Before my boyfriend and I were dating, he had sex with his ex. I am still a virgin and it is hard for me. He isn't pressuring me but there is always that thought of him an his ex in the back of my mind. It is not like I don't want to have sex with him...I do, but, the thing is I feel pushed by his past experience to do it earlier than I would like. Even though in the back of my mind I want him.
Any advice?
2007-06-14 10:51:06 · 14 answers · asked by chezley10 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One of the problems with having sex so young is that your emotions haven't caught up with your body and it is really hard to put these emotions and feelings into perspective, trust me...I know...I had sex for the first time when I was 15.
So, my advice to you is this...Think about the fact that he had sex with his ex, she is now his EX...
I am not saying she is his ex because they had sex but I am saying that having sex with him didn't keep him around nor did having sex with her keep her around, right?
So, it's clearly not going to save your relationship to have sex and what's more....the best reason to have sex with someone is because you feel close to them and you know them and you trust them.
When I was young, I had been dating my boyfriend for about a year before we had sex and my boyfriend respected me a whole lot more than he respected other girls he had sex with sooner.
You must protect your heart and your spirit and your body whenever you are in a relationship with someone and the way to do that is to be true to yourself...your own instincts. Don't let what someone ELSE did determine your actions.
Finally, if you do decide to have sex...it is always a good idea to talk about it first. I know this is uncomfortable but you should let him know that you need to make sure that you are protected against pregnancy and disease. Talk to your parents or visit an agency like planned parenthood that will provide you with birth control and condoms as well as screenings for disease on a low or no cost basis...the services are confidential...
You seem to have your head on straight and your instincts are good...It seems that you know it's not right to betray what you fee inside so, I leave you with this--I know it sounds corny but be true to yourself and you will never ever regret it, I promise.
Best wishes!
2007-06-14 11:28:31 · answer #1 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pressure is not a reason to have sex. You'll regret it, lose your self respect, and probably end up ending your relationship if you get too hung up over it.
You're a virgin. Big deal. The fact that he had sex with an ex is something you need to get over and quick. Nearly everyone has sex before marriage. Don't dwell on it. It doesn't mean he's thikning of them.
2007-06-14 10:55:20 · answer #2 · answered by Yogi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you know the answer - there is NO reason that is good enough for you to have sex, or do anything else until you are ready & it seems like the right move to make in a relationship. there is no timeline as far as i am concerned.
ask yourself why you are putting this pressure on yourself? seems like you are afraid to lose him if you don't have sex with him.... ? just a guess.
2007-06-14 10:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chezley10, Baby do not give in . Guys come ang go, sex was meant for a husband and a wife. That is the best gift you could give a guy on your wedding night !
2007-06-14 11:00:46 · answer #4 · answered by lonewolf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a guy i would say go at your pace. dont give up the Vcard just because he is ready and your not. plus he isnt pressuring you so no worries. just take your time. when your ready and you feel the want to do it then you can just do as you want. but dont just give it up to get the thought of his ex doing him. you have him now and he isnt going to his ex now so no worries. just enjoy the relationship and where it takes you. no harm in holding out
2007-06-14 10:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by jlasley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're pushing yourself, as you said he isn't. Learn to accept that not everyone has made the same choice you have and it's okay that he's not a virgin, just as it's okay that you are.
Do it when you are ready and not before...don't let anyone's sexual past cause you to jump the gun.
2007-06-14 10:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not give in girl, stay stong! being a virgin is VERY important and that girl can NEVER AGAIN be a virgin, like you, cuz she gave into the peer pressure.
2007-06-14 10:55:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. Just wait. I could go into the Biblical stuff about sex outside of marriage, but right now, just know this: If you have sex with him now, it will only bring you trouble. Please don't do it.
2007-06-14 10:54:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think of it as he's over her.
I know it's hard, do not feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do.
2007-06-14 10:54:10 · answer #9 · answered by M. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have sex w/ another virgin. that way if u do something wrong(lol) then he won't think that ur a freakin wierdo. lol, jk, he probably won't really think that way. but really, do it w/ another virgin, and i think it'll mean soooo much more.
2007-06-14 10:55:51 · answer #10 · answered by ap 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋