my parents are constantly fighting. somebody help?

Question

my parents both came from Vietnam, trying to escape during the war. they met in california and married. they now have 5 children (including me). we are a lower class working family and my parents work from like 8 am to 10 pm (mom and dad). i do not see my parents a lot and are usually alone. my parents are always fighting and sometimes my dad is violent. i wish they would stop fighting but i do not know what to do. my mom says that she doesn't love my dad anymore and wants to get a divorce. i barely see my dad though because he is always at work. after work he hangs out at a restaurant with his friends and does not come home. my mom gets very upset and is stressed a lot from the work she has to do. they are not proud of their children. the oldest dropped out of high school and is gay. he has a job but is in credit card debt for spending irresponsibly. the 2nd oldest brother is also a high school drop out, loner, no friends, bad hygeine, internet addict, depressed and irresponsible.

the next is my sister who actually has accomplished things that are meaningful. all of the kids still live in the family though the oldest are over 21 and are poor. i look up to my sister a lot but she is gone all the time also. when my parents work long hours, she is more of a mom than my mom is, since my mom is always gone. the next child is going through highschool as a freshmen. and then there is me. i am not usually depressed, but once i think about it, i am very sad, especially right now. i want my parents to be together and happy but i can see no way that i can do that. my mom is a hard worker. my dad is a hard worker. my dad is also a obnoxious, loud, drunk and drinks and smokes a lot. my mom is probably more sad than i am. once they fought today i was so sad that i just cried. as of right now i feel like i'm already dead and just in a body.. hopefully tomorrow this feeling will go away, but my parents will still be the same.

Answer 1

you have no control over these people, yes they are family but you cannot control or make up their minds for them. talk to both of them if possible and see if they have any advice for you and what might actually happen over the course of the next few months so you can at least know what is going on. take care of your self thru all this.

Answer 2

Your parents need to go to a counselor.. If you don't have the money go meet with a pastor at a church and they can give some guidance. That's a shame about your family. You shouldn't be that stressed over this. If your mother doesn't love your father anymore then maybe a divorce is a good thing. Keep your head up and learn from the mistakes of your siblings. Don't make the same mistakes they did.

Answer 3

It sounds like your parents are under a lot of pressure and stress because they've been working so hard. Your parents most probably have a lot on their minds like their relationship, financial struggles, and then taking care of their children.

It must be hard to communicate to them how you feel, but if they do listen to you then you could tell them how you feel and express to them how this is affecting you.

You can't stop them from fighting but you can always do something about yourself. If you see or hear them fighting, try to get away from it so that you won't feel the bad vibes and feel so bad about it. If you parents or your mom keeps talking about a divorce, let her talk and just listen. She is only human too and needs to vent out her feelings. What you need to do now is to worry about yourself.

Time will pass by and you're going to grow up and move out some day. Just take all your sadness and anger and put it in your studies and be the best student that you can be, put yourself through college and then you will get to experience your own life. Make your parents life your inspiration to make something of yourself. This will inspire you to strive harder and have a better life for yourself than what is going on now.

Answer 4

Talk to your parents and tell them what is going on. All the fighting is making you depressed and you need someone to talk to. Tell them if they won't go to counseling that they have to stop arguing it is tearing you apart. You have to understand that all parents argue, but if it's not working out for them and they decide to get a divorce you have to come to terms with and accept that it is for the best. Anything that happens is not your fault and you should not blame yourself for what they are going through. Your parents are only arguing because they are tired of working. The money that they are making are probably to pay bills and help keep the house up. What your parents should do is tell your brothers that they need to get a job and help out to pay bills and if they can't they have to get out and find a place to live. They are high school drop-outs and no jobs what are they there for if they can't help the family. I say to you be strong for your parents and talk to them that the arguing is stressful for everyone and they have to parents and decide what to do to bring this family back. Either try to work together or get a divorce either way their life will still be stressful with or without each other. Ask them to try family counseling or marriage counseling, talk to someone before they tear the family apart.

Answer 5

Brother, i read your question.

I want to trade my family with yours, since you have it so good. I was born in England. In an irish family of 6. My father never worked due to turbelocus, so my mother suported the whole family.

We never had nothing, we were living from bread meal to sardines on toast, or banana sandwichs.

My family consisted of, Joanna, Ken, Pauline, John, Timmy ( thats me) and Alan.

Ken died at age 32 of a heart attack.

John has a mental condition that he will live with forever.

Joanne had a baby at aged 16 and was kicked out of the family, The family have not talked to her since.

So, i have not really any advice except you have got it good.

You have a family full, it may be weird and disfunctional, but at least you have it, a lot of people have it worse.

Its your life Brother, you have one thing to do, help your mother and father, your brothers and sisters should take care of themselves.

Life never is what you see, life is what you can do.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that you have two not so responsible parents. Though, I think they are still providing you a roof to stay. You can't fix their problem. All you may do is to tell them you would like to have an intact home and hopefully they'll understand your need. But, if your father is abusive to your mother, I won't care that they are staying together or not.

I hope that you'll take good care of yourself even though this is really hard for you to stay in a family like this. You can create your own good family in the future.

Take care.

Answer 7

Our creator can give you better advise than anyone.

(Colossians 3:13-14) . . .Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave YOU, so do YOU also. 14 But, besides all these things, [clothe yourselves with] love, for it is a perfect bond of union.

Your family could benefit greatly from a free home bible study.
Look up Jehovah’s Witness in your phone book. Ask them to deliver a copy of “What Does the Bible Really Teach?”
There is no cost or obligation to you. Jehovah’s Witness are delivering invitations to our annual conventions all over the nation. The theme this year is “Follow the Christ”! Look for one on your door. Please accept the invitation. You will learn more in one day, than you have learned your whole life in churches. There is no charge to attend. Bring a simple lunch.

For more information go to www.Watchtower.org
Would you welcome a free home bible study? Choose “YES”

Answer 8

If you are still in school, try talking to the school counselor. They are trained to help. If you are older, get you a job and start saving you money to get out of there. You can be anything that you make up your mind to be. Don't let the mess that is going on at home affect you and your future. Try to avoid being in the middle of the situation. There is nothing that you can do to change things. It is up to your parents to do that.

Answer 9

Elaine, you have some serious issues here. Obviously your parents would benefit from counseling...but a) they probably aren't interested, b) they may need a Vietnamese counselor (hard to find), c) they probably aren't interested. My very serious suggestion is for you to seek counseling for yourself. You are describing a problem that bothers you. So, get help for yourself. You can't change your older brothers. You are obviously aware of the issues facing your family...which suggests to me you have a good sense of yourself, good insight and intelligence. So go to counseling.There are counseling centers all around most major cities that take clients on a sliding scale...that is, charge on a sliding scale dependent upon ability to pay. Get help for yourself, then perhaps you can help your family. Good luck.

Answer 10

You should talk to them individually, in a calm tone, and let each one know how bad this makes you feel. They shouldn't be fighting in front of you, but a lot of parents do. Go out as much as you can with your friends and have fun.