Is this realistic or rude?

Question

We talked of a destiantion wedding where my immediate (mom & dad, my children & maid of honor & her signifigant other) & my fiancee's immediate (same as mine) would take the trip & have it be an all inclusive deal that me & my fiancee would foot the bill with the exception of their own spending while away. always figured that rather then spend thousands of dollars on a big party for alot of people we barely know to eat & drink just because, we'd be much happier spending the $ on those who mean something to us & have everyone enjoy themselves. However as talks of "our" wedding progress even though we haven't picked a date (early October), acquaintences and some friends have said that it would be rude for them not to get to celebrate too as maybe they could not afford the trip or whatnot. They say we should have another party when we return or before we leave - but that's more $$$ & it's for them - not US. Are we wrong or being rude, selfish or just realistic about what WE want?

Early October 2008/2009 we figure. Not rushing.

Answer 1

You're doing it right. Less stress, much more enjoyable and frankly unless you go top of the line you'll probably save money over traditional wedding.

On the other hand, small reception doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate. Gives friends a chance to participate and of course there are the presents. The reception is for you to share with your friends, don't look at it as a us versus them.

We did a backyard small party after about a month and a half after our off shore wedding. Cost was minimal and didn't have any left over resentment.

But no one was invited to the wedding other than immediate family and party like you are thinking about. We kept mum on time and location so as not to cause problems with others showing up unannounced. We had heard of horror stories from surprise visitors. We also didn't send out invitations to reception until after the wedding.

We provided veggie and meat trays, some seafood trays and soft drinks. They could BYOB if they wanted.

It really was a blast, I highly recommend it.

Answer 2

Desitnation weddings are growing in popularity just for the reasons you noted - but...many people opt for a reception/party once the wedding has taken place in order to include more people into the celebration. The reception/party doesn't have to be a big deal - could just be a cookout/potluck at a family members home or a church. No - you are being realistic - but there are benefits to doing the after party thing - i.e. more gifts/blessings. Since you are footing the cost of the destination wedding is there a solution for either of your families or a combination of both hosting/funding the party for you. Do what you want...totally - but don't discount solutions that may be on the table for extras - but it's just that - extra! There is Desitnation Wedding Etiquette -ins't that cool!! Many Blessings to you on the approach of your future!

Answer 3

Many people opt to have a dance when they get back so their friends that were unable to attend the wedding can still celebrate. Wouldn't cost too much, just have a few veggie and fruit trays and rent a hall. That's what a family member of mine did. You should do what you want though, if you don't want extra celebrations, then don't have them. If it was me, I am not interested in having a dance or any other celebrations beyond the wedding, I feel weddings are over rated.

Also my family member said anyone was welcome to go south for their wedding, the guests all paid for their own trip though. I went, was a nice vacation and was my first time down south.

Answer 4

I think your wedding choices are you own, and the destination wedding you're planning sounds like a good one to me.

However, if you have enough friends wanting to have a fit about not being "included" it might behoove you to consider perhaps planning a party after the wedding (say 6 weeks post-return) and invite all the friends & family.

Otherwise, I guess just let them stew....not everyone is going to have the big church wedding with the huge reception and whatever. You have a right to celebrate as YOU see fit.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

It's not rude. It's your wedding. More and more people are doing it. You get to invite who you want and make your wedding as large or as small as you want. You do not owe your friends a party. It's your wedding, do it the way you want.
You are right to pay for the trip for the immediate family and have them spend their own money. That's the right way to do it.
All that being said, though, it would be a good idea to appease your friends to have an informal reception for them all when you get back, gifts optional. I wouldn't put much effort or expense into it, though. Few decorations and a cheap catering job. It sounds to me like all your friends want is to get their drunk on anyway, so as long as you have a few kegs that should shut them up.

Answer 6

I think it's rude for them to demand you hold another event for their sakes! We are having a destination wedding, and paying for the trip for 12, including us. We'd love to have the ability to pay for anyone who would like to attend, but we aren't millionaires, and that's not our reality. About 15 others are coming on their own. We are having a reception once we return home, though, so we can celebrate our new marriage with everyone. Our 'reception' will be a casual affair--a clambake...but you don't have to do this. Even if you had a small wedding at home, that doesn't mean you'd be inviting everyone anyway!

Answer 7

The wedding is for the two of you and the ones you feel closest to. It is not so that friends or even family or co-workers can get a free night out! You are being totally realistic in what you can and can't do financially! You will be happier in the long run to have a great beach location with your closest people there, than to spread the money thin and try to please these others! Remember, you will never be able to please everyone anyway !

Answer 8

No, don't do this to yourself ok, it's not good and you will stress out even more and I'm pretty sure you don't want that. Listen you do whats right okay, you don't have to have another party because they said so or they can't afford it, that's not up to you to do that..Just do one big wedding party and that's it..Why should you pay for them if its not even what you want. You should talk to them and tell them NO..this is my wedding and I'll decide. You have to be strong and brave. Your not the one being rude or selfish, they are because they are..So whatever you decide to do, make sure it's what you really want and not for the others.

Answer 9

It isn't rude to not invite every person that you know or that you've said hello to on the street. If you and your fiance want to have a small, intimate wedding with the most cherished people in your lives, than so be it. If anything, have your destination wedding with the ones you love. Then, when you arrive home, have a reception with your friends who you didn't have at the wedding with simple finger foods and share your happiness with them that way.

Answer 10

Not its not rude at all. I truly believe a wedding day should be how you want it not everyone else.
I think it is very kind of you to pay for those people who are going.
You need to be selfish when it comes to your wedding or it will end up costing you a fortune and not be the day you want! I am currently planning my wedding and have said to family members who want to help out with costs to give us money, I do not want them to actually buy a certain thing i.e. flowers as I want to be able to pick them myself without someone saying, well I'm paying for them and I like this!
Good luck and congrats xx