Ex roomate asked for money once again but this time I said no! Did I do the right thing?

Question

I have been helping my ex roomate out with financial loans for 5 years now. She gets into trouble where she falls behind in her bills or has no money to buy groceries for her and her son and I help out. I have extra money and I don't mind helping out but exactly when is enough enough.
She called me this afternoon crying her eyes outs about how she wrote a bounced check for her May's rent and she is going to have to go to court if she doesn't come up with the $200 fee.
I said no because I feel like she needs to grow up and be responsible for herself. She is 28 has one child and one on the way.
I know that as a Christian the Lord wants us to help those in need but is there ever a limit? Is she taking advantage of my kindness or am I obligated to continue to help her because I have been blessed with the extra money? Serious advice only please. Thanks

Answer 1

There is charity, and then there is being taken advantage of. This woman will continue to take advantage of you until you put a stop to it.

Christians are instructed to take care of those who are poor and cannot help themselves. This woman is an adult; I presume she is capable of holding down a job and managing a checkbook. You are not required by any scripture that I know of to continue to act as her personal banker; in fact, you may be doing her a favor by forcing her to become more responsible.

Sometimes God makes things hard for us so that we learn the lessons we need to learn, and sometimes it's up to us to do that for other people, too.

Good luck.

Answer 2

A lot of this depends on the precise situation inside the house. As you correctly mentioned, leaving other people unsupervised in the house is a kind of negligence on your part which enabled the thief to commit his crime. Therefore in a civil court you might be held partly responsible because the threat to your roommates' property could have been foreseen by you.. Imagine a different scenario - your roommate is not present and his room unlocked. You decide to have a party with 20 guests at the house without his knowledge. After the party he finds that some of his property from his room has been damaged or stolen, apparently by a guest of the party. In that case it too would be quite clear that your roommate could get recompensation from you because you endangered his property in a foreseeable way without trying to protect it or giving him the opportunity to do so. Another scenario: A friend asks you to hold his shopping bags while he is off to a public men's room. Instead of holding them, you place them on the floor at the entrance to a shop and go inside. When you return, the bags are gone. Someone stole them. In that case too not only the actual thief is responsible, but also you to whom the bags were entrusted. Did your roommate know that you'd leave other persons unsupervised inside the house? If so, then the situation changes again - he should have locked his room then, and not doing so was negligent on his part.

Answer 3

So you gave her your coat and your cloak too....That's enough. She is a chronic immature taker. Keep saying no. There are other sources she needs to go to. If she is mature enough to help in the creation of a baby, then she is also mature enough to learn to handle money and life's responsibilities. Tell her you are her friend and you will be praying for her. She needs to get a job, get some food stamps, and get some prenatal care. Recommend that she go to her church to talk to her pastor. He should help her get her act together. Reality is about to hit her. Some are late bloomers
You have no responsibilities for her. She is not your child, and you are not her parent. She is making horrible choices and she will pay the price for those choices. Letting her face the consequences is the best thing you can do to help her grow up. As long as you pay her bills and bail her out, you are enabling her excessive spending, and irresponsible lifestyle. Where is the father of her children? Child support? Parents?

Answer 4

As long as you keep bailing her out, she will keep coming back asking for money. You have to stop being her personal bank.

Instead of lending her money, why don't you help her learn some skills in money management? First of all, she should make an appointment with a financial counselor. She might be able to consolidate her bills and have fewer monthly expenditures.

Help her to find ways to be independent instead of making her dependent on you. You can still be a friend to her and give her lots of emotional support. That is really the best gift you can give her.

Answer 5

No there is no limit. Do you think God limits how many of your prayers He answers? If someone is in need and asks for help one should do the charitable thing and help.

Deuteronomy 15:7 “If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother.”


1 John 3:17 “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?”


Proverbs 14:31 “He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”

Proverbs 19:17 “He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.”

Answer 6

of course she needs to help herself. She's almost 30 and should be able to support herself by now, especially if she's got two kids.

I have a friend who would get money and blow it and then not have it to pay her bills. I bought a textbook for her that cost 109 dollars. I'm still waiting on my payback even though she's had the money several times but spent it. I'm getting right tired of asking for it. I won't loan her more than 10 dollars anymore.

Answer 7

I think that being a Christian doesn't mean that you are senseless and should fall prey to people trying to use you. She has to grow up, and be accountable for how she is spending her money. I think you demonstrated the love of God by continuosly helping her. She shouldn't put you in a difficult situation by throwing the weight of her problems on you. I hate to say it, but it sounds as though you're being used. It appears to be a pattern.

Answer 8

Don't give her fish to eat, teach her to fish so she can take care of herself.
Tell her that you will help her this one last time if she agrees to sit down with you and go over her finances. Help her create a budget, Find out what is making her live beyond her means and show her what she must cut out of the budget. If she has a big car loan, sell the car and take public trans etc.
Download this free budget software
http://www.snapfiles.com/reviews/AceMoney_Lite/acemoney.html

Answer 9

She is has learned to rely on you to help her out, she needs to learn the hard way about life, and taking care of herself. If people keep giving in to her she will never learn that she needs to be more responsible for her actions. Stop giving in to her for her own good. You have your own financial problems to deal with, as does everyone, and she needs to realize that.

Answer 10

After five years that person may be using you, you did the right thing even though it feels wrong. he/she should be able to get back on track in that time, unless they are living above their means which could be the problem. God also says " giving to someone is not helping, showing them how to do for themselves is how to help."