my fiancee is kind of selfish an he does not take me out often. i asked a couple of times an he tells me he has no money but then like two days later he buys a head board an bed frame. Or when i make a suggestion about something he thinks im after something. Then he calls his mother saying i always want to go out an do things. Then she tells me i should make something in tAhe house. But sometimes i want to go out an have fun. an i feel like he is a mommas boy calling his mother for everything trying to make me sound like the bad person. like i think she has a seriuos problem without listening to both sides of the story. An in my personal optionon i think she needs too stop butting in out relationship.
2007-06-15 05:45:16 · 31 answers · asked by sparkle7 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This issue will only get worse after you are married - you need to really think about this engagement.
2007-06-15 05:49:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm married and my husband has run back to his mums house for a week at a time - TWICE!! He also tells her all the bad stuff and never the good, I've now told him I won't be going to stay at his mums any more because of this, I too feel like I'm always the bad person, your not alone, trust me!! If you want to go out more maybe you should, with your friends. If he doesn't like it then that's his problem, tell him he's welcome to join you, if not then leave him at home by himself. I wouldn't worry too much what his mum says or does but let him know that if your going to be married his mum will have to take a step back, two people in a relationship not three.
Good Luck
2007-06-15 05:50:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answer. I thought the question was odd. You don't feel comfortable enough to ask your fiance to take you out more? What's wrong with this relationship?
It gets worse as i read on. It sounds like you two have a problem with boundaries. And your mother in law is invited to cross your boundaries as well. Here's the thing. This guy does not sound mature enough to be getting married and you do not sound independent enough to be getting married either. If you want to go out, take yourself out. If your fiance doesn't want to take you out, you can't let that decision control what you do, you go out. "Then he tells you to make something around the house"? Why? Because you are not adult enough to know when you want to make something around the house vs when you want to go out?
Also your fiance has a right to do whatever he wants with his money ie take you out vs buy stuff for himself. I think that you need to take more respoinsibility in providing your own needs and find your individual self before you join with someone else otherwise you will get lost in him and not in a good way. I don't know how old you are but if i were you, i will wait this relationship out and let myself develop more personally before taking the next step.
Good luck
2007-06-15 06:03:09 · answer #3 · answered by uz 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The obvious answer here is to be your own woman. Dont make him responsible for taking you out. Make your own money and volunteer to take him out.
If he buys a head board and a frame, it sounds like he is worried about how things are at home, and he wants to make the best life possible for the both of you. Dont be upset with him for trying to make your home a better place.
Another idea, is with the summer here, find things to do that are very inexpensive. Pack a picnic and head for the beach, or a park.
His mom is his mom, she is always going to be a part of your life. It might be time for you to have a talk with his mom, be very respectful, but you need to let her know that you and he need to be able to work through some of your relationship problems without her input. Let her know that you appreciate her wisdom and advice, and that if you guys truly need her advice that you will go to her.
2007-06-15 05:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by sweet tourettes 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
hi there, if you feel you can't talk to your fiance without 'being rude' then it sounds like you don't have an intimate open enough relationship to be ready to marry each other.
also, a guy who phones his mother like that is not man enough to be married yet... do you want to married to him AND his mother?
also you need someone who puts you first, not as in on a pedastal but someone who would spend everything on you if they had it, not that you would ever ask them but you know what I mean. i'm really sorry but it sounds like he doenst love you enough, and like he's a little too immature for marriage. i would reconsider. if you still want to stay with him then get together a group of fantastic female friends and go out with them instead, when he sees the fun you're having maybe he'll realise what he's missing. X
2007-06-15 08:23:16 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah J 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all your mother-in-law comes in your relationship because your fiancee allows it. Don't blame your mother-in-law, it's your fiancee you have to talk to. Sit him down and tell him that it's not healthy for your relationship that he goes to his mother everytime you guys have a disagreement. Sometimes men don't realize that by this they only create a barrier between the mother-in-law and the spouse/girlfriend.
About him taking you out. You definetely have to talk to him, but it seems like he is a responsible guy since he prefered to spend the money he had on a bed for you both, then to go out. Maybe he wants to go out, but realizes that it's more important to get things for the house then to go out.
Also if you really want to go out and maybe you guy don't have a lot of spending money to be going out so often, maybe you could try doing things that do not involve money. Going to a park. Things like that. Go bike riding together.
To me it's not a matter of going out places. As long I am with my husband it does not matter if we are just home the weekend. So I suggest to you to refocus and analyze why do you have that need to be out places, if it's not enough to spend tiem with your fiancee.
Also come to an agreement with your fiancee and tell him you need to go out atleast once a month, because going out everyweekend might put a dent on your budget. So once a month sound good to me!!!
Good luck....
2007-06-15 07:15:43 · answer #6 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Meanness is a thing that will only get worse as the years go by. Ditch him my dear and find a new man. If this is out of the question, then I suggest you ask him for space to go out on your own, where you like, with whom you like, and paying for yoursself. Let him stay in and be a grumpy guts if he likes, but he shouldn't stop you having some fun with friends. Life is too short to spend it with someone who does not make you happy. And, as for running to mummy telling tales, well that is just plain childish. Like I say, ditch him before it's too late.
2007-06-15 05:53:59 · answer #7 · answered by Normsgirll 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I really dont think its an easy natural relationship from what you say
Start as you mean to go on
As things are going I dont think marriage with this guy is going to be any different
If you cant even be srtight with him now then how are you going to be when you're married
not good
2007-06-15 07:04:32 · answer #8 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to come from a sheltered life, but he has his priorities in order, he is a family man who wants to cater to long term needs over spontaneity. If you're willing to stick it out with him he'll eventually (after buying necessities) crack and admit he's bored and would like to go out. The way he treats his mother is the way he'll treat you, he'll confide in you with everything as time goes along. He actually sounds like a great guy, but maybe you should arrange for a girl's night out everyonce in awhile. Invite him frequently because most likely he'll say no but you won't give him the excuse that you don't want to spend time with him.
2007-06-15 05:52:59 · answer #9 · answered by Experienced Male named Mike 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Are you certain that you want to stay in this relationship?
Mummy's boys are really tough to deal with. After all, you're not just dealing with him, you're dealing with her, and she's had a lot longer time to work on him.
You shouldn't have to ask. It should be a joint decision. I hate to be so negative,but is sounds as though you are being groomed to be an obedient housewife and mother. YIKES!!!
2007-06-15 05:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by proud walker 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you're having this much trouble now i would seriously rethink marrying this guy. I take my lady out at least twice a week life's to short not to have a bit of fun, some people may disagree but i think you should ask him to take you out at least once a week.
Good luck xx :)
2007-06-15 05:52:01 · answer #11 · answered by Dj' s 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋