I'm 26,single, and I have a career that I hate. I want to continue my education, but it requires a move across the country. I am an only child of a single parent. My mom is 64, depressed and has bad diabetes. I feel guilty moving so far across the counry, but the programs I'm looking for are not available in my part of the country. Should I stay to take care of my mom, or go on and go back to school?
2007-06-14 17:07:43 · 10 answers · asked by jhs80123 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mom has obviously done a lot for you and bought you up. This does not mean that you have to live in her pocket for the rest of your/her life. Your mom will want to see you be a man and make a life for yourself. I think you should go and do it, but don't see it as leaving your family behind, see it as making a better life for yourself. Who knows, once you have finished your course and get a better job you will probably be able to 1. move back to your home town with qualifications to get a higher paying job or 2. earn enough money to move your mom over to you and let her live a life she neve could.
good luck xx
2007-06-14 17:12:26 · answer #1 · answered by Knowitall 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Yeah, I had the same problem. Only child, dad has been dead for years. My mother was 40 years older than me. I was working at a job where I hated my boss and she hated me.
I was interested in joining the Peace Corps. I went through the whole process, and I was basically waiting for an assignment.
Then mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and started chemotherapy. She needed help and I couldn't leave the country for two years.
Depression is very treatable, if your mom sees a physician about it. Diabetes is controllable, if your mom watches her diet and takes prescribed medication. So if she does the right things, she could live to be 90.
In my humble opinion -- and you have to be the ultimate judge of the situation -- you have a window of opportunity -- a narrow window -- in which you can continue your education.
Your mom has resources, such as her physicians and the local senior center. But she has to make the effort.
Communication here is extremely important. Your mom needs to know that you're not abandoning her, and that you love her. But you also have a life, and eventually your window of opportunity may close.
I say go for it. In my opinion, you're a person with a very kind heart just for asking the question, because many people would do what they want to do regardless of family. You have nothing to feel guilty about. So best wishes, and God bless you.
2007-06-14 17:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Mishima666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to school. Your mom is not incapacitated, she should be able to look out after herself (and she ought to be happy you will be getting a better education which will help you with finding a quality job that, hopefully, will support you and her in the future). Get her into counseling and a support group right now so she has contacts other than you to lean on. You don't have to remain so far away; you can always move closer after you finish school and you will be going home for visit when you get breaks. And she can come visit you occasionally. It's not the end of the world; just a new beginning for you. 64 is still young and even bad diabetes doesn't necessarily have to end your independence.
2007-06-14 17:15:16 · answer #3 · answered by Inundated in SF 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the military, so I move to places I more or less have no control over. Moving away is hard on both sides. I jump at the chance to go home. It's definitely a hard decision to make. Sometimes if you wait it out, something better pops up. Then other times you miss your one shot. You just have to decide what's important. You can still call and visit, and maybe move back once you've finished school.
2007-06-14 17:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by bill_quad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to go. Think of it this way : Once you finish your education and get yourself established in your career, you can either move back or have your mom move with you. You aren't a doctor or a psychologist and can't make everything better, as much as you want to. You'll be able to provide better for her when you get established in a good career. Good year.
2007-06-14 17:13:09 · answer #5 · answered by brownieleslie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arrange for friends or family members to help your mother out. She's not too old to stand on her own two feet. This is the only time you will have this opportunity, and you should take it. If your mother loves you, she wants what is best for you and would want you to go. You are too young to be your mothers caretaker, and its not like you are running away. Go with a free conscious and good luck.
2007-06-14 17:19:39 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel as though you should take care of your mom since you've mentioned that she's depressed and has diabetes as well. She took care of you, now it's your turn to take care of your mom who brought you up as a single parent. She needs you more now than ever. You're still young and I'm sure that you can still educate yourself where you are now. It may not be the courses that you prefer as of now, but I'm sure that you can find something at least close to them. Take care of your one and only mother!!!
2007-06-14 17:14:15 · answer #7 · answered by ~*FIFI*~ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you talked to your mom about it? I had a friend who didn't want to leave his mom to go to school, and when he asked her about it she got all teared up. She was so happy that her boy was going to go off and do something with his life. Apparently she was feeling guilty about holding him back. That might be something to think about.
2007-06-14 17:13:13 · answer #8 · answered by double_o_shelbo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow your mother really worked a number on you. Time to cut that umbilical. Don't be surprised if she follows you across country.
2007-06-14 17:13:37 · answer #9 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya u should but tell thim that u love thimand u will be back
2007-06-14 17:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by superboz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋