My boyfriend and I are kind of on a break now because he said he's having a really hard time coping with all of this Iraq stuff ( a few of his close friends were recently killed). He told me he just needed time to think and that he'd call me when he was ready to talk. I promised id be here for him and I still send him emails and care packages to let him know im thinking about him. I'm having such a hard time understanding why he wants time away from me, though. I just want to be there for him and I feel like he's pushing me away. Should I keep waiting for him or do you think its something beyond him just having a hard time coping? I love him to death and just want him to be happy. Any advice would be great thanks!
2007-06-14 12:10:19 · 5 answers · asked by stacyc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's a tough one. My husband has been deployed for 8 months. After his R&R things have been more stressful for him, but he usually turns to me to make things better. So I'm not sure as to what you should do except follow your heart.
They do have alot to go through, and some deal with the stress better than others. Continue to be there for him, I know it's hard to be without him and know he's going through so much pain. But the dployment will end and he will be able to get back to a normal life again. So hang in there.
2007-06-17 14:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by beanie_babymama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Staceym
Of course you should be there for him no matter what. This is not a t ypical "leave me alone" thing going on. I personally think youve answered your own question. Beibg deployed in Iraq is hard to accept, but to witness deaths of close friends in combat is even harder. Everything is taking a toll on him and I really think what he is doing isnt hurting you, its helping his mindset. I would rather have my boyfriend focus on his job and safety in Iraq than worry about me so that he can concentrate on staying alive. Being there is hard enough, anything additional will only add the stress and cause him to lose focus.
Dont take it personally. My boyfriend was once in Iraq ands its way different than what people talk about or say on TV. Give him so time to clear his head. I think his safety is more important, dont you?
Your doing the right thing by not changin anything you did in the past. If he senses that you are changing, it all could crash. You are apart of his support so dont change that at all.
Hang in there and Im sure he'll come through after awhile..
Dont nag him about it just carry on as if nothing ever happened..
Hope this helps:)
2007-06-14 19:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband was in Iraq there were lots of things he didn't tell me because he didn't want to burden me. He didn't want me to worry. Distancing himself is normal, especially since his buddies died. He's hurting bad, and he may come back with PTSD. Being involved with somebody in the military is a huge commitment. If you care for him and love him as you say... simply let him know you are there for him. Don't try to act like you understand, but just let him know you'll always be there whenever he's ready to talk if ever. Don't expect anything... it'll only set you up for disappointment. Just be patient. Don't overwhelm him with letters in packages if he wants time apart to think. Ask him how often he'd like to hear from you if at all. He may or may not come around. This is the ugliness of war. Sometimes our men make it through unharmed and unchanged, and sometimes they're changed forever physically or mentally.
2007-06-14 19:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look ill be honest, i came back to an empty promise from a girlfriend after my two year deployment. if you truly love him support him. when your overthere you feel guilty and scared for having a girlfriend stateside. its not easy to deal with. you think about her ? if she is faithfully waiting for you wonder if you'll make it back to her and if not how it'll affect her. Guilt from forcing her to pause her life just like yours was. bottom line its a lot of thoughts going through his mind that he doesnt need. his mind needs to be on being safe outthere. if it makes him more comfortable to take a so called break agree in his heart you will still be his girlfriend but for your relationship sake continue to support him. dont be with anyone else if you plan on being with him when he gets back. basically be there for him without adding more pressure to him. understand its not that he doesnt want to be with you. he just probably feels guilty of scarred of hurting you. the worst thing you can do is tell him your gonna be there when he gets back. and then when he gets back he jumps off the plane to see you in a long time your not their its the worst feeling in the world. if you truly love him support and understand him and his position. i know its hard for you but think, it's harder for him. God Bless both of you! good luck.
2007-06-14 19:40:37 · answer #4 · answered by chevereeddie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is going over... he faces death... you're facing life... Please give him all the support and love you can, and stay away from triva... he needs to focus on his job and staying alive. p.s. I lost a son-in-law over there.
2007-06-14 19:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋