Me and my fiancee' have been planning our wedding for over a year now (we have been together 4 years.) My brother, who is one of my groomsmen, out of the blue decides to plan his wedding 2 months before ours, after a very short engagement (they have been with each other 2-3 months max). I wish him the best and will support him through anything (like any brother would ;-) ), but I was just wondering if there is some kind of ettiquitte issue here. This is me and my fiancee's first marriage, and this is my brother's third (ditto for his bride-to-be.) Is there any reason for us to be upset about this?
2007-06-15 05:09:19 · 18 answers · asked by J R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, as far as the etiquette goes, it is just a bit in bad taste, since it is your brother. If it was maybe distant cousin or something, not so much! Yes, you are totally normal to feel a little put out with them.
That being said, the circumstances of your wedding and engagement have to be taken into consideration too. Since it is his third, he probably is not having a wedding on the scale or formality of yours, so he thinks it's no big deal for the family to come to two so close together. Also, there is the possibility that they have their own personal reasons for such a short engagement, just as you have yours for a long engagement. Hate to say this, but when you have been together for so long and are having a long engagement, you run the risk of this happening. It is a little selfish to try to dictate everyone elses lives around your engagement and wedding schedule. Think about it from that perspective, be nice, and don't worry about it! People will still come to yours, give good gifts, and will know that yours was on the books first!
2007-06-15 11:45:09 · answer #1 · answered by valschmal 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well 2 months would normally be an alright amount of time, unless you have family coming from a fairly far distance. In that case most people don't have the money to fly, spend a few nights in a hotel, get a gift, etc so they'll end up picking one wedding over the other. In that case its rude to plan so close together. (Make sure you send out save the dates so guests will plan on coming to yours first.)
I would try not to worry about it. It reflects on your brother. Why is he rushing this engagement?
2007-06-15 05:47:44 · answer #2 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom did that to me. Her second marriage, her husband's third. I was hurt at first, but after her marriage was said and done the focus was on me and my now husband. Reflecting back, I don't know why I cared. My family had a great time at my wedding an no one seemed burned out from too many weddings. Don't worry two months is a good enough time in between.
2007-06-15 07:15:37 · answer #3 · answered by dice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I, too, would be upset if my brother chose to go about a third marriage in this way. I'd recommend that you and your fiancee gather with your brother and his fiancee, and express your concerns. Explain how you feel, and ask them if a change could be made. If they were able to decide to be married so quickly, they should also be able to postpone the arrangement. If they refuse, let it go. I've never been married, nor engaged, but I will personally guarantee that holding a grudge against your groomsman is definitely not the right way to remember your wedding.
Also, congratulations on your engagement; hope everything works out.
2007-06-15 05:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps it's not "cool", but I doubt he said, hey let's get married so that I can beat my brother!
The date was probably chosen as a result of their relationship... impulsive maybe?
My wedding is two weeks after my cousin's. It wasn't planned with her or her wedding in mind. It's just the way it worked out. We both happened to get into relationships that led to marriage right around the same time. And it's a first for both of us.
2007-06-15 05:35:44 · answer #5 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his wedding was the week or day before yours, I could understand why you would be upset. But two whole months earlier? That's a good break. It's not like people will be "tired of weddings" or something or skipping yours because they just went to his or something like that.
Here's a tacky one for you: at his cousin's wedding, my husband's sister and her husband showed up in their own "wedding" clothes from their elopement in Vegas a few days earlier, announced that the cousin's reception was their reception as well (despite the fact they didn't pay for it) and spent the whole time showing off pictures from their own nuptuals. They even posed together by the cousin's wedding cake and had somebody take their photo!!!
Compare your brother's actions to that, and I think you'll feel a LOT better.
2007-06-15 05:18:06 · answer #6 · answered by sparki777 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps there was a reason for the "quick" wedding...gunshot maybe? It does seem strange, but since it's his 3d, it's not really going to detract all that much from your event. I would guess that his affair will be much smaller and less formal.
You have enough to focus on w/your wedding. Let your brother do what he's going to do anyway, and dont pay too much attentionto it. Your day will still by shiney and new :-)
2007-06-15 05:18:38 · answer #7 · answered by lma0814 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 2 months is fine. It seems close, but by the time your wedding rolls around everyone will be ready for another great party. I don't think Emily Post has anything to say about this one.
2007-06-15 05:18:34 · answer #8 · answered by shortstop42000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say brother is being a jerk and probably getting married for the wrong reasons. If your brother is on his third marriage, he should just skip the formal ceremony and go straight to the courthouse -- he can get married AND have the divorce papers standing by. He's obviously not good at being married.
2007-06-15 05:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by Resident Heretic 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My father got married 2 weeks after I did but he didn't tell me until I got home from my honeymoon.
Is your brother having a large wedding? If yes, then that is wrong to you. If not, then don't worry about it.
2007-06-15 05:18:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋