Any advice on dealing with a manipulative childish future father in law?

Question

I recently got engaged, we have been together for 4 wonderful years. My bf's father is an extremely self centered man that get horribly jealous when attention is taken away from him and basically pouts and makes childish statements when either noone pays attention to him or doesnt do what he wants. We are currently planning our wedding and have decided to do it overseas where I have lots more family. His mother is fine with the idea and so is his sister. He called tonight and stated that he had "bad news" and that neither his sister, him or his mother would be going to the wedding as he "wouldnt survive the flight sitting for 4 hours."(nothing wrong with him aside from being a hipochondriac) My boyfriend called his sister to ask her why she wouldnt be going and she said she hadnt talked to him in a week so that wasnt true, all she had said was she had to save for it, same thing was said by his mom. So he lied about what people said because he simply wants to be childish and manipulativ

He hurt his back about 20 yrs ago and only sits at home all day and buys toys and gadgets for himself to amuse his mind.

help! how to deal? my bf is hurt even though he does not show it, it makes me angry but i wont get involved but should we continue making plans for the wedding even through his tantrums?

ps. his mother has said she will go.. he is just trying to take us down the guilt route so he wont have to get out of his chair.

pps. he NEVER sees the wrong that he does.. he just figures everyone is just being mean and selfish to him.

Answer 1

Do you love your bf? Does your bf love you?

then ignore the petty child in a man's body and have as little to do with him (FIL) as possible after the wedding....

If mom and sister are fine with it, and are agreeable to being overseas, then dad will (maybe) come around in 10-20 years..... but I don't guarentee it..if he's set in his ways, you have a choice to make...

Deal with the hurt and talk to the bf..... make arrangements to go through without his dad, but with his mom and sister. I'd think that this would not be the first time dad disappointed son...and won't be the last.

don't give into the manipulation...it'll never stop. Most of all, keep the lines of communication open between you and the bf...... it;ll save a lot of trouble down the road.... Personally, I'd pretend that bf's dad did not exist, and build a relationship with bf's mom and sister and other family.....

Answer 2

Please dont worry. At least YOUR fiance still plans on marrying you. My fiance's family have done their best to destroy my future with my fiance and it is working.
I may not even be getting married. Mind you my wedding is only about 6 weeks away and my parents will lose all their deposits ( and some additionaly payments) for all the people I have hired already. And now I may not even be getting married.
It is tough to deal with horrible people but all you can do is be the nice person you are. Dont give in to them. Make him feel guilty. Call his father and say how disappointed you are that he cant make it and that his son was counting on him to be there. Since he is selfish then he should LOVE the attention you are giving him and love how important you make him sound.
If that doesnt help then just say "oh well...we will show you the pictures or video when we come home then! Bye!" And leave it at that.
Just explain to your fiance that you are sorry his father cant make it because of the traveling but he can always call his dad the day before and after the wedding. Also it is best he WONT be there. Cause then he wont be able to shine the spotlight on himself WHILE you are getting married.

Answer 3

Wow. That's definitely brutal! What I would do is call your future mother in law, and ask her if she will attend the wedding.
If he really wants to be so childish about it, than he can sit home and pout. Your boyfriend maybe can speak with his father, if he really wants him to be there, and ask him to come. 4 hour flights aren't that bad at all, and he'll have the company of his daughter and wife to help the time pass.

You shouldn't let him stand in the way. If your fiancee has no problem with the location, then it's no problem.

Answer 4

I have the future Mother-in-Law issues. She wants, needs and has to be the center of attention. My fiance isn't a mommas boy. She on the other hand won't let go. I just had my ordeal with MIL. I called her, told her all the things I needed and wanted to say, and my fiance backed me up 100%, even restated lots of points to her so that she knew he felt the same way. It may come to that for you. Good luck. If you don't put your foot down now, it's only going to get worse after you marry into the family.

Answer 5

Tell him he'll be missed and you'll be sure to take lots of video and pictures - it'll be almost like he were actually there. Make sure you sound very sorry that he won't be there to share in your happiness even though you really won't miss the old fart. DON'T let him manipulate you. If he chooses not to go then it's his loss. If he does decide to attend (and I bet he will if you don't kowtow to his demands) then get friends to take turns keeping him occupied so he can't grab any attention like faking a heart attack or something. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

You need to be firm with him, and anyone else who throws tnatrums, whether they're 2 or 52. You tell him we're getting married where my family is, this is the date, we hope you'll be able to make it--end of story. There is no plan B--he comes or he doesn't. Shame on him trying to hijack the wedding like that.

Answer 7

My grandfather was just like this and it drove my mother crazy. Thankfully he lived eight hours away in Utah, but still made her pull her hair out when he visited.

She was nice to him and never pointed out directly how overly dramatic and childish he was but never catered to his immaturity. In this way he couldn't cause a scene because she didn't directly call him out on his ways, but he knew she wasn't just going to baby him like everyone else. In essence, he just kinda stopped being so childish because she didn't give him a response he wanted.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I think your b/f should be handling your f.i.l. if he does nt then you talk to his wife and ask if she can do something . Or better yet just get away from this family where are these ppl from they sound like nut cases . If I were you I would run . good luck .

Answer 9

This is your husband in twenty years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!