child care stress vs work stress?

Question

I was wondering, if its just me or what, I work at night but just a few hours, reason, no money for child care even if I got a day job, but I'm starting to get tired of the night job, depressed and etc. I take care of my child of 2 and one of 7 then of 10, and I sometimes wonder of the stress, which is worse, work stress or childcare stress? I love my kids to death but sometimes the screaming and bickering can take a toll, I'm sure others can couch for this. Its a little harder too when your toddler is behind in speech and all they do is scream or cry when they cant express themselves like we do. Sometimes the walls seem to close in, I try to get out with the kids but lately its been too hot, no money to go to the mall. Sometimes I just want to get a day job, but so far cant find one that has available early morning hours. their mother has them untill 12 and thats when i take over, and untill 930 pm. I think I've grown some more gray hair and lost some.

Well scooper1068, do I sense a bit of narscistic and hubris personality on your part? you sound like an ogor I once ran into on child development forum, who flamed for asking a simple question about my childs speech, Christ, what is wrong with your kind.Anyways, I should have stressed that I wasnt askin for sympathy nor violin music, I was just asking if anyone else felt this way, I wasnt complaining nor feeling sorry for myself. And fyi scooper, I'm on my way to work for ICE, if you're familiar with that. The mother works for a school, she cannot negotiate for a better time frame, and for Bree-ana, we do take the time to teach my child, he is developmentally behind and we have a Speech Therapist seeing him, we also make sure he's strapped into a car seat properlly above other things, like I siad, I am playing the role of MrMom, and I understand my girlfreind as the bread winner. I was expecting some goody goody to remark that I'm complaining and some self rightous remarks. thanks all

You see, another one , Christ ! I'm not whinning so anyone who says that here, get off yer high horse, any of you who concludes with that, do you know how to read? I've thought and considered all of what yall is saying, all I asked is if anyone here at times felt the same and what is worse .....duh!

BTW pooper scooper1068, are you that troll arrlyn? man you type very familiar to that one. whatever

Answer 1

Sounds like you and their mother need to work together on a better solution here. Something has got to give. Night jobs are hard when you have kids and they want your attention when you need to catch up on sleep.

There must be a better work solution here. You don't say what the mother does for a living. Could she perhaps work more hours during the day, or less and be home with the kids while you work a day job? It doesn't sound like a very 'normal' home environment when both parents are never in the house at the same time.

I would try to establish a better work/life balance here. Kids can be tiring, and if you are unhappy with your work situation, it will only seem worse. Sit down with your wife (?) and talk it through to see if there could be a better solution. Sometimes childcare can cancel out a lot of the wage coming in and it's a waste of time. If you just about break even, but it relieves the stress of having a screaming 2 year old all day, then go for it.

Another thing to consider - if your toddler is behind with speech, this is something to focus on. I assume you are getting it checked out, but that child will need a lot of input from you both. He/she will thrive far better with you as parents than in a nursery where there wont be the same one to one attention. In a childcare environment, there are plenty of other children needing attention. At home, there isn't that sort of competition.

Answer 2

Where is the mom from 12:30 to 9:30? Sounds like work hours to me so my guess is she is working hard for her family and then coming home and caring for the kids also. Isn't the 10 and 7 year old in school when school is in session? Maybe you are feeling a bit overwhelmed right now due to school being out. Check you local library. The might have some neat activities. This can also help your 2 year.

Speaking of the 2 year old. Are you sitting down and helping with the speech? There are several activities you can do to help. Google speech delays. I also hope you are working with your ped.

You also say you work a few hours at night. You mean you don't work a set shift? LIke 11p to 7a? Working consistanly would provide more money. Maybe you can even reverse role where you work more hours and the mom can be home more. Takes the stress of you.

We've all been there. Parenting is stressful but it's a committment you take on when you have kids. They need to come first. I agree screaming and bickering is hard to handle. I have a child with reactive attacment disorder, one with adhd/odd (oppisitional defiance disorder) and another with autism. I also have a newborn with some health issues. Whew want to talk stress. But I cope and manage because I committed myself to be the best parent I could no matter what.

The evil part of me wants to tell you to grow up. I think you felt that you'd get more sympathy as a man with this stress issue.

Answer 3

WELCOME TO PARENTHOOD!

Sounds like maybe you need to get more than a * few hours at night* job, and stop complaining. If your wife is working from 12-930ish, boohoo. Sounds like she is the bread winner in the family, and ALL PARENTS must make sacrifices. Yours is apparently the sacrifice of working part time,and watching the kids so the wife can work.

Trust me from a mom's point of view... no mother enjoys being away from their kids for 10 hours a day. Think about all the things you will get to see and experience that she will miss out on.

Stop whining, or step up and get a full time job that pays enough for either day care, or for her to be able to cut back on HER hours.

*******I cant respond to your answer, so I will do so in an edit.*******

This "The mother works for a school, she cannot negotiate for a better time frame, and for Bree-ana, we do take the time to teach my child, he is developmentally behind and we have a Speech Therapist seeing him, we also make sure he's strapped into a car seat properlly above other things"

I never , not once, said a THING about what you do or dont
do as far as your childs speech delay goes. Nice try though.

You made me laugh with calling me * narcissistic*. ( however you spell that word) Thats a new one.

Seems I struck a nerve. * shrugs * You wanted opinions, I gave mine.

Answer 4

My daughter didn't start daycare until she was 7 months old, so that put different factors into my decision. And honestly, I went more on gut feeling and "mommy intuition" I choose a daycare center because there were more children my daughter's age. The home centers I looked at didn't really have many kids her age, and I wanted her to socialize with children her age. I had checked out every daycare, both home and centers, within 15 miles of our home. I didn't have a good feeling about many, but when I walked into our current center, it just "felt right". She was going to be in a room w/ no more than 7 other children her age, and 3-4 staff members. They had different outdoor playgrounds for different ages. The sleeping area was separted from the playing area. There were a lot of toys and activities around, and the staff made me very comfortable. Hannah just loves going there now at almost 14 months. They do crafts daily, and she now loves to fingerpaint and draw me pictures. She just LOVES two of her teachers, there are times when I pick her up that she CRIES because she has to leave! I also choose this center because there were many different rooms for the ages. There is an infant room until the babies can self feed, sleep on a cot instead of crib and walk pretty well. After that, they go to the "Wobblers" room, and when they are 2, they go to the Toddlers room. This made me comfortable w/ the fact that she would always be w/ kids near her age and ability level. All in all, you need to go with what you are most comfortable with. Pop into the center a few times before you make your decision and see what they are doing. And follow your heart and instinct, it does make a big difference!! Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I can very much relate to to this! I was working full time up until recently and my mother provided daycare for us. I was laid off so I decided to stay home and take it daycare. My work stress did not compare to the stress I now feel. I am always cleaning up something, comforting someone, feeding someone, thinking of ways to entertain everyone...

I personally find it a little more stressful to be home, and in all honesty I am only caring for my daughter and one other little girl but both are under three.

The walls closing in on me feeling is one I am familiar with! :)

Answer 6

I think the night job is stressing you out, if youre not happy with what you do then you wont be happy coming home to your kids. I think the kids mother should help you out more. But reality is you need to work to get money. So i suggest looking for another job. and As for your little toddler who is behind, its probably because neither of you(mom or dad) has taken the time to teach him how to speak properly. I say you talk to the mom and let her know how overwhelmed you are.

Answer 7

I don't think one is worse than the other in a general sense. it depends on the situation.
Parents have many responsibilities, working is one of them.

As a mother, I can tell you it's not *fun* being away from the children. It's certainly not a *break* either.

Try adding work stress on top of child care stress, that's what is worse. I think their mom has more stress. She misses out on so much of what those children will be doing/saying b/c she won't be there. You are lucky, so stop whining.

Answer 8

7 evelen or wawa. You are stressed out completely, sounds like the mother isn't doing a lot.