Me and my boyfriend have been together gor 2 years and have a 5 month of son together. Before my baby was born every thing was going so good, we was so in love. Since the baby has been born my boyrfiend is not ever really home, I take care of the baby most of the time as well as work a full time job. I feel like I do everything and that I am taking care of him too! Im not sure if this is a stage that he is going through because everything is so new with a baby around or maybe he just does not want me anymore because I gained weight when I was prgnant. Please help me im not sure if i should wait around to see if he is going to change or leave, or how should i talk to him to see whats going on because i do not want to leave him i love him soo soo much and it will hurt so bad!
2007-06-15 04:15:45 · 17 answers · asked by dgaodg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Talk to him. He could just be adjusting to the time you spend with your son and feels left out.
2007-06-15 04:18:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So you have been together for two years and have a five month old son .... doing the math that is 9months of pregnancy plus 5months old = 14months. You have been together for 24months = 10months of dating before you got pregnent.
It is an impossible to give one absolute answer.
However, without knowing more of the entire story, my first initial feeling would be that you were together for 10 months and had a lot of fun being in the early stages of a relationship. A lot of relationships are great for the first year... as time goes on, little things start to add up and eventually you come to realize that you can either live with the 'quirks' or you need to move on.
I would be greatly tempted to say that he stuck around during your pregnancy because it was "the right thing to do", but it is not what was in his heart. Now, here he has you with a child and he is looking at the possibility of being "tied down" for life. In his mind he is probably scared of the thought of being with one person for the rest of his life -- I think most everyone gets like that at some point or another.
Talking about it is the absolute best thing you could do. Without communication EVERY relationship will fail. He could be looking at it as he "has you", you will not leave him because you have his child...so why not go out and play - you will always be there when he gets back. Or he could very well just be scared of the commitment. Having a child isn't easy - some guys will embrace the journey while others will avoid it. It sounds like he would rather avoid it. That is not to say he is a bad person or that he doesn't love you. That is where the communicating part comes in.
If you talk to him and he gives you the cold shoulder and the "awww baby, c'mon... i need my space... cut me some slack" ... then yeah, he's gone. However, if he listens to you and actually acts on it and really tries to be there for you more, then I would feel there is hope. You will never know unless you talk to him though.
Don't let anyone tell you what to do. Only you can decide if you should stay or go. Keep one thing in mind though, you aren't making the decision for just yourself anymore - you have a child and that child needs to come first above anything else.
2007-06-15 11:33:02 · answer #2 · answered by Peter S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an 8 month old son, and his father is doing the same thing.
From what I can pry out of him, its very hard for him to adjust to being so completely responsible for another life, finacially and emotionally.
Also he now feels totally tied down in the relationship, how can he dump his babies mama without the guilt.
So either you have to let him sort it out in his own time, or you tell him that you are going to leave if he doesnt get his act together soon, but be prepared if he doesnt want to stay with you. Give him a resonable amount of time, and if he still isnt there for you and the baby, leave and dont look back.
This is what I am doing, but I also have a Plan B in place. Money saved, you know how to file for child support right away and have a place to go if things really do not work out. It may seem like I think my relationship is doomed, but I need to think of my son, so I have to make sure all of my bases are covered.
I hope this helped.
2007-06-15 11:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by Ali-Kat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what - you know what you need to do. I was in your shoes... it's not worth the waiting around for someone to change like that. It's going to hurt. It's going to hurt more when your child knows what's going on though. You need to be a good example for your kid. If you think it's OK to let your child see you being mistreated and or taken advantage of - then keep up the good work. If not, have a serious talk with him and tell him things need to change - starting today. If you feel like you are doing all the work by yourself anyway - might as well do it on your own and meet someone else who will love you and make you feel not so taken for granted, you know? Just my opinion.
2007-06-15 11:22:54 · answer #4 · answered by Challah back Girl... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all it takes two to have a child and the responsibility should be two way too. Men have a habit of trying to opt out of their responsibility and take time to come to terms that their bachelor days are over. You need to first think about what you want from this relationship. Marriage, him to look after the child for the weekend....whatever, think it through and them have a talk with him calmly and clearly state your point and listen to what he has to say.
Whether you gain weight or not is not the issue here. He has to be made to see that from here on in, he has got responsibilities. You sound young, but be mature for the sake of your child. Stand firm. Good luck.
2007-06-15 11:23:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first of all...That is messed up that he is not supporting his child. Anyway...you should probably tell him everything you just wrote because odds are he probably doesn't know he is making you feel like this. He is probably just afraid of responsiblity especially if you two are really young. If he truly loved you, I don't think the fact that you gained weight would drive him to the point of leaving you. Just sit down and talk to him and tell him your true feelings. I hope everything works out for you and your boyfriend and your son.
2007-06-15 11:21:48 · answer #6 · answered by Joe'z 1st luv 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have been together 2 years and have a five month baby, count the 9 months and you weren't together more than a year before you let him get you pregnant.
I'm getting so tired of situations close to me like this and then hearing the woman complain.
Its a bad situation you got yourself into, and
I DON'T want to conclude he's cheating or you should have re-thought progressing with the pregnancy BUT DAMN
2007-06-15 11:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by dick_ache 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are unhappy. Tell him so, and ask him to go to a couples' counselor with you. If he refuses, then go yourself. It will really open your eyes and show you what all your options are. That said, if he is not willing to work through this, then you may have to leave him. Try the counseling and see what they say. Either way, if it comes down to leaving, you make sure you call an attorney. Your boyfriend is obligated to support that child! I wish you the best of luck!
2007-06-15 11:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's what happens when you have children out of wedlock. Suddenly the relationship changes because of the new child and the father wants to go back to a carefree life. And he will, but not with you. There's really nothing to keep him there. I wish you all the best. It's difficult raising a child on your own and chasing down child support.
2007-06-15 11:20:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing to do is lose the weight. No excuses just do it. Now he needs to get a job or take care of the baby. You really sound silly. You need to stop worrying about you being hurt and worry about your baby and what's best. You carrying the load isn't what is best. Your baby needs you or it's dad available.
2007-06-15 11:22:55 · answer #10 · answered by Shinigami 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sit down and talk to him about how he is making you feel, and tell him that you can't be the sole provider for the family you have to take a stand cuz if you don't he is going to walk all over you for the rest of your life, do something for you and your baby, i myself would choose my childs happiness and well being over mine no matter what, your kids are yours set a good exapmle for them and do your best to prtect them but do not promise never to let anything happen to him because if you do that npothing ever will happen, just talk to him, and let him know that if he is not going to step up you are going to find someone who will, i know it will hurt to say it but you need to look out for your baby
2007-06-15 11:34:08 · answer #11 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋