Bridesmaid drama?

Question

OK - Here is my issue: My maid of honor is my future sister in law. Her husband is a groomsman, her daughter is a junior bridesmaid, and her little boy will be the ringbearer. We are very close to her and her family, and I consider a great friend. I have picked out the bridesmaid dress and I absolutely love it. I showed it to her over a month and a half ago, and she has been trying ever since to find a different one. I have talked to her about helping her pay for it because her whole family is in the wedding - I totally understand that they will have to spend a decent amount of money being in the wedding. BUT - I just recieved an email from her where she told me that she wanted to pick out another one because SHE is not comfortable in it and if SHE has to wear it all night she will not be able to breathe. (I told her to get a bigger size and get it altered) and SHE wants to feel good all night if she's going to have to be wearing it. I am dumbfounded! My wedding is in 3 months - help!

Answer 1

if she is the moh.. it is ok for her to be in a different gown. it is very inconvenient for you (even her b/c now she's going to have to rush). but why dont you just check out some other gowns with her in the same color as your other gals.. perhaps she'll realize she's better off with the one she's already got. OR maybe you'll be able to settle on a new dress.

Answer 2

Have you tried talking with her about what she dislikes about the dress? Clearly she has strong feelings about it or she wouldn't be balking so. I'm not saying she's going about this the right way or that you should just lie down and be a doormat about every wedding issue that arises. What I'm saying is she seems to really feel uncomfortable about this dress.

I do strongly feel that an uncomfortable bridesmaid is an unattractive bridesmaid, and that makes for an uncomfortable wedding. Would it be possible for you and her to sit down together and find something you can both agree on? Even if there are other bridesmaids, as MoH, she could wear something very slightly different from the other bridesmaids without it looking odd.

Yes, it's your wedding and you are within your rights to tell her to suck it up and deal. On the other hand, is that really how you want your relationship with your sister-in-law to work? A bit of diplomacy may defuse the situation to everyone's satisfaction. Give it a try before you blow your top.

Answer 3

how do the other bridesmaids feel? maybes she's really uncomfortable in it.....see how the other bridesmaids feel.

I kind of know where you are coming from....my dress I had picked out almost didn't happen because everyone was being cheap...they wanted to look for other dresses when that one flattered everyone. The reason was the price....I just told them to figure it out because that's what i wanted them to wear and didn't want to trapeze everywhere to find a dress suitable for 4 girls.....luckily it came down in price and everyone was happy.

But honestly...if the issue is just that she doesn't feel comfortable in it maybe since she's the maid of honor she could where a different style by the same designer in the same color....she'll stand out as an honor attendant and be comfortable.

Answer 4

Listen, this is YOUR wedding therefore YOU get to pick whatever dress YOU want for them to wear. She can basically either take it or leave. Dont let anyone try to change YOUR mind on something like this especially if it's already been set. I know what you're going through case my mom went through the same thing. The only difference is that it wasn't her maid of honor that was complaining, it was one of the bridesmaid. My mom ended up telling her she has a chpoice of wearing the dress SHE picked out or not walk the wedding. The bridesmaid ended up walking the wedding and everyone lived happily ever after.

The way I see it is, it's ok to take suggestions but, people need to understand that it is YOUR wedding not theirs. And ultimately, no matter how many suggestions or how much help you get, it's comes down to YOU making the decisions. They can move on and live with it.

This is YOUR special day not theirs. Good luck.

Answer 5

I don't blame her. Would you want to wear a wedding dress that you looked bad and felt uncomfortable in? Unless the alternative dress is completely inappropriate and the wrong color why not let her wear a dress she is comfortable in?

Uncomfortable people show that in their faces in pictures and have a hard time setting a relaxed, fun mood of your reception.

Its your wedding and I suppose you can override her and put her in the uncomfortable dress if you want but it seems kinda bridezilla to me. You already said she expressed that she was uncomfortable with that dress a long time ago when you first showed it to her and was looking for others so it's not like she is suddenly changing her mind about it. Just because it is your wedding day doesn't mean you get to treat people however you want. Remember that there is life after the wedding, is this dress really worth harming your relationshpi with her?

Answer 6

I would tell her that it is your wedding and that this is the dress you have chosen. That she can always do something different with the dress, like wear a shaw. But that this is the dress you want and this the dress she will be wearing in YOUR wedding. I know it sound bad. My best friend did not want a strapless dress, it came with a wrap, by the time everyone was altered she had more than enough material for sleeves. It was not a big deal. I am with you with the get a bigger size and have it altered.

Answer 7

Okay, firstly, I must ask, why you are not having one of YOUR friends ( best friend) stand up for you as Matron(MAID) of Honor? Secondly, I think I would tell her that if she is not going to be comfortable in the style that you have chosen to tell her you will find someone Who Will be comfortable in the gown! Next, I think you could go for another style or color to have her stand out as the "HONOR" position! It is not worth your getting upset and blowing up at her. After all I think I would tell her "It's my day! AS she had her wedding already, and if she is not going to cooperate with your dreams/wishes
then So be it she' replaced!

Answer 8

Your MOH is merely disenchanted because of the fact she is obviously "no longer on it" with making plans the bachelorette occasion, or she would not are transforming into to be so indignant. each and every of the BM replaced into doing replaced into suggesting a place that replaced into offering a coupon. What your MOH could have executed replaced into e mailed her back and stated something like...wow it fairly is vast i'll take a seem at that. Or she would have stated, thank you for the archives, yet I already picked yet another spot. i think of the MOH is merely disenchanted because of the fact she is probable in the back of and crushed. i could merely tell her that your BM replaced into being effective and replaced into no longer stepping on anyones ft, she replaced into merely giving archives. permit her know which you recognize yet you're no longer keen to reason a team of drama over a sprint e mail speaking some low value. Then....ask her the place she is with making plans? good success.

Answer 9

Just see what she has picked out and go from there.

Do you REALLY want her to be squished and uncomfortable and not able to breathe?

THIS is why I'm letting my bridesmaids and MOH choose the dress and only have a few requirements (lengthwise and colorwise). I want them to be comfortable during the ceremony and reception.

Answer 10

let her know either she gets the dress you want (it is your wedding) or she watch with the rest of the onlookers. just because she is going to be your sister-n-law does not mean you should alter your plans to pacify her. remember, it is your decision and only yours. if you have to tell your fiance to handle it then do so. but don't stress yourself out because someone else is too selfish to make the day be about you and your husband to be.