I am not being discriminative to anyone, by asking for Christians, I just need help with these particular peoples beliefs because I am a Christian. I have two boys, 10 and 14. This week they lost their 16 year old stepsister. Terrible, but a fact of life and I am asking for advice on how to help my kids deal with this. They are taking things well as for now, but the funeral is tomorrow, and I am worried as to how they are going to take this. They haven't experienced death, let alone a siblings death. Can anyone give me some advice, any would be great. Thanks so much. My worry is them blaming God or turning against him.
2007-06-15
07:21:47
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17 answers
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asked by
LilbitFiery:)
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in
Family & Relationships
➔ Family
Lovely..... This is why I asked this question. I know that a natural human reaction is to blame God and I am their mom, another words, I am the one they turn to for their problems and I just want to be there and do the absolute best for them during this time. I know they are well now, and hoping they will be well later, but just praying they don't blame God. I do tell them what everyone (Christians) have said on here. I just wanted to make sure I am doing right. I guess I am a little out of it too.
2007-06-15
07:35:43 ·
update #1
Thank you Angel! We need all the prayers we can get. I am very greatful for all the kindness I have seen today. I really needed the reassurance that I am doing right.
lind h........I will read this book with the kids, thanks so much.
2007-06-15
08:27:35 ·
update #2
God Bless you all for your sweet words of encouragement and faith in God. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I was given up at 2 yrs. old so being a mom is hard for me. Not to mention the only family I have is two sisters. I don't know my parents. I just want to do good for my kids. The help on here has been great!
God Bless you all and thank you again.
2007-06-15
08:31:19 ·
update #3
when my friend died, (his wife is pregnat with there first baby) i was sooo angry at God i yelled at him and cursed him and didnt want anything to do with him...i think this is a natural reaction to death especily someone close...but my parents and other belivers just kept telling me you cannot be mad at God he has a plan, just everything they could but it still didnt help...my anger didnt go away until GOD showed me why and his reason...i saw what happend to my friend after his death i relized why she married him he changed her for the better, shes going to be ok...just be there for your sons ask them how they feel remind them God does have a plan and a reason and she is with him now. they will be ok...i'm sorry for your loss...
**** I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job being there for them. It's very likley blam God and nobody wants that but you cant really prevent it. But God WILL show them truth and light. Maybe they don't blam him at all. All you can do in this time is listen, read some bible verses that will help with this situation. Give them plenty of hugs and kisses. God will not let them turn away, i'm very stubborn and hard headed and God got me back quickly...it actually made me a stronger beliver. He has a plan for this, maybe to bring the family closer...all you can do is talk to them and listen...i hope i helped in some way.*****
2007-06-15 07:26:49
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answer #1
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answered by lovely 3
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You are going to have to deal with this one day at a time, just like they do. See if there is a grief counselor at your church, if not there, there are Christian Counseling Centers. The most important thing is for you to be there for them and talk to them about it. If they ask those hard questions and if you don't have the answers, tell them you don't, and try to find the answers together. They are also old enough that they should have a solid enough faith to not blame God, although everyones faith gets shaken from time to time. Sometimes kids have more faith than grown ups do because the word hasn't showed them so much bad. Stay strong, ask for help when you need it and trust in God that it will be okay.
2007-06-15 07:34:01
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answer #2
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answered by rosebud114 3
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Well if thet are doing well now then they should do well later in the funeral. I am saying that you have done good so far in your teachings of God. Just tell them that people die and people go and God chooses when he wants them. But at least she is in a better place. Don't blame God and I know how it's easy so much to blame him but God had a plan for the stepsister to die and God has a plan for us. This could be a test by God seeing how you treat him. Think how your stepsister is much happier now that she is in heaven at least she will always be happy and never sad. God has plans for you whether it's death soon or on earth. Everyone has a purpose in life and it's up to us Christians to change the world.
Hope that helps.
2007-06-15 07:28:56
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answer #3
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answered by Successor 5
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I know a lot of people have suggested grief counseling and going into psychology and being a Christian myself I want to let you know that sometimes the effectiveness of grief counseling is the timing of when this counseling takes place. Yes, it's hard to lose a sister even if she isn't your biological sister but the natural grieving process needs to set forth before counseling should intervene. As far as them blaming God, tell them that God has a different plan for everyone and that although the plans he has set forth for some people really doesn't make sense to us and really doesn't feel fair, it's the plan that your step daughter has to follow. Let them know that God has taken her to a better place and she'll always be a part of their hearts, it may hurt them to be without her but now she's watching over them. Talk to them about how they feel although they are boys and one being a teenager, the other approaching his teenage years, they still need a chance to open up and let their feelings out. I believe that maybe instead of individual grief counseling, maybe this should take place as a family unit. Death is an experience that touches the whole family and a good way to heal is as a family.
2007-06-15 07:50:25
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answer #4
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answered by JoAnn 4
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Hi, I am so sorry about your loss. I had a 16 year old nephew killed in a car accident and 6 years later another nephew killed in almost an identical accident then a year after that the younger brother of the 1st nephew killed committed suicide in front of my oldest son (his cousin.) So I have had much experience with death in my family with children. It is awful BUT I think encouraging your children to know that it is NORMAL to grieve is the first step. I would encourage them to let it all out whenever they feel like it. Let them talk about it whenever they feel the need. I don't know how close they were to their stepsister, if really close they may feel that she has let them down, Not logical I know but emotions rarely are. Remember grief is part of the healing process and we need to grieve before we get better. Please don't let a doctor tell you thet they need to be on antidepressants as I think that would be counteractive to the healing process. Explain to them that no one knows exactly what happens. I know different religions believe different things but in truth the bible dosen't say exactly (as far as I know) what happens. In some places it says we are asleep in Christ, and will be resurrected on a specified day that only he "God" knows when that will be. Other people believe we go directly to heaven or hell. But it also says that Christ said (while hanging on the cross) to the man next to him, Today you will be in heaven with the father. But then he (Christ) wasn't actually resurrected for 3 days. My point here is not to discuss biblical doctrine but to say that it is OK and actually GOOD for children to question things ( that is part of the belief process) I think. Have faith that God will take care of them and explain to them that sometimes we just don't know what the reasons are. We just have to trust that Gods will is done on a daily basis. You will find the strength to get through this. Also let your children know that it will not always be this painful. That may sound crazy to some but time really does heal. God bless you and your family.
2007-06-15 08:29:02
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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I am so sorry for your loss. Our family has experienced death a few times and we have found a Christian family counselor to be helpful. That particular person could give you suggestions on how to handle the boys and help them with their grief. Let God bless you.
♥
™
2007-06-15 07:27:06
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answer #6
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answered by j;eaojtoig;45jho;54ihu;45hujt54 6
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The reality is that, because they have a relationship with God, they will include Him as a part of the grieving process. That is both good and bad. I honestly don't think you can avoid them having those kinds of thoughts... the important thing is that you have open, honest discussions about how you feel about things and that their feelings are totally normal. Depending on how you deal with it, it can actually strengthen their faith. Just don't encourage them to stifle those thoughts, but talk about them instead.
2007-06-15 07:32:25
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answer #7
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answered by Cathy K 4
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2016-09-05 17:34:04
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answer #8
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answered by ? 4
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Remind them its ok to be sad and very normal to be angry and even to question faith. God is pretty strong, he can handle when you get mad at Him.
I would suggest, in a week or two, after things have have had time to sink in, have the boys talk to your pastor. And you need to sit down and talk to the pastor too! Read the book "When Bad things Happen to Good People"
2007-06-15 08:00:54
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answer #9
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answered by linda h 4
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I lost my mother at 14 yr and a very bad way, I didn't blame God. I fought to survive. I just recommend that you be there when they need you. At that age they tend to get distant..Pray for them and remain strong for them. Do not tell them to just get over it though....Everyone is different and deals with these things in their own way...God bless and my prayers are with you and your family...
2007-06-15 07:58:28
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answer #10
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answered by ~Angel~ 3
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