My 6yr old stepson wont eat any food i make, though he enjoys these foods normally. What should I do?

Question

Whenever I cook a real dinner, he refuses to eat any of it, saying he doesnt like whatever it is I've prepared. I know he likes these things as he's had them and enjoyed them before. He expects a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or Chef Boyardee instead of what everyone else is eating.. On top of this, he frequently asks for snacks between meals, which are regualrly refused on my end.
It's nealry impossible to get him to eat anything other than junk food without him pulling the "Gagging" routine. My husband doesnt seem to think this is a big problem and I end up getting frustrated and yelling at the the boy. What should I do?

Answer 1

Perhaps hes not eating them because he doesnt like you.
I dont really know what to suggest. You could try saying eat this and; you can have that after if youre still hungry/ you can watch TV for an hour/ you can have some sweets.. sort of bribing i suppose, but you can gradually fade it out.
Show him a picture of an obese person and say do you want to end up like this

Answer 2

I have an 8 year old nephew who is the same way--at home. Every night there is this huge fight, yelling, screaming, removal from the table-a big show. The parents have even tried shoving food in and trying to force him to swallow which only makes him throw up. Now this same kid visits my four kids and me every summer along with my nieces and nephews from a different family. His parents call each night and ask what he had to eat. The general answer is, I don't know. I served such and such. I didn't look to see what he ate (although I do notice what is going into the boy). By about day two, with no yelling or cajoling, he is eating his full meal, seconds and sometimes even thirds. I don't have the time to make separate meals for an individual child with anywhere from 6-9 kids here, so he either eats or not. As long as there is healthy food on the table and no snacks he will eventually eat. Sometimes that first night or two he will state he is hungry. I simply mention, "Hmm. Guess you should have eaten your dinner" then leave it at that. Once the power struggle is gone, the problem seems to follow.

Answer 3

We have had similar issues in our household and more often than not it gets resolved with patience and communication. Try involving the child in making the decision for a healthy family meal explain why the junk food not the best choice and you believe he could make a better choice. Have him help plan or help to make part of the family meal even if it is a desert (healthy or not). Sometimes if it is their idea it changes the situation. The trade off could be that one day a week you could have a free for all night where everyone makes their own choice and helps with clean up. Making dinners fun and a family affair might change the dynamics. Here is one thing we tried my Son had a friend over and we decided it would be a spagetti night. When they came down for dinner the entire table was covered in waxed butcher paper I piled the noodles in the middle poured the sauce on, added french bread and corn on the cob to the sides did not give them any utensils or plates, nothing but a napkin (of course they washed their hands first) they portioned out what they could eat in front of them and they ate dinner with their hands it was hilarious, now we dont do that all the time but they loved it and have not stopped talking about it. I know as a person with very little patience that kids can be trying - they always test and if are not successful at getting you to react or a reaction that they dont expect then they might just give in.

My first answer to snacks is always there is more dinner/lunch out there. If they are hungry enough then they will eat it. If for some reason there are no leftovers a piece of fruit or veg. You can make a snack available but it does not have to be chips.

When I was growing up my Mom always said whats on the table is all there is - if we did not like it we did not eat. Guess what I did not starve to death :) Best of Luck

As for your husband, I know mine does not usually get involved with such matters - he leaves it up to me and usually with a little thought I get it figured out! Good for you for seeking out ideas!!

Answer 4

He's using food as a weapon and seeing you as the enemy.

You have to outsmart him. And he's 6. So...

1. Dad (not you) should advise and enforce the no snack rule. If Dad's not home when he asks for a snack, tell him, sorry, we don't snack before meals here. Then make sure he doesn't see you letting anyone else snack...

2. Prepare the meal. If he doesn't want it, give him a small dish with peanut butter, two pieces of bread, and a packet of jelly. Let him make it himself. Don't argue about it (that's the whole point) just say, "You don't like that? I'm sorry, I thought you did." Don't do Chef Boyardee b/c he can't do it himself.

He's been through a lot, he'd much prefer to live with both his parents and that's a lot for a 6 year old to deal with. He probably feels very out of control, and this is one thing he can control. Still, it's no excuse for Dad to let his son become a tyrant because he may feel guilty.

Good luck. Be yourself. Kids can tell if you care about them or not. I think it's better for a kid if a step parent doesn't try to force a relationship.

Step-parenting is hard. Kids want to feel like they are #1 in mom and dad's priorities...spouses want to feel like they are #1 to their spouse. See the problem?

My girls were awful to my husband from time to time. Now that they are grown they both say he's been there for them like a father. It's just a hard relationship to build.

Answer 5

My 7 year old son tried the same thing with me. I simply stopped buying any food I thought would make him not want to eat dinner. Get rid of the peanut butter and jelly and chef boyardee. Don't buy any junk food at the store. Only buy things for meals. He might refuse to eat at first, but he's going to start getting hungry and you can get him back on track. Hope this helps you.

Answer 6

First stop yelling save your voice. Simple inform him that this is a house not a restuarant and what you put on the table is dinner. If he doesn't want to eat and starts with the gagging etc. ask him to leave the table. If he won't leave remove him from the table. No snacking. Stick to your guns on it. I went through the same thing with my step-son. It makes you feel horrible, but it won't hurt them for missing a meal or two. We even went as far as putting a lock on the pantry so that there was no sneaking in for a snack when we weren't watching. You can't win the war of wills, kids have got us beat there, but you can win a few battles. There is a second way that I have also used. Its called eat it or wear it. If they don't want to eat dinner you calmly take kid and plate into bathroom, put kid in tub and dump plate over head and smoosh it in good, then send them to bed that way. We had to do that once and that was all it took.

Answer 7

He's a little too old for this behavior but not too old. They get like that. You have to wait it out. Keep on doing what you're doing. But your husband should support you on it. Make sure he has no access to those snacks that you refuse. He's apparently trying to rile you up. Remain very calm at the dinner table when he starts gagging. Simply say, "That's fine, you don't have to eat it, but you're not getting anything else. We all eat what the family eats or nothing." If he isn't getting food anywhere else, he'll break down & eat after a few days.

Answer 8

Don't yell. Set these rules and follow them to the letter.

He may have a snack at 3 p.m. (any later is too close to dinner time)

At dinner time he either eats what everyone else is eating (a reasonable portion) or he eats nothing. If he eats nothing, no dessert and no snacks for the night.

Thsi is PERFECTLY reasonable. Your husband needs to back you up on this. The boy is using food as a control mechanism and only consistent firmness will make it stop. When you lose your cool, he gets the reaction he wanted.

Best-
DN

Answer 9

I would stress to your husband how you feel first of all. You're in a difficult position since it's not your son but you're caring for him by making the meals.

If he doesn't want to eat his meal at the appropriate meal time then he will go without or your husband should be responsible for preparing additional food for the child.

I have a similar problem with my daughter who is also 6 years old. She either eats what I make or she doesn't eat at all.

Good luck!

Answer 10

First off, You should not yell at him. He is not your son !!
Secondly, if you know he is not eating your food then you should try making it fun for him. Decorate his food like a bunny or little simple things that can be done with the food you made. And after dinner promise him a delicious dessert. Ice cream or cake, whatever it takes.
My six year old is like that too, but I trick him to eat or I tell him to eat 10 spoon fulls he doesn't have to eat any more.
Kids are kids, of course it is important that they eat a healthy meal everyday but you have to understand that they are not going to eat something that they don't want.
Good luck