My first love and I just broke up. We were together for a little over a year, and I was deeply commited to our relationship. We had our problems, but I steadfastly believed that we could work them out. He did not. He asked to take a break from our relationship, and after a week of thinking, trying to call, and being ignored, I wrote him a letter saying to forget the break, and that I couldn't be with someone I couldn't trust. My heart is devastatingly broken, and I truly feel as though I'm never going to be able to trust someone with it again.
For those who have been through it, how long did it take for these feelings of heartache and wreck to subside, and how do you trust another man after the one who you loved so dearly breaks your heart?
2007-06-14 15:19:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The pain will subside gradually..over time.how long you ask?Well that depends on what you do with it..you can choose to dwell on it and beat yourself up for it not working or you can allow yourself to heal by moving on to better things such as meeting other people,going out and having fun,and doing things that you love..this is a learning experience that you went through..how will you trust another man again?-very carefully..someone new that comes into your life deserves a chance and a fair shot..you give a little trust in the beginning until it grows and grows...the more he shows it the more secure you may become..I wish you the best..everything happens for a reason,hun..you will meet someone else..just be cautious..you can be happy again just guard your heart and only give it when the time is right and that is when he has shown you that you can trust him!
2007-06-14 15:33:53 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Melissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can't give you a definite answer on how long it will take for you to recover. but know that although you might feel like a vital part of you is gone and you are mourning the loss of him, you will wake up each day and gradually, little by little, your pain will fade away. you might find yourself laughing for the first time. you might find that you didnt think of your boyfriend when you passed the street where you guys met. you might forget the way he smells. and one day, you will find that the once deep and passionate sadness that plagued you has softened into a quiet sadness, a few dry memories. and thats when you put the memories in a box and move on. it helps to hang out with your female friends, to occupy yourself with hobbies instead of sitting around at home, to pursue things of interest that maybe you didnt have time for when you spent time with him, to go shopping and make yourself feel beautiful...etc etc. basically, be busy!
and there's absolutely no reason not to trust men again. i dont know the specifics of your relationship to this man and what kind of person he was. if you couldnt trust him, then moving on and forgetting about him is definitely a good idea. realize that your ex boyfriend does not represent all men. realize that someday you will meet someone different, someone who is NOT your boyfriend. don't put your judgement and hurt from one man upon others. it isn't fair to the other guys out there or yourself. however, i do totally understand why you might feel like all men are beasts and want to smash them in the face, but someday you'll get over that feeling, prolly with the help of someone new. you know why things end? so other things, perhaps better things, can begin.
2007-06-14 22:37:26 · answer #2 · answered by kaelynn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aw honey the feelings will not leave anytime soon, but at the moment the only way to try getting over it is giving it time, cry when you feel like it, dont stop your emotions, i felt the same way about my 1st love, but then i learned, life goes on, and the world doesnt revolve around one person, yes you will cry and itll take lots of time, but someday maybe lets say a year from now or so, you will feel better, and you will meet new guys, and when you remember this ex without crying or feeling a damn thing, only then you will know that hes history and that youre totally over him, dont listen to people who say GO OUT, or OCCUPY yourself with FRIENDS, thats not true, you should have some space, see your friends and go out a little, but the majority of the time should be for yourself, to sort things out, and they will, or else life wouldnt go on, right? GOOD LUCK
2007-06-14 22:32:08 · answer #3 · answered by caroline 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. We were together a year and a half. I loved him like no other. But he broke my heart. I dumped him and a week later he had someone else. It devastated me. Its been a year and I still kinda love him the feeling hasn't gone away. I just recently started dating my best friend and im crazy about him. He earned my trust by being my freind. Its rough. But stay away from him and it will be okay.
Good Luck
~Kaycee Lee
2007-06-14 22:25:44 · answer #4 · answered by kaycee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can say is that you have to learn to trust them again I know it will be hard but I know you can handle it. He wont know how much of a specail person you are. Only time can help. Just forget about him and move on with your life. Someday and somewhere you will find the love of your life. I know I did. He wasn't worth your time or effort. Trust me it was hard for me to trust someone again. It took me a year just to trust someone. Only time will tell. I hope this will help you!
2007-06-14 22:30:11 · answer #5 · answered by littleswimmer8288 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to get past this is to get back out there. He was just one guy. There are millions of others. Don't be afraid to get involved or to trust. The more you work at getting back out there the faster you will get over it. Psychologist say that it takes the equivalent of half the time you were together to get over the relationship. But if you work at finding new interests, new hobbies, new boyfriend, the faster you will get over it.
2007-06-14 22:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it can take a long time and it will hurt for a while . try to keep youre self occupied ............. or just look at some of the things you didnt like about the relationship ............try to find someone else . that wont fix youre heart but at least u will have some one . and he didnt cheat so it wasent a trust thing . just remeber u are never promised tommorow with some one else. ps playing (bob marley) can help you with youre heart breake just try it
2007-06-14 22:36:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to rush yourself with getting over this. I know what you're feeling. You need time to repair your emotions and calm yourself down. This may take longer than you may expect or want, but it is necessary. Try hanging around good friends that like to make you laugh. Trust me, it does help. Don't forget this completely though -- it will make you smarter in your next relationship. Good luck!
2007-06-14 22:27:51 · answer #8 · answered by immortal.whisper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might take awhile depending on your personality...but if you really want to feel better I suggest you go hangout with your friends...its always a good way to recieve good comforting.You may even want to try just going to the Gym and Letting it all out on exercising..thats always helped me. Or Better yet Listen to some happy Music.
2007-06-14 22:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
breaking up is always painful, but life goes on with you or without you....and thats the choice you have to make...let life pass you by while your feeling sorrow or savor he good times and learn from what mistakes were made in this relationship to the point that you feel comforted with the feeling you will not repeat such mistakes and begin to look forward to another relationship...not seek one out but welcome such an opportunity to fall in love again.
2007-06-14 22:25:56 · answer #10 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋