Am I over reacting?

Question

I have a six month old son who has been sick (congested, runny nose). Today is his fathers day off from work. So I asked him if our son can stay home with him since he wasn't feeling well and opt out of having to take my sick child to daycare. His response was "He's(referring to our son) not driving me crazy and getting on my nerves all day." So I replied and said "you can't watch your son when he's sick". To make a long story short He said that if I left him home with him, we are not doing anything on fathers day.

So I reacted. I told him I was taking my son to daycare and he didn't deserve to be with us on Fathers Day.

Answer 1

Well I have to tell you that first off men suck. I cant seem to get my husband to take care of our 2 kids unless I'm on my death bed lol. Men just don't get it. Alot not all of them feel that it is our soul our responsibility to to care of the kids. The way you reacted was completely okay. It took my forever to get my husband involved it not that they don't love there children i think that its more they don't know what to do with them. You have to start him off small and work your way up. Its completely up to you what you want to do for fathers day just remember that he needs to learn how to take care of the child he doesn't have that same nurturing thing that we as women do. ~~ I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Hi, sometimes the best reaction is no reaction, until you can think it through, however, that is not always possible. I think your husband was really expressing his own need to have some time to himself, sometimes the way we approach things makes a big difference in the way things turn out. When he made the comment about Father's day, I think he was just trading the day. It is frustrating for men to watch their own children if this is not something that they feel that they cannot do well. Even if experience is the best teacher. Perhaps telling him you know that he needs time alone, but you were just hoping that he could help you. (Perhaps a half a day would have been more acceptable,) Maybe leaving your children for short periods of time with him, would encourage his comfort in watching him. Sometimes, the only thing children want when they are sick is their mom. It really isn't about right or wrong it is about loving each other and accepting where each other are. Sometimes just asking him, what do you want me to do? Helps them to realize that they have a responsibility in this too. Men are not women, some do not cope as well with situations they are not use to.
P.S. If you do start leaving them together more, don't criticize him because he didn't handle things the way you would, that only makes him avoid it more and makes him feel more imcompetent. Give him 10 points for trying, make a big deal about staying with dad doing guy things! Don't worry about the mess they may make, even if he watches tv, still praise him. With a little success, he may be volenteering for you! Remember he loves him too, they'll be fine. In any relationship it takes alot of grace.............with a lot of love we all get there!

Answer 3

Well, I tnd to agree leaving him with someone who clearly wasn't interested in caring for him, especially since the child was sick, was really the only choice. I also agree that you have a major problem here and need to get help to address it. He clearly manipulated you (not doing something on Father's Day would be a punishment for him, not you so using it to blackmail you tells me a lot) and probably does it quite a bit. I would tell him that since he didn't act much like a father he certainly doesn't deserve anything from you or your son. Then I would call around and find a good marriage counselor. Go even if he refuses, because my gut is he is not going to be willing to do more as a parent than he already has and that is a tough spot to be in.

Answer 4

He is only six months old...he cant talk, walk or anything yet how can your son "drive him crazy" ! You shouldnt have to be the one making all the sacrifices. I would go talk to someone because thats really not right. Your poor son was sick for crying out loud. Thats not right, and he needs to make that up to you and your son....big time ! And your right he doesnt deserve to be with you on Fathers Day because thats his son as much as it yours, if he is not going to be a father than why should he have a nice fathers day. I hope it gets better, but you dont deserve that.

Answer 5

Um... your husband was wrong to say what he said, it was quite juvenile. However, what you did was quite wrong as well. Why did you take your son to daycare while he's sick? Sick children don't belong in daycare, they will only infect the other children. I don't see the logic there.

Father's Day or not... It's a parent's job to care for the sick child, and if a parent has the day off from work, that's what he/she should be doing.

Answer 6

I would be upset too. Not by him not wanting to take care of him,but by the way he phrased it was callous and uncaring. Mabey he doesn't feel like he can adequately take care of a sick child on his own. I cannot say, many a things go on behind closed doors. Is he a good dad at other times. Is this just an isolated incident? At any rate, there seems to be a communication problem on his part. If he suggested that you wouldn't be doing anything on Fathers day if you left him home, then that would tick me off too. Mabey you should refer to him as "donor" not "daddy"! Hope things get better.

Answer 7

I'de say no, you had every right to say what you did. The boys father has a responsibility to his son. Part of raising a child includes attending to their needs no matter what, even if it happens to be inconvienient for him. If Jr. is sick, Dad needs to be there for him. Tell your Husband that this is a human being, his own flesh and blood, not just some project he can deal with when he feels like it. As far as Fathers day goes, If he doesn't want to act like a father, then he shouldn't be honored like one. You are one hundred percent right in what you said. I'm in the Army, and i still find time to put my family first, even if I have worked 48 hours straight. He needs to start acting like the father that boy needs!!!

And Tell Him I Said So!!!

Answer 8

I would've gotten upset, too. Any parent should want to be there for their child when they're sick. Not to mention parents aren't babysitters, they're parents. You shouldn't have had to ask him if he could stay with him. When your husband heard that his child was sick, he should've automatically said to leave the child with him. I'm sorry your husband is acting like that. I wouldn't do anything for him for Father's Day if he'd rather act like a babysitter than father. Hopefully he'll get over his selfishness before your son goes of to college.

Answer 9

No you didn't over re act you have every reason to be upset. I am not sure marriage counsiling would fix your husbands attitude towards your son though. He needs to step up, be a man and take responsibility for the life that he helped create! My husband would never say that to me... If he did, I honestly don't know what I would do.

Good luck in dealing with it, I am sure it will be difficult. I am sorry for your son especially poor little sick man!

Answer 10

good respnse to him, what a jerk. My husband stays at home and looks after our four kids. gets 3 of them ready for school and stays home with the 21mth old. As you will get nothing but colds from day care and you shouldnt have sent him to day care knowing he had a cold.

Just think about this three of my children arent my husbands they are his step children but he treats them all the same. How would your baby father feel If you found some one who actually cared. I bet he would end up on your door step a few times crying. Loose him he's a idiot

Answer 11

Wow!My husband was always a little uneasy taking care of the kids when they were under the age of one. Maybe that's his problem, he don't fell secure in himself, and instead of telling you he acted like a jerk. That in turn made you over react. Many daycares won't take in sick babies. I don't blame you for getting mad, i know i would. But maybe there is more to this, talk to your husband. He might just feel insecure in his father duties.