should she have said that?

Question

i am fairly obese (5'6" and 250). a customer approached me and told me she had seen my lunches and that i needed to go on a diet. was this a rude comment considering i am an adult and am comfortable with my wieght? i do tend to go for high protien/carb meals at lunch, but i only eat lunch and a light dinner. does a stranger have the right to suggest a diet when they don't even know you?

i bag and check out groceries and do just fine at my job.... that has nothing to do with it

i know i need to go on a diet or whatever, i am just happy the way i am...

she said i was risking my heart and my health (duh i know, i am not stupid) but i still don't think she needed to tell me this as she doesn't even know me!!!!!!

Answer 1

Ah, smokers have the same problem these days. You can't stand somewhere without someone making a snarky comment about how bad it is for you and bla bla. Don't even think about what people say to you. It's a waste of effort. There's bigger fish to fry than this collective obsession with health and butting into other people's business.

Answer 2

Well, actually, whether you are happy with your own weight or not, I think she did go too far, BUT having said that *maybe* she was just trying to be nice.

I am also overweight, and people do think they have some sort of right to comment on it, even people I don't know. My grandmother's carer, for instance, made comments about my weight the first time I met her. I think it is rude, but if I quarreled with everyone who said something or acted disapproving, I would be fighting with people all the time!

usually, I just say 'Thanks, I'm aware of that and have a health programme in place right now". Sometimes the person will then want to have a conversation, or sell you their own brand of 'diet' product or guru, but often they think they are being nice and friendly, so I don't like to be hurtful to them.

If they are obnoxious and go beyond the limit, I might say something like 'I know I am overweight, but are you aware you are being rude?". That will usually stop them in their tracks.

You are NOT obliged to have a dialogue with someone in your workplace, however. If this lady approaches you again, you could simply say, "Thanks for your concern, but I am at work right now and it is not appropriate to discuss my private life here".

Good luck and best wishes! :-)

Edited to add: A good example of how to make this type of personal comment politely is Nimesh above ... very nicely put. Shows a caring attitude to a tricky issue!

Answer 3

First of all I don't think you should say I'm obese at 5'-6'' and 250. I don't call that obese. I think your obese if your 150 pounds overweight and can barely do your job. Your customer had no right to say that to you and should mind her own freaking business.

Answer 4

This is so insensitive. How come she was watching what you eat for lunch for heaven's sake! The only time someone can tell you something like that is if you ASK for their opinion.

I have had similar happen to me - not because of my weight but because of my age. Luckily, I'm old enough to ignore such disrespectful behaviour and basically just tell the person to p*** off and mind their own business. Mind you, Aussie women are known for speaking up for themselves!

Answer 5

I am truely hoping that she meant well, but just didnt say it well, but either way, it was rude to decide for herself how you should live and eat.

If you had answered with something like, well I have seen your makeup and you need some professional help, she very well might have seen the error of her comments, but alas some are just very self righteous and do not believe there is another thought process out there that could be right unless it is their own.

Answer 6

For the sake of your good health I feel that it's alright if a stranger says that you should control your diet. But of course it should be said very politely. Even if you think that he shouldn't have said it at all but did say shouldn't you now ponder about your health vs diet. Look after yourself well because life is very precious. I too was overweight but I have really streamlined myself and I am very happy about it. Please don't take my statement in an offensive way, I am just trying to convince you that good health is a must to remain healthy all the time.

Answer 7

Absolutely not. The best way for you to look at the situation is that your weight is a physical condition. Her attitude and conduct is a MENTAL condition. You are comfortable with your weight and for some reason SHE is not ... to the point of utter rudeness. Who's problem is it REALLY then? You are in control of your own life and don't allow those with such low self-esteem to make you doubt yourself.

Answer 8

Freedom of speech, so yes they have the right. There are also consequences for those rights. That was a rude thing to say even if you are comfortable. Most people are so comfortable in their own skin.

Answer 9

That's totally inappropriate. Some people think that everyone needs to hear their opinion on everything. If you are happy how you are then just ignore it. Actually, you could even say something about how your lunch is none of her business unless she's buying.

Answer 10

She was waaaaay out of line. Don't put up with insults on the job, you are not being paid to listen to their opinion.

I was a little heavy once, co-workier started calling me "tubby". Rather than going to HR, I simply told her
"I can diet, you need therapy".

I dieted, lost the weight, she went on stress leave (everyone shunned her - she was v. nasty).

Sums it all up.