Many of my friends characterize me as eccentric and wonder if my ideas will effect my child raising?

Question

First I will protect this child with my life and would do nothing to hurt it. Some of my ideas include no toy guns or swords if it's a boy; no "glamour" dolls if its a girl, no sugar except I plan to institute an 8:30 bedtime until the child reaches the age of 16. Actually that latter idea I got from my fiance's mother. She used to put him to bed at 8:30 pm on school nights with low fat warm milk and sugar free cookies until he almost reached 16. I met him when we were both 13 in day camp and when we got a little older I offered to put him to bed but she realized that was a very bad idea lol lol. We were under VERY CLOSE parental supervision. Now I'm pregnant and we will marry in the Sept-Dec time frame because he's joining the Army against her objections (and my mother's too, both moms are concerned for his safety) and we will marry by an Army Chaplan and make the baby legal lol lol. I admit I'm a little eccentric but will this limit my ability to be a good mother?

I want to let all of you know I really appreciate ALL of the answers and the links and references to books etc. I intend to do a through job of researching all the references and reread many of the answers to make sure I assimilated all the information. As a side note, he is very respectful and loving towards his mother and actually enjoyed the special time when she would sit by his bedside and cuddle with him and talk to him before bedtime. When he was 15 she said that he would be allowed to stay up as late as he wanted as long as he got enough sleep for school. He became very concerned that she did not love him @ was perhaps rejecting him. As a resutl she continued the bedtime practice but when he started looking like a big straping man told him that it had to stop and he had to take responsibility for his own bedtime.Today he sleeps like a rock starts to nod out early in the evening and wakes up in the morning with the sun. Anyway I love him sooo much and thank G-d for him.

There were so many great answers I really can't choose one over the other. I learned a lot and followed the link in one answer. I learned about attachment parenting from this answer and think that will be my style of mothering. (Oh it might have been a different question on the same subject). Anyway I'm going to be a hands on sort of mom except for one detail. In the research I did on hands on parenting it indicated that breast feeding until the child wants it to stop is ok. Well I'm not sure I'm going to follow that practice. As I indicated about my fiance's unusual bedtime practices if I followed that with a child that takes after him, well you get the picture. Thanks again and I'll let all of you vote for best answer. I think all the answers should be best answer lol lol so I can't choose.

Answer 1

Not at all. You will face a lot of criticism though. American parenting culture is one of distance and detachment. Your friends are used to that uncaring parenting method, and think it's odd to meet your child's needs or protect and guide them at any point in their childhood. You might want to research attachment parenting. It sounds like that's the way you're headed. I've written a few articles about AP as it applies to older children, but if you take a look at the resource links on the bottom of the article I'm linking to here, you will find a lot of valuable information.

Answer 2

Actually, you don't sound much different from many mothers today. I'm all for no glamour dolls for my daughter, but my son already has a toy sword. However, if he wants to, he already has a well-respected fencing instructor lined up to take proper fencing lessons.

I do encourage you to make sure your child learns gun safety even though you don't want them exposed to guns. You NEVER know when a child can find a gun. I read story after story in the newspaper about how a child finds a stashed gun and ends up shooting themselves or someone else because they don't know what to do once they find a gun and start playing with it.

The sugar thing is always a good idea, however I wouldn't advise going completely against sugar. A little once in a while, like a birthday party is good. :)

Otherwise, you'll probably make a great mother. I'm considered eccentic, too and everyone says I'm a great mommy!

Answer 3

Kids need eccentric, independent moms.

Most importantly, they need human milk on demand for at least two years, and they need mommy's arms just about 24/7 until after 3 - 5 years, or they are damaged socially, emotionally, intellectually, and physically (day care kids have many times the rates of illness and hospitalization, and despite the rationalization, this doesn't improve immunity - tho breastfeeding does.)

I did the no weapons thing, but if you have sons, you will quickly learn how everything on the planet can be used as a weapon - chiefly sticks.

I did no violent tv, no commercials, no movies, and still my kids got the idea of sticks as guns.

The most important thing is that you teach them how to use their power appropriately. Respect them, don't hit them, teach them how to use words. And they won't be violent.

There's research to suggest that the violent toys and the very cool and violent Grimm's Fairy Tales help children feel powerful - and they feel very vulnerable otherwise. They can pretend to be the bad guy, to feel the power of the scary bad guy.

If you're actually there to mother, your eccentricity will be a delight to your kids and will get you into lots of interesting conversations at the playground.

If you do the sugar thing, not as restrictive but as an enlightened practice you all follow, they won't go insane when they're away from you and sneak insane amounts of sugar or develop anorexia to feel some sense of control.

I agree with you on the 'glamour' dolls, but only if you aren't into your appearance too much. Otherwise, if you have a girl and you're always polishing, blowing dry, wondering if this makes you look fat, etc, your daughter will get society's sick obsession with the body.

Just when you think you'll have figured them out, you'll need to learn all over again. Enjoy.

Answer 4

yup you will screw your kid up. 8:30 bedtime for a teen, good luck. if you are over bearing you'll be a horrible mother. No sugar, don't let them have the so called sugar free juice either, sweetners other than sugar are just as dangerous. If you give them juice opt for the sugar. YOu limit sugar not eliminate intirely or you kid will be like every kid that I know that ever was completely denied something, they went insane when away from the parents.

it is nice to see he is joining the military against the moms' objections...he finally is standing on his own. Sounds like his mom ran his life. Not a good mother by the way because they don't know how to let go of an adult child.

I don't think of not allow the toys you mention as eccentric that is a choice. 8:30 bed time for a teen is just plain weird. I would have climbed out my window.

Answer 5

First off I was a no toy weapon mom myself but boys actually have something in their genetic make up, where they will turn things into toy weapons even if they have never seen them before!!! After I realized there was no stopping the warrior in my little man, I embraced his love of swords, light sabers and nerf guns, but we have used that very much to have lots of discussions about gun safety and violence. He is so very loving and gentile but he still loves his weapons.

Also, while I agree that little girls are growing up to fast, and that some dolls like certain Barbies and Brats dolls are inappropriate girls have natural mothering instincts even very young so they will want dolls to act out mothering play...Also girls are girls, they want to be beautiful like their mother and will want to play dress up...Those are the moments that you can have discussions with your children about what is age appropriate, and what is never appropriate...

Another thing I restrict sugar too in my household, but being sugar free or low sugar is not the most important thing...Proper nutrition is, I reccomend the book Nourishing Traditions (I can't remember the authors name???) The first third is all about nutrition and how and why our body uses food and what things are bad and why... The rest is very healthy and tasty recipies!!! My family loves them and has no idea they are from a healthy cookbook!!!

I think you will be a good mom, you are already showing concern for things many others do not even think about...My advice is do your homework...Sense you are pregnant I will recommend a few other books:

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer
Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Simkin, Whalley and Keppler

Good luck I hope your journey to motherhood is all you hoped it would be!

Answer 6

well, i personally think that the 8:30 bedtime until 16 is a little ridiculous, but i dont think it will stop u from being a good mother. just dont protect ur child too much, because then the child will want to rebel more,or be to protected and wont be ready for the real world. ur decisions when the child is young will affect the rest of ur childs life.

Answer 7

I signed myself up for each thing final night. i'm going to be doing each and every occasion this 3 hundred and sixty 5 days. fortuitously I in undemanding terms have 2 of the three toddlers in undertaking-loose now. The 5th grader would not have events. that is gonna be relaxing. i'm excited!

Answer 8

sounds like you have your mind made up that your right and you want reassurance of this i mean if i were to say your friends are right your gonna raise a serial killer would you change your mind and parent differently or jus scroll down till you got to the ans. you want... all kids and situations are different its nice to have an idea how you want to parent, good luck i'm sure you'll be fine and raise an upstanding law abiding contribution to society:)

Answer 9

I think that you will find that a parenting plan and reality may not be the same. If you are too rigid in how you want your child raised you will make the job even harder than it is, believe me.