Over attention seeking mother?

Question

Hello,
My mom is near 65 years old and lives in New Jersey. I live in Pa. I am older and married. My mom is one of the people who requires constant attention she is not sick and lives with my sisters. She still insists that I call her every other day. I refuse to do this and call probably twice a week to see how everyone is. If I do not call as frequently as she wishes she leaves horrible disparaging messages on my machine. Very angry and such. I have tried explaining life does not grant me the time to talk to her as much as she likes to no avail. Am I being a bad son or are we talking mental problems? I have not lived at home for 7 years and this is constant. Does anyone have any opinions on how to remedy this situation? Please help. Joe.

Answer 1

Joe, in her time she was taught that bad attention is better than none at all and guilt was the way you maniplated your kids...my mom did the same..love her where she is at...write her a letter it tends to sink in more explain with brutal honestly that even when you dont call her you always love her and nothing can change that but you will no longer except any guilt ridden or rude disparaging messages from her and she is going to have to except the fact that you are not a child any longer and she completed her job in the raising of her child...which she did well..but that she is disrespecting your right as an adult now and that she cannot govern your actions and that if she does not except this it will not make any difference you are going to call her on your terms and this should not make her feel any less loved by you. My mom tried a few times after but I stood firm..and she finally backed off...I did call her and I told her whenever she used the guilt...I would not except it and pointed out the elephant in the living room...she got the idea....she died a year later and I do not feel bad because we gained a very good relationship without all the binding guilt..be honest with her..this is your life..she was given the chance to have you but meant to give you to life..not keep yours for herself...hope it helps

Answer 2

She probably is feeling that her days are limited on this earth. You are not a being a bad person at all but you should try and fit time in your day just to say hello and then quickly sum up your conversation if you do not have time. She will probably just be happy to hear from you, no matter how long the conversation is. (Sorry, I am only 16 but advice is advice)

Answer 3

sounds like mom is a master manipulator. IF I were you, I would change my phone number and block your number when you call her. She will get over it, in fact will likely realize that you are not one who she can manipulate and respect you more for it. I doubt she demands such behavior from her social friends, why she thinks it is ok to do so from you is ridiculous.