Is it rational for a father to indeffinitely ban his teenage daughter from all of her friends....?

Question

and not even let her go to visit her grandmother?

This is the situation my 14 year old cousin is in because her mother let her get her hair dyed (not even that drastically) knowing that her father would not approve. She only has red streaks throughout her hair, and it's actually rather pretty.

Her dad says "Its not the hair that bothers me, it's the principle of it." But doesn't the punishment of total banishment from friends or anything she wants to do seem a little drastic, esp. during summer? The father and daughter already have a strained relationship and I fear for how this might turn out.

Answer 1

I know that the best thing her and her dad can do is talk and try to compromise. The whole situation COULD be a lot worse and if he doesn't give her leniency and room for error she and he will learn the hard way. It could lead her to rebel and stray away from him. I would hope that someone would talk to both of them about working it out - getting some sort of agreement. I also think she should be able to have GOOD friends, and ones that are positive to be around or else I'm sure she'll go crazy with out at least some to talk to about what to do!

Answer 2

There is more to this than you are saying, you even tell us that when you say it is already strained. That says that this is NOT the first problem, but what the father is hopeing is the last on a long list of problems.

Does this punishment fit this crime. No. But in this day and age parents are using a different approach. Its not so much THE crime, but the NUMBER of them that got you here.

For example

If I told my daughter no about her hair, but she did it anyway. I would ground her for the weekend.

If this was number 10 on a list of not listening to me, then it would be a longer punishment, say for a month, or until the hair grows out its normal color, or over the week with the final day being a trip at her expense to have her hair dyed to its natural color.

You dont give enough information for a complete answer, but I hope that helps.

Answer 3

Its not rational at all. First off her own mother approved it, and 2nd the punishment does not fit the "crime" at all. Keeping someone an isolated prisoner is going to have harmful long term affects on this young girls psyche. I would be very concerned because what she did wasnt even bad, and it makes me wonder what will happen if she ever did make a real mistake.
This family needs counseling for 2 reasons at least. One is the mother and father are not together on whats right and wrong, and 2nd the father has overkill on punishment over nothing. He will drive this child eventually to do something drastic and rebellious if he does not get a grip.

Answer 4

Well, i can see where he is comming from. She, essentialy did it behind his back. That would tick me off too. He probably says things when he is angry. He may cool dopwn later. She is punished for deliberately doing something that she knew her dad wouldn't approve of. Maybe, when things calm down and she has been grounded for about a week, she can catch him in a good mood and apologize. She can tell him that she understands now why he is so upset and she is really sorry for hurting him. She likes her hair and don't he think it is nice at all? She needs to be respectful, making sure that he sees she understands his point of view. NOw comes the hard part...if he still doesn't like it, she will have to make a deal with him. Maybe he will let her keep it for the summer but she will have to dye it back normal for school. or maybe she will have to dye it back before he lets her out of her room. I know that when you are a teen, these things don't make any sense. BELIEVE ME!!! I was grounded a lot and I would be so angry I almost couldn't contain it, but when I got older I saw things from a different perspective.

Answer 5

Sounds like the dad's a dictator. God, I'd hate to be her. It's a bit extreme, but for every family, there exists a different way of disciplining. I'd have her talk to her mother and try to get the dad to ease up some. Besides, the dad should blame the mother as well since she gave permission to her daughter to dye her hair. Jesus, I mean what happened to teenagers expressing themselves? Poor friend of yours living with a dictator-dad like that.

I wish her luck...

Answer 6

It is her mother's fault, and she should be taking up for her daughter. That kind of punishment is really extreme, but then I don't know how the rest of the situation is. If she has done things like this habitually, she may need a severe punishment.

Answer 7

That.replaced into.Hilarious. I extraordinarily loved how the daughter wrote down maximum of those really terrible (or maybe unlawful) issues in this kind of nonchalant way! even as unclear, i imagine that it is a way that any student might want to apply even as featuring their mom and father with their report card- even as that's undesirable, besides (in the different case i does no longer propose that you're taking the prospect of giving them a heart-attack). astounding one!! :)

Answer 8

It isn't irrational from the dad's point of view- but it is unfair. Seems to me he is a bit of a control freak who cannot control the actions of his wife, so uses his daughter to get at her.
Your friend's mum was also wrong to do this, knowing that her dad would be angry. It sounds like your friend has lousy parents and she is a bit of a ping pong ball between them.
be there for your friend- her real friends will always be there despite the sillinesss of her parents!

Answer 9

You KNOW it's irrational for a father to ban his daughter from going out with her friends; it won't work. He needs to get over his crappy "principles" and open his eyes to the world of dyed hair, piercings, and tattoos --- self-expression (and rather hot, I might add).

Answer 10

Dad is just letting off steam
He puffs out his chest and says I AM THE MAN OF THE HOUSE AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!!!!!!
Stay cool..... get her to talk to her mum after all she gave her approval. Mum has to step up to the plate and have her say.
Let things just die down for a little while and he will have calmed down by then (one would hope) then approach him again