words of James: "Does a spring gush forth from the same opening both pure and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, produce olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can salt water yield fresh. Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show his works by a good life in the humility that comes from wisdom." (James 3:11-13)
Show your faith in God and one another by what you do - not by which one of you can out-smack the other with theology. :)
2007-06-15 08:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by evolver 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Over time, you will both go through religious belief changes. So your relationship and communication with one another is much more important than doctrinal differences in regards to tongues.
BUT if you are finding these issues are causing strife in your relationship today, one of you is a very controlling person, and the relationship is doomed to fail.
I started off as a Born Again with a Catholic wife. My wife is still a sunday/easter Catholic, but I am an Atheist. My beliefs have changed dramatically over time, but my relationship is still fine.
Communication and personal relationships are far more important than biblical doctrine, because doctrinal beliefs are bound to shift and change.
Good luck, and hang in there.
2007-06-15 08:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by ɹɐǝɟsuɐs Blessed Cheese Maker 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I love your question , but I don't have the answer. God says in His Word "be not unequally yoked " that means don't marry an unbeliever , if you are saved. You are both saved , but have important issues. The only way you will get the answer , is from God. Fast and pray for three days and seek Him and He will answer you , if you are coming to Him with a sincere heart.
God bless you.......
2007-06-15 08:04:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's likely you will find someone you agree with on every single topic. Obviously if he says you must speak in tongues to be a Christian and you don't feel that way you might want to talk and research this.
2007-06-15 08:03:35 · answer #8 · answered by Seeking answers in Him 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the basics are most important. One of our leaders at church feels that you can be unequally yoked with a believer (i.e. one who doesn't agree on the gifts of the spirit), but the bible really only tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Your differences on these issue will probably cause headaches, but I don't think it has to be a fatal blow to your relationship.
2007-06-15 08:02:59 · answer #9 · answered by Rossonero NorCal SFECU 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not that important. You have the most important things in agreement, and you care about each other. I think the rest you should put in the Lord's hands and ask him for the answer. He'll never steer you in the wrong direction.
2007-06-15 08:05:25 · answer #10 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋