My sons 20 and 15 both have emotional/behavioral (largely due to their father whom I kicked out 7 months ago) problems and were a handful to raise.
I spoiled them without realizing it. Now I want to lay down the 'law'.
My 20 year old has his friends over every night (which I enjoy because they have harmless fun, include my friendless 15 year old and i enjoy hearing the laughter in the house).
The problem is they make such a mess.
What steps can I take to get them to clean up after themselves without shouting or yelling ?(which i made the mistake of doing once) I already have them pitching in food and supplies for the house. it's like they just don't get it.
Any advice?
2007-06-15 04:03:59 · 12 answers · asked by Bethany I 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well you cant just lay down the law out no where. But you can incorperate the law slowy. just tell them that you would greatly appriciate the help if they are going to come around, They are adults now they need to get on it and start helping and respecting you.
2007-06-15 04:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by autumn w 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not where you are, yet (my wife and I have a five year old).
However, both of my brothers have kids within the age of yours.
One brother was the spoiler and his kids are, although very intelligent and polite, basically lazy and don't pick up after themselves.
The other brother was always riding his kids to clean up...and now they have the habit built-in.
So, can you teach an old dog new tricks?
Sure, if you use the right reward.
Think about what motivates your kids.
Or, try a tactic that my mom did once: let the house go to chaos, don't do dishes or clothes washing and see if they get the message.
2007-06-15 11:29:25 · answer #2 · answered by docscholl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, you have created a nightmare for some future girlfriends/wives. A 20 year old and 15 year old w/o significant PHYSICAL disabilities can clean up after themselves. Tell them that they will not be allowed to invite friends over if they can not clean up the mess. And stick to it.
2007-06-15 11:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by sleepywife 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bethany,
I may suggest you make all of their friends participate equally in the clean-up. Simple make them understand you enjoy having them spend time at your home, however it seems your sons will have no part in the clean-up. Since that is the case, unless everyone pitches in prior to leaving you will be forced to prohibit their presence.
Bethany, it is called "tough love." Both of your sons will be embarrassed and probably agree to clean-up as they should. Should they agree, it is incumbent that you enact the "no-visit" zone should they fail to comply. Also, as Winston Churchill said: "Speak softly but carry a big stick."
No yelling and no scolding; simply make your directive known to their friends, in their presence. (The "big stick" is a polite but firm directive.)
You will be surprised by the result.
Arnie
2007-06-15 11:19:04 · answer #4 · answered by Arnie Sherr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i suggest. maybe saying you can have no one over until the house is clean. I know my mom always pull that one on me. And if you enforce it once. they usually tend to get wise and clean the house. Or if your son's friends like you they might come over and help :). I think you just need to say that there are things needed to be done and there will be no friends over unless you clean the mess you have made. Good Luck with your sons. Me being one I know I love to cause messes :)
2007-06-15 11:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by myawakening 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all stop blaming your husband for the kids problems and accept the role u had in keping a bad relationship going for 20+ years. if he were that damaging to ur children why wait till they were grown up?
secondly u think of them as kids. i'll bet most people opening this question thought u were talking of below 10 year olds.
u either have to decide they are kids, treat them with the same stricness/liberalness u would a child, or else realize u have two grown guys on your hands and let them know the behavior that is expected of them as adults.
as a mum one of your jobs is to release into the worls mature well behaved peopel who will make good fathers and husbands or men. how will they learn if all they get at home is "do as u please woman (mum) will clean up"?
2007-06-15 11:13:02 · answer #6 · answered by kiki68 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Even if there are "friends" over, I just tell the entire group, "Ok guys, lets clean up." Then I start designating. I don't do it in a mean way, just in a matter of fact manner. They always help.
2007-06-15 11:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them to start cleaning up behind themselves or start whoopin there behinds. If they are 20 and 15 and still live in your home then you can still whoop them. That is too old to act like a bunch of untrained slobs.
2007-06-15 11:13:39 · answer #8 · answered by joyce 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's one of those choose your battles - questions. The payoff is wonderful as far as friendships. Just ask them as well as the friends to pick up after themselves and lead by example.
2007-06-15 11:15:59 · answer #9 · answered by Hebrews 11 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell your 20 year old to move out! then get tough with the 15 year old... tell him to either pull his weight or its Off to Military school
2007-06-15 11:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋