Christians, Atheists, or anyone in between: Can someone explain this to me?

Question

After a series of silly and irrelevant events following a party, a former acquaintance of mine was talking to my best friend. This former acquaintance said about me, "I can't be friends with her, anyway. She's an atheist or something. And I'm a Catholic."

I've been puzzling over this for some time now. Personally, I think she was unable to be an adult and look me in the face about those irrelevant events I spoke of. However, it seemed amusing to me that someone would use their religious belief in such a manner.

What's even funnier to me is that I'm not an atheist. I'm agnostic. But she seems to think there's no difference. Or that we're all the same. Or maybe she doesn't know the difference.

As I'm unable (and maybe a little unwilling) to contact her myself, can someone please explain this logic to me? Why do some people feel that friendships cannot happen between people with different beliefs? And if that wasn't her motivation, why would anyone use their beliefs in such a manner?

She wasn't really in my life to begin with.

Uh . . . I never once said I wanted her to be my friend. In fact, I rarely spoke to her to begin with. She was always invited to the same functions I was, and I was entertained by her when she got drunk. But that was it. I spent most of my time trying to keep her from going off with strange men. In fact, I physically protected her a few times.

It's not her I'm concerned about. It's the thought process.

rejoiceinthelord: Huh?

orchidmg: I really wanted to spare people the details because it is very middle school. Of course, I can't give you her side of the story. But if you really want to know, you can e-mail me.

Answer 1

Being a Catholic myself, I tend to think that there's more to this story. There's always 2 sides to a story. First, she wasn't being Christ-like toward you. She should have talked to you personally if she has an issue to discuss that is bothering her and she shouldn't talk about you behind your back. Gossiping is a venial sin. Second, Christ says to love our enemies, our neighbors, our brethren, our family, & ourselves. So we are to love all people, no matter what their beliefs are or aren't and no matter how they treat us in return. Christ loved the soliders that nailed Him to the cross and the Jews that sentenced Him to death and denied Him. So just because she said she is a Catholic doesn't mean she is truly devote to her religion. Obviously she has things to work on.
(we all do from time to time)

Can you think of any time that religion had been a topic between the 2 of you or in a group where the 2 of you were in together? Did that discuss get rough? Were feelings hurt? Did anyone sound disrespectful? If something like this happened in the past, and maybe more than once, maybe this woman can't forgive and forget. Or maybe she heard something being said and thought you said it but it came from someone else. There could be different possibilities. If you really want to know, you will have to talk to her yourself. She should have said something to you earlier. But how does someone go up to another person and say "I don't think we can be friends because we have very different religious beliefs". That's uncomfortable.

Eitherway, she isn't acting the way Christ told us Catholics to be to others. If you really want to get to the bottom of this, you will have to take the next step and talk to her. It's hard for me to say this and hurts to say this, but there are many Catholics and other Christians that "talk the talk but don't walk the walk." And I highly urge people that see this happening to question that person. It will open our sees to our own faith and hopefully kick our butts back to the path of God.

Peace!

Answer 2

That's a great question because it has been happening ever since time began. It is really just selfishness in not wanting anything to do with someone who disagrees about something. It isn't always the case though. A difference of opinion in one part of life doesn't mean that there aren't many other things that we can agree on. Even married couples who love each other, seldom agree on everything.

However, the other side of the coin is that you may discount the importance of the things you said, but they may be very important to the other person. It may not be the thing you disagree about that is the problem, but rather how easily you ridiculed her. There are always 2 (or more) sides to every story, and it is always advisable to do a little self-analysis to see if maybe you weren't a little bit at fault for the words that were said and the feelings that were crushed.
If I were you, I would approach her again and try to renew the friendship, admitting any fault and putting things behind you. But be prepared that the issue you found so irrelevent, may be of great significance to her.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I think that there are some people who just have too much fear. When I was a believer, I went through periods where I felt a great deal of fear of things that I felt were an affront to God. (I remember I was probably around 12 years old at the time.) I would have been afraid that having an atheist in my life would somehow offend God. I was afraid of anything that I felt contradicted the beliefs I held so strongly at the time. (And oh my gosh...if you had told me that I would someday BE an atheist I would probably have tried to do you in. lol.) I did grow out of that phaze quickly. I can sort of imagine what she is probably thinking and feeling, because I assume it's probably along the same lines. Don't be angry at her...feel sorry for her. Hopefully her self-confidence and her confidence in her beliefs will improve someday to the point where she realizes that she doesn't need to be afraid. Right now she's hurting no one but herself.

Answer 4

I'm an atheist ,I don't believe in any gods.A theist believes in some god.Christianity is a subset of theism.A Christian believes in a particular God and Jesus(his alleged son) and his message from the Bible.There are hundreds of sects of Christianity splitting hairs over the details.They all claim to be right.Go figure. I'm also ,as you are, an agnostic,if only slightly.I make no claims of absolute certainty but I certainly don't believe.I think we're all agnostic,no one knows for sure what comes after death.To me Christians(or anyone else) claiming absolute certainty are delusional. Edit:not believing in any gods is the only thing all atheists agree on.Only a minority deny the existence of any gods.Ignore the fools claiming differently.Atheism is not practiced,it's not in any sense a religion.Quaz is wrong about almost everything he wrote.I assume he got his name right. (((My Goddess Erin))) Oh,the irony.:)

Answer 5

When two people marry, they bring all their beliefs into the home, and along with it comes the traditions of their parents, and the things they taught you about life and faith. When two people choose to marry who belive totally differently, it is a potential battle ground in the relationship. The Bible teaches that we should not be 'unequally yoked together with unbelievers'. It may seem unimportant to you now, but in time, when children come along and one wants them to go to church and the other wants them to stay home.... well, the fight is on.... There is a difference between an agnostic and an athiest. Most teens and 20's if they are not raised in faith, are still struggling to know what they believe and why. Discover it before you marry, then choose carefully someone who believes as you do. Pre marital counseling can help you sort out the difference you both have and help you to face the reality of your choices and the differences in the way you think.

Answer 6

People can be mean spirited, close minded, or just down-right stubborn. We have seen all types on this particular board, but its nice to see someone genuinely question what a close minded individual can mae another individual feel.

We can't control how other people think. Perhaps what she said was misinterpreted by the person that relayed the message. I'm not sure I'd be anxious to start up a conversation with this person or not, but then you will never know how that person really feels. People who discriminate suck! (I know that sentence was discriminatory, so I guess I suck too!)

Answer 7

Actually, I knew of two friends in my U.S. History class, one of whom was an atheist and the other was a Catholic. The Catholic one was getting into the debates pretty heatedly, defending the rights of the atheists as if she were one herself.

Myself, I've been friends with Catholics, Christians, Muslims, Jews, and so on, and I'm an atheist. Some relationships have been fine after they discovered my beliefs...others turned out not so well. Depends on the person.

Some people, I've discovered, don't know the meaning of 'agnostic' or actually have confused it with atheism (I remember one girl describing agnosticism as 'not believing in God or something').

Answer 8

The only person that will change you would be YOU.

That would be her misfortune. If she is afraid you will pluck religion out of her head, she is being withdrawn socially as well as spiritually and is immature in her faith.

It's not something to convince her of, actually. First of all, the fact that Jesus forgave prostitutes and others says that Christians are to be open and loving toward all men, whether they believe or not. He also indicated we need to obey government but serve God (yes, I am using examples to explain, and only explain her troubles) which explains why he didn't try to flee his crucifixion and why he beat the crap out of the moneychangers in the temple for defiling it.

Of course, she was given free will by God, so I assume she can deal with whomever she wants to, but I find it a bit immature.

Answer 9

She sounds quite manipulatve. Using the fact that she is "Catholic" unfortunately puts Catholics on the hit list. I personally am not Catholic but I am christian. Her manipulation far outweighs her belief in God. She is putting herself above God and is not a friend in any sense of the word. Neither should you be concerned - I would just move on. Branch out and find more friends and move on from the typical girl bitchiness that goes on throughout society. I am a mum, I know. Your integrity is obvious - she doesn't have any. Good luck.

Answer 10

She may not be allowed to associate freely.But if it's her choice, to maintain a life apart from the general, pluralistic society, you should respect it. You should decide if she is what you want as a friend too.

I have only several friends, in a long life. I have many close acquaintances. I decide who I like, and associate with, and if that's bigotry, so be it...

How do you feel about the Amish, or monks in Tibet? You could ask them why they are reclusive, but I think they associate by invitation only.