Bad language - feedback?

Question

Now I have asked my questions re: Bad languge by children -

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsxG6jma9iWweRShlUXjsZwgBgx.?qid=20070614230630AA7BdlZ


http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkZMq0JNasQ5Kl6JMlgCT9QgBgx.?qid=20070614211217AAOVqmu

Now I want to know - if I correct my grandsons for using that sort of language should my daughter-in-law complain about that or not?
A yes or no answer will do as I can then show it to her (and the boys if needs be!)
Best wishes,
Joan.

Answer 1

ok i have a different spin on this. I am a 23 year old, and the oldest grandchild. my younger cousin is the worst mannered child i've ever met (at least when she's at home--around anyone else she is an angel----a true testiment to the fact that looks can be decieving)

she uses the worst language i've ever heard come out of a 10 yr old's mouth. words that i myself have never used. she is in councelling, but its not helping. As i live in a house with her, her mom, and my grandparents (who are also her grandparents..her mom is my aunt), i have taken on the task of correcting her. AND IT WORKS!

i have completely overstepped my boundaries and made it clear that i didnt care in doing so. someone needed to interfere in this matter, and she listens to me. she doesnt listen to anyone else in my household but me. i have made her respect me, and any time she slips and says a "dirty word" she looks at me quickly and apologizes.

her mom didnt like it at first, but as soon as she saw that i could get her child to stop doing something that she herself couldnt get her to do her tune changed.

i say whatever works, go for it. if your grandchild doesnt listen to their mother, you need to step in and teach them right from wrong. your daughter in law just might thank u in the end.

Answer 2

Sorry, this isn't yes/no answer. But none the less please do take time to read it.
I do think it is important that you let your grandchildren know in an non judgemental manner that swearing, belittling others etc is unacceptable to you and you will not allow it in your presence.
You must be fair about it and not allow adults to besmirch your ears either or you will be giving the kids mixed messages.
As to your daughter in law. She comes from a different family background, with different ways of dealing with problems and thinking. Doesn't mean they aren't any good. They just aren't yours!
She must be a worthy person or no son of yours would have chosen her. So... hard as it may seem, and as a mother in law myself I know how hard biting your tongue can be, you really do need to give her some space.
I have watched over the years as some likely lads(not mine) have grown into the country's finest and become great father's too. Many times I have had to still the acid remark I wanted to make and let them take their own personal journey.
You will know the things you absolutely cannot let pass. Let the others go.
You sound like you have a lot to offer as an older wiser woman. Why not put it to good use in some form of community service?
There are lots of youngsters out there who would kill for the chance to have someone who cared enough about them to question their choice of language. Why not sign up to be a "Super Gran" to them?
In the mean time. Stay strong and true to yourself.

Answer 3

If children - any children, not just relatives - are using language around you which you find offensive, you have the right to speak out about it. I have had to chastise kids when out and about for using foul language around me or my children. I don't hesitate to speak out against them.

So if a child in my family was resorting to language like that, I wouldn't hesitate to correct them either. It is offensive to me, and shows ill manners and poor upbringing.

My daughter is 8 and would never ever swear. She thinks words like 'fart' are swearwords, and hasn't even heard the worse ones yet. If she ever did hear a word and try it out around us, she'd soon know it was wrong. I have never needed to spank my children. A stern word is all that is needed. Children need to understand that there is a time and a place for language. If they want to use language like that among themselves, it is their business, but as soon as it infringes on me or my family, it becomes my business.

Answer 4

NO, father of two, grandfather to 6, so far! Have a star for common sense

Answer 5

Ordinarily I'd support you as bad language is unattractive in children, but based on your postings you seem to be running on one note and I question how bad their language really is.

Sounds like you don't like your daughter-in-law and you're in some kind of power struggle. Those are her kids and you're out of line. You need to back off.

Answer 6

This may not be a popular answer, and stay away from the 'smacked bottom' garbage you mentioned in your other question, but -- grandmothers do have a place when it comes to teaching etiquette.

Mind, if your daughter-in-law is complaining, I have to wonder how you're 'correcting' it. But if it's just a 'we don't say that in front of Grandma' tsk-tsk, it's fine.

Answer 7

YES!! You're daughter has every right to complain because you are basically trying to undermine everything she does.

Joan, you seem like a well-meaning grandmother, but I think you need to sit down with your daughter-in-law and have a talk with her, instead of posting on here about everything she does "wrong". Please stop looking here for validation for your issues with her.

Answer 8

no, my father does the same with my children and i thank him for it. i have told my children if their annoyed they can say sizzling sausages or sugar. i also tell them they can talk to me any time they want and i will try to help in any possible way.

Answer 9

Stand your ground NO

Answer 10

yes