my boyfriend leaves all of the stress on me! help!?

Question

we've been together for 5 years, and we have a 18 month old little boy...I just turned 21 and he just turned 22.....and I feel so old! and he's so carefree....he leaves me to worry about things and knows I'll come through with it.....there are bills, our jobs, our sons doctor visits, laundry, housework and a bunch of other stuff.....if something doesn't turn out right....he won't worry too much about it....and he doesn't really help me out with anything....and here I am freaking out, stressing, and losing sleep at night.....there are times when i work overtime and i just wanna come home and chill, but then he'll leave and go off with his friends....and leave me with our son....(yes, he has a job) and strolls in late at night..and I'll be tired for work the next day! how do I put some of the responsibilities on him? and yes, I talk to him about this all the time....it just seems like he's not really listening, I just feel worn out

Answer 1

This is why you need to get to know someone before playing "pretend married" with them and making babies to make it more realistic. You didnt though. The ONLY thing you can do is tell him to go with you to counseling or move on you dont need a 3rd child to take care of.
By the way, it IS ok for him to do this to you, because he isnt married to you. Married people SHARE responsibilities. You are just a shack up honey for free sex.

Answer 2

Okay, let start off by saying that it doesn't matter if you are married or not. You and your boyfriend both created a child and you should BOTH share the responsibilities of raising this child plus all of the other responsibilities of living together. Someone mentioned that you should have gotten to know this person before shacking up with him. Ignore that comment because it definitely came from someone ignorant. You know what? How about all of the couples who did it "the right way" and I'm going to bet that a lot of those who did it the "right way" are divorced now.

And another thing about the comment that was made that you should have gotten to know this person first. NEWSFLASH---I know a lot of people change throughout the days, weeks, months, years and I know I'm certainly not the same person I was a few years ago. I'm a lot smarter, wiser and I learned the 2nd time around.

I was together with my ex-husband for 5 years before we got married and we were married for 5 years and guess what? We both changed and we grew apart. It happens and it doesn't make us bad people. We just weren't meant for each other.

Bottom line, my advice to you? You have brought this problem up to your boyfriend and it seems as if he is turning a deaf ear to you. I would recommend bringing up some counseling or even speaking to a Pastor at your local church to see if you can work out your problems. A lot of times it takes a 3rd person with unbiased opinions to help you out. If your boyfriend does not want to go through counseling then I think you have your answer......it's time to move on. You owe your child a lot better than that because your child is the one who is going to pay the ultimate price for your unhappiness. Your child is still young enough to "forget" the unhappy times right now. The problem is when they get older and when they understand what's going on. Trust me, you don't want to put your child through any of that.

Honestly, it's not really a bad idea for your boyfriend to do his own laundry, make his own dinner and clean up his own messes. It sounds like you are handling all of the responsibilities of raising your child and keeping up with all of the chores. This is not fair. It should really be 50/50.

Sweetie, you are still very young and you will come out of this strong. Just suggest some couseling with your boyfriend and if he is not willing to try then you need to question his love for you and your child. I know if my husband suggested counseling to salvage any part of our relationship....I would do anything and everything to ensure that I wouldn't lose my family. I love my husband and kids enough to get counseling to save our relationship.

Good luck to you and I hope I've helped you out. :)

Answer 3

your right. he isn't listening. he's a child. very immature for someone with a child of his own and he will continue to be as long as you keep enabling him. if you want to stay with him somethings got to give and i hope it isn't your sanity. try not doing his laundry,making his dinner or buying his beer. when he wants to know why this is,tell him you didn't have time. hopefully he'll get the point. eventually.