My 14-year-old sister is in a lot of trouble. What can my family do?

Question

My sister used to be a straight A student, was deemed "gifted", and was a perfect angel. Now that she's in high school, she's fallin in with a really bad croud. She's doing weed on a daily basis, she drinks so much she puts herself into the hosipital. She steals money from family members and we found her cutting and burning herself at one point. My parents tried to get her to a doctor, she refuses to go. My mom has tried putting restrictions on her, grounding her for her behaviour and taking privledges away. My sister rebels. Now she has my parents wrapped around her little finger. Whenever she doesn't get what she wants...she threatens to move out. My parents are at all lose what to do. It's tearing my family apart.

I think she needs to either hit rock bottom or be scared into making changes in her life. I've suggested that they call the police the next she does something...but my dad says she'll just laugh it off with her friends.

I've suggested an intervention, my mom says she'll just get defensive...and won't be receptive at all.

What can we do?? It's tearing my family apart. I'm starting to really worry about my father's own mental health, and I'm going through a bad break up right now with my Live-in Ex-boyfriend of four years.

I'd also like to mention that I live in Canada, where the laws are liberal and childern have all the rights. Parents can't even properly raise their childern here.

I'm really worried. I'm afriad she's going to end up dead on the street.

Wow? Beat the crap out of her? She's only going to resent my parents for that and rebel even more. Good advice only please.

Answer 1

As you observed, her behavior has gotten your parents to be "wrapped around her little finger." This ofcourse creates a power for her that is not easily passed on. As hard as it may be to do, your parents need to assert control here and act as the parents and not let their love and concern for their child be used as a weapon against them. I too had a nephew who rebelled and got into sooo many problems, including multiple arrests, before he decided enough was enough (6 years later). Perhaps scaring her straight NOW, would be better than going through six years of hell as my poor sister had to endure. I've heard visits to jails also scares kids that want to be or are on the path to becoming troublemakers. Lastly, talk to her, as an adult, not a child, and try to understand what the hell is going on. Because the people she's hanging out with are definately influencing her behavior, find out more about them, from her. And if not find out who these kids are and work with their parents as well, or atleast try and get to know what environments they come from to get a better understanding as to why they, and now your sister, act the way they do.

Answer 2

I'm with you. Your family does need to do some sort of intervention. Of course your sister will be defensive, but what is she now? While your family is doing nothing in order to maintain family harmony your sister is doing irreparable damage. There are schools that are similar to detention centers that are for teenagers like your sister, where she would be in school there and they would make her do her homework, go to counseling, she would have supervision all the time, and there would definitely be no drugs or drinking. I think it would be best for your family to put her in a place like that. I'm not saying just get rid of her, but you all need a break from each other. If I were you I'd also talk to my sister tell her how much I love her and explain that your worried about her. If nothing else, like if your family is still refusing to make your sister get help I'd get some help for yourself. I think that seeing a therapist or counselor would be beneficial to you, especially since your dealing with the breakup on top on all of your other family issues.

Answer 3

I have a sister and a brother like that...! Well, first it's good to get the police involved that way there's a record of her actions that way if it does possibly go to court there's a past to go from instead of sweeping it under the rug.. Especially, if she gets violent with anyone in the family...Also, seek counseling if she's 14 they can have her admitted to juvy to undergo counseling... I would also seek the advice of a good lawyer.. If she's doing these things and things get out of control she can not only hurt herself, but someone else as well. I would also recommend family counseling that means everyone in the family that's must... I hope this helps and that your parents can put a stop to her behavior...My sister/brother are both in jail for possession/DUI

Answer 4

Give her an intervention, and get her into some kind of rehab program for the drinking. She doesn't have control over herself. She is a teenager, not an adult and it is your parents job to make major decisions for her. Until she is responsible for herself, she shouldn't be with her "friends" at all. If not, she is headed down a path that could kill her. Psychiatrist strongly recommended.

Answer 5

im 13 and even at this point ive discovered that you have to want to change for yourself. and if she doesnt, im sorry to say, but she will probably just keep rebelling. ive refused weed many times (a few from my own family members) and its not because someone told me to, its because ive seen what can happen when people just destroy their lives with drugs and alcohol. so maybe just show her from someone you know that hit rock bottom just from following the wrong path. also, God can help. trust me. i need His help a lot. good luck with your sister.

Answer 6

my brother used to be the same way...it ruined our whole family it made everyone else feel down to....we put him in rehab and after that he was fine for a while....then he got worse again and got sent to jail...that really changed him a lot...im not saying that jail is the best option but yeah i agree with your intervention...hope all goes well

Answer 7

have you thought about boot camp? i was sent to one after i became well out of control like your sister ,or if you dont like that idea maybe she should take a trip somwhere quite,
or you should try the police. if they lock her in a cell she may be frightened enough to not want to behave as she is.doing.

Answer 8

My suggestion would be to ignore your sister and that way she will think about what she is doing andhopefully she will follow what the family says.

Answer 9

sounds hot , wish she was 4 years older and i would ask you for her number lol. Only Joking , tough love is better than no love.

Answer 10

she's 14. what she does with her life isn't up to her. it's your parents responsibility to straighten her out. there's boot camp or rehab and she won't have a choice but go.