Most of my mates are saying I'm mad but I've fallen for a girl who has a child and has gone back to her ex for the sake of the kid. She all but told me today that she'd rather be with me but her relationship with her ex is rather turbulent. I think he's bullying her into giving him yet another chance through guilt. I'm trying to understand where she's coming from and I want to be there for her, but I'm finding it hard not to rip into him when talking to her. She will defend him even though he doesn't deserve it. Is it wrong for me to get involved? I don't see this as a crusade to save her. I just didn't realise how much I care for her and it hurts me to know that she'd be better off with me. But how long should I wait? Please, any advice would be welcome.
2007-06-14 23:43:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What would the kid say if you asked the kid? Move on.
2007-06-14 23:46:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably putting her childs thoughts first at the moment, fair play to her as a mum however she will realise that you can not build a relationship just on a child, the cracks will start to show and she will eventually split up with him.
Looking from the outside in you must be hurt and p**sed of however, if she is willing to put up with him for the sake of her child surely she isnt all bad.
Everyone makes choices, and believe me everyone makes wrong ones at some point - its just how you put them right that counts.
Be patient, if 2 people are meant to be together then they will find away.
2007-06-14 23:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello.
Best to leave this girl alone, If she loves you as much as you say she does then she can make her own mind up and leave the father of the child. However lets say she does and you get together and live together and you realise this is not for you or you want a child of your own later down the road and she does not. then your in deep "stuck"!. Its best to let these things work them self's out. He might even become violent towards you if you get mixed up in it all. Walking away from this will be hard but in the long term it is always worth it.
Thanks
2007-06-15 02:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by drchristianmd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man... you are a gift.... I was in an abusive relationship (more than once) I have moved on from there. I can't help be feel you are important to her well being (so I understand your delma) BUT.... she clearly has made her choice and for what ever reason it wasn't you, and she should stop hanging on to you for the sake of you. Take your love, compassion, and honor and wait if you will but wait for someone who is willing to do the same for you.... Close your eye to that scene, you shouldn't have been there if she wasn't prepaired to really leave. She will one day I can tell you this but don't hang around you could cause more damage than good. walk away.
2007-06-15 00:00:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think about it this girl isn't going to do anything if she knows you are happy to sit waiting in the wings for her. She is old enough to know herself that this relationship is a bad idea. I would give her a time frame to get herself sorted out and say if she still hasn't made up her mind then you are moving on. Its unfair of her to expect you to put your life on hold. I am not saying she is a bad person, she is confused and you are adding to her confusion by being so easily accessible and available. By giving her this time frame she will have to think and make a decision instead of putting it off. Give her maybe a month, Good luck x
2007-06-14 23:50:50 · answer #5 · answered by British*Bird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a very difficult situation to be in.
My advice woul dbe to back off for a while and let her decide what she wants to do. If she has left him once, she will leave him again. Getting back together for the sake of a child never works out, and she will be miserable with him.
Take a back seat, and be there to pick up the pieces when she eventually sees sense.
Good luck!
2007-06-14 23:48:19 · answer #6 · answered by Emma W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it nice to know there are people like you out there... but in truth i believe you need to move on... but give her a chance, tell her how you feel about her and let her know that no matter how much you care you cant be left hanging on a string, does she want to be with you.... i dont know if she had a hard family life growing up but if she did she will never leave him for all that she is hoping for is the perfect family and believes if she sticks by him through the hard times than in the end it will all work out... good luck
2007-06-14 23:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by thenickistar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you can't help your feelings but she is playing you. She wouldn't have gone back to him if she didn't want to. It looks like she is trying to get the best of both worlds. Sorry to say it but you need to move on and find a decent girl who will appreciate what a nice guy you are!
2007-06-15 01:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by WelshK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents do plenty of things for the sake of their children. Trying to keep the family together is one of the biggest. It is not advised that you interfere. Just wait it out or move on. If he is that big of a jerk, she will probably leave him again once she realizes that he is not really going to change.
2007-06-14 23:48:42 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're trying to be a knight in shining armor and she's using you for some purpose that has nothing to do with what you want.
Your mates are right. Get away from her as soon as possible. There is nothing but trouble ahead for you.
2007-06-14 23:48:05 · answer #10 · answered by Rob B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in the same situation as the girl you like just hold in there as it wont be long before she leaves took me a month to realise and she will to keep in contact with her and let her know your not going anywhere and it will happen it did 4 me and now been with my new partener for 1 year and my 7 year old daughter loves him just hang in there it will happen
2007-06-15 00:15:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋