Why do (some) girls ask questions that they know already that the truthful answer is going to hurt?

Question

I know that other people have asked something similar to this before, but I wanted some new responses. Why do girls deliberately put a guy into a catch-22 situation that she KNOWS is going to cause a fight either way? For example, asking "Do I look fat in this?" (or "Is that other girl prettier than me?") is a stupid question, because you know that it would have never occurred to you to have asked -- unless you have seen yourself in the mirror and already know what the truthful answer is. If he lies to you, you know that he is lying, and you argue with him over his lie; if he tells the truth, that is another argument. Why encourage a guy to lie to you to save your feelings anyway? Isn't that teaching him bad habits? Why ask these kid of questions?

Answer 1

yes, I know exactly what you mean. Look at this situation that I experienced just a few days ago, here's the question one person asked and when I put in my response she emailed me:(go down to my response)
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlJgNooSQVHVGGrAaX1XuAvsy6IX?qid=20070612071606AA1As7b

and then I answered her other question:(go down to my response)
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApI0lhwPE1dqBZpK.PgpbF3ty6IX?qid=20070608083316AAhE3Kl

and she sends me ANOTHER email saying the following:

"Listen

Message: You have no idea what you're talking about. Yes my husband and I have insurance and everything. Are you an idiot? Did you assume everyone is as poor as you? It's not poor money management skills if that's a small portion of your money.

And I highly doubt your husband gives you trips to the spa and vacations to luxury resorts, either because you can't afford it or because you're simply not worth it.

Oh? So you eat out every day at Applebee's and places like that? It cost 80 some bucks for our meals. You do that every day?

The fact is you probably sit at home all day wishing your life was as good as mine. You probably have nothing better to do. I mean, it's obvious your husband doesn't love you, because of what you said on the other question. You said, "I can't believe you started an argument because he puts you first and loves you the most". Which obviously shows that's what you're lacking.

I feel so bad for you. To not be loved by your husband, to be a horrible mother, and to be poor, wow, your life must suck.

Also, you're ugly. which doesn't help things huh?

Have a good day. (And please, do send me a message deflecting from yourself, I find it really entertaining when words hurt somebody so much and then they pretend they dont).

Of course you probably knew all this stuff already anyways. "


This woman is freakin' psycho and SHE's the one that asked us for answers, go figure!

Answer 2

Insecurities and lack of confidence when the question are as you have stated. Its not done to cause an agrument but as you say it probably will if you do not give the right response. Get in there first tell her she looks great and the other girl is nothing next to her. Its not bad habits its just being considerate. I bet you lie loads rather than tell the blunt honest truth in many situations during the day. Its what we all do we fib a little so we dont hurt peoples feelings.

Answer 3

First of all, if she is asking these questions her self esteem is low and she is counting on you to bring it up. And she may look at a girl and think "she's prettier than me" but is hoping that the love is blind thing is going on and you think your girl is prettier than the other one. These girls don't want you to lie. They want to think that your honest opinion is that no one is prettier than her.
How to avoid these questions, if you love this girl: When you go somewhere and there is a pretty girl, put your arm around your gf, kiss her, tell her she looks great, compliment something specific. It will probably keep questions at bay. If she asks, tell her you really didn't notice another girl. Its a white lie but its little, and in the mean time her confidence will grow and the questions will minimize.

Answer 4

Because it's a test. If you are a friend or a boyfriend and they ask does this make me look fat and you say yes then you aren't much of a friend. Because a true friend or boyfriend would love that person no matter what they looked like....That is a way some people test others and some would rather be lied too. Plus who would tell a friend a hurtful thing.

Answer 5

We're a confusing bunch. If we're asking, it means that we're feeling self-consious. We want to hear "no, of course not" but at the same time we'll get mad if you're obviously lying. If I asked my boyfriend "do I look fat in this" I would want him to say "you're not fat and you always look beautiful, but that shirt/skirt/jeans whatever isn't doing you justice" or something along the lines of that. Never say that another girl is prettier or hint that your girlfriend could stand to lose a few pounds. That's just suicide. We are feeling fat/ugly and need to be reminded that you don't think that about us. You should be honest, but to a point.

Answer 6

They;re just alerting you to their inner insecurities and basically asking you to resolve their inner conflicts for them.

Of course, that can't be done- but they are trying nonetheless.

For example, if you were able to provide some resolving philosophical answer to the question am I fat in this, they no longer would suffer from their own conscience telling them they are fat anymore.

Suppose you said some magical answer like "You can tell yourself you are unattractive because you look heavier in this outfit, or you could wear a different outfit that made you look thinner and tell yourself you are now attractive, but that is all based on your assuming that I measure your worth and beauty on your thinness alone, and how close your weight is to hollywood celebrities, but my dear, I dont assess your worth in that way"
and then that would give them somehting to understand and come to terms with, and maybe then the conflict would be at least partially resolved.
......
Shes assuming you think like her. Answers like yes or no follow the sasumption that youDO think like her, so explain that you DONT and you can potentially avoid the fight.

Answer 7

People sometimes ask these kinds of questions to help cope with something they are worrying about. When they ask the "am I fat in this" question, they may be hoping that someone reassures them that they are not fat and that they look good. Of course it doesn't make a lot of sense, but they are nervous or anxious and not really thinking all that logically.

Answer 8

Usually I just want the truthful answer in the eyes of my guy. Like I have this skirt that I love but when I wear it he tells me it doesn't look good. So, to him, I don't look good and now I know. Also, maybe she just wants to know if you're attracted to other types of girls in general. I asked a guy once if he always dated girls with a little meat on them or if he was dating me because he liked ME even though I wasn't his type. He told me that normally he dated really skinny girls but that he loved me even though I wasn't his type...and that's a good thing. Maybe the girl you're thinking of just wants your true opinion and she's not going to get mad if you tell her the truth.

Answer 9

They are feeling vulnerable or self-consious, and want some reassurance from you, but feel as though you will be lying to them if they ask...

I have not asked my bf those kinds of questions because I am secure about myself around him. He takes the time to let me know how much he loves me and how he feels about my looks, personality, etc. Try building that self-confidence in her so she will not feel as though she has to pick a fight to find out what you think about her...

Answer 10

it means u dont care abt any girls.. anyway its just tahtfor any girl she likes to hear from time to time taht she looks good and she is smart etc.. why not lie to make ur sweet one happy..
everyone has a beauty in them.. learn to appreciate..
now u tell me doesnt the guys expect the same from girls.. u guys too assk stupid questions sometimes.. saying may be u deserve someone better.. meaning want us to say u r the best..etc
think what all questions u have assked ur gf/
everyone needs reaaurance taht too from loved one right..
u , me everyone
it works both ways dear..