I need Help With My 4- 1/2 year old. She is not potty trained but we have tried everything. Any suggestions???

Question

I am a mother of a 4 1/2 year old and she know how to use the potty . She just doesnt want to . She will be playing or in some kind of activity and she will go in her pants. I ask why did you do that the bathroom is right there?? She responds"" I forgot"""
She have tryed stars, trips, candy , bribes of all sorts.
Can anyone HElp me???
Please???
KIndest Reagrds,
GWendolyn

Answer 1

If she really knows how to use the potty, she is doing this as a power play. Does she only have "accidents" around you, and does she use the bathroom appropriately when she's with other people? If she's doing it just at home, she likes having control over you in this area. From now on when she goes in her pants, don't show her that you're upset. Just ignore it. Let her sit in her wet pants. Don't get her dry clothes. If she wants to change, she will have to do it herself. She will probably sit in her wet pants for a long time at first, but after she realizes that you aren't giving in, she will change her pants. She will probably have even more "accidents" in the next few days, but she is just trying to find your breaking point. Don't give in. Eventually she will start using the potty.

Does she have a lot of interaction with children her own age? Does she even have "accidents" in front of them? Enroll her in a preschool class (where children must be potty trained to attend). Maybe being around her potty-trained peers will encourage her to use the toilet.

If however she always goes in her pants, even when she's out and around other people, maybe she does have a legitimate medical problem. Take her to her pediatrician for an examination. Good luck.

Answer 2

I would let her know that if she doesn't shape up and use the potty, then she will be put back into diapers until she can use the potty like a big girl. I gave this advise to another person who asked about potty training . I know its a bit of a pain and a bit more laundry but this really works and if she is potty trained she wont do want to wear them for very long. I would put her cloth diapers and plastic pants. The child feels the wetness more with cloth diapers than regular disposable diapers and I wouldn't use pullups because I think your wasting money on them. I just finished potty training my 4 yr old which he was wearing disposable diapers, I changed him to the ol cloth diapers with diaper pins and plastic pants. He did not like the feeling of the wet diapers and with in a little over two weeks he has been dry and using the potty. Once she is in them for the first couple days I would just let her go and then start asking her if she needs to go potty. She will get the picture and in a week she will be using the potty.

Answer 3

First, put the potty chair in the living room in front of the TV and let her sit on it while watching. Or let her sit on it while you play a game or do a craft with her. You need to be with her and CATCH her doing her business. Then have a celebration like there is no tomorrow. Parade down the hall. Whoop and holler. Hug and kiss. Swing her in the air and beam with pride. Really overdo it. You'll need to do this a bunch of times. If she has an accident, pay as little attention to it as possible. Don't comment on it. Simply clean it up quietly and avoid eye contact. Do not do this in a punishing way though. Just give her VERY LITTLE attention.

If all of this does not work, please contact your doctor. There are some conditions that make it difficult for a child to control their urine or feces.

Answer 4

Try taking her pants off and leaving her in summer dresses in the house.

My 4 year old (she's autistic) will only use the bathroom if she doesn't have to take any clothes off. Otherwise she uses diapers.

A lot of times the pc muscle that helps control urination is immature and does not send signals until it is "too late". She may be embarrassed by this and feels she can't learn, that she doesn't have something she should. And she may also be autistic: it's not a bad idea to see if any of the Head Starts in your area (you don't need to be qualified to ask) know of preschool age behavior screenings. (They'd be free.)

In Washington the agency is called ChildFind.

Answer 5

hang in there! my 3 1/2 yld (boy) same issue to busy playing. i tried punishment and diapers, time outs, take away what he was playing with for a week, didn't work. when we took him to school a few weeks agao to checkout kindergarten ( orintation meeting 1 hr) he has not had a full accident since, couple of drips in the under pants, but not enough to be upset with. also changed his underwear he should be in size 6 we bought him an 8 easier to get up and down. hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 6

i think this a problem of a different kind called discipline she can do it she is testing you and probably she is has got nothing to worry about coming from you so she has to understand that each act she does leads to consequences good or bad.if she goes through punishment not physical of course but depriving her of something or putting her to a naughty corner or anything after a while she wouldn't like it to happen again and will start listening to you but she is a winner and she knows it as instead of being disciplined she bribed with sweets and other stuff so it is all benefit for her to be naughty really . be careful people tend to think that discipline should wait children are too young they do not understand . wrong they get much more than you can imagine and from a really early age so it is to you to make them understand every single time that something happens what is the consequence for doing this .and little by little she will know when my son is naughty he goes to his room and stay there until he stops crying if it is the case or until he comes down if he is nervous , or whatever being on his own in the room while we are in the living room for 5 minutes helps him to reflect and understand that he is not praised by the family for doing that particular thing usually after this reflection he doesn't do it again . and before he can go out he ask if he can go out now so i will ask are you a nice boy now ? and he will go yes, and that's it really and when he comes back we do show him that being good leads to good consequences like kisses attention and lots of praise. so he is happy being good. indeed to your daughter she has learn the opposite she is not doing right she gets something nice so liking nice things and always doing it nice she doesn't feel like doing it right at all logical. talk to her sometimes talking to children like to adults telling them your concern can help . i am telling they can understand much more tan you think maybe not in matter of words , they may not get every single words you say but they get very well the feelings explain her how sad you feel about the fact they fail her potty training and why it is important for her to be clean.

Answer 7

You normally find it harder for little boys to go to the potty. Little girls are geared to sugar and spice and everything nice. There are cases such as yours that requires strategy. There are now on the market potty chairs that have music boxes or shaped like animals so they would want to jump on it. Tell her she is a big girl and you need her to help you to the potty. She'll get a chuckle out of helping you. As she sees you need help she will prove to be a big girl to help herself. It will get better mom hang in there.

Answer 8

you may have to put your foot down and tell her that big girls do not wet their pants and if she is going to school the kids will laugh at her. that may scare her. Some schools do not accept children who are not potty trained. A little punishement might get her to rethink her attitiude.

Answer 9

I bought my son a small fish tank and a fish. We placed it on the toilet tank. He was only allowed to see his fish when he was going potty. He took the initiative and has been going ever since.
Good luck!

Answer 10

Sounds like you have tried everything. I like what Music L. said about going back into diapers. She might have a weak bladder and trouble holding it. Ask her about it, I'm sure you have. You sound like your doing a good job. Hang in there!!