What do you do when you feel completely alone?

Question

I'm 33 years old and live with my mom and "baby" brother (he's 17 and about to start college here in town. My mom is disabled, and I've helped her over the years. My grandma, who we were all very close to, died suddenly a couple of years ago, and I'm still not over it. I hate my job, I have a lot of health problems, I feel older than I am. I have a lot against me at home in trying to find a way to "improve" myself, but I know I could do it if I really tried. The thing is, even if I did, it doesn't change how I've felt my whole life, which is ALONE. I've had best friends in the past, and I've had close friends, and I've had really sweet friends, but no one who understands me, who would go to the ends of the earth for me (like the hobbits in "Lord of the Rings") or who are there for me when I'm feeling down (like Bridget's friends in "Bridget Jones's Diary", etc,...).No one who wants to listen to me or be there for me or cares how badly I hurt. I can't change that, & it sucks!

First person's answer was MEAN. The others are mostly good and well intended, and a lot of them are right. But none of that stuff will make me have friends other than my family. I CAN'T find a boyfriend or any friends who really care. Even when I was thin and cute, I always felt alone and like I never fit in. I can change myself and my attitude, but the problem is, nothing ever changes around me. I do need to talk to someone, but I'm not sure where to go. I don't know where they have free services in this town.
I hate that people think I'm miserable to be around because I think I'm very loving and caring. I'm always helping other people. And I have a church, but again, I don't fit in anywhere. Thanks for your answers, though.

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I know how that feels too. Have you ever considered going to God and Jesus in prayer? I do and I feel their love. Approach God's throne and ask him to help pull you up out of this rut of depression and loneliness. He will and in time, you will find someone very special will enter your life. This will be the person that you need to make your life whole. Go ahead, and pray with your whole heart and soul. Ask God to comfort you. He will, I promise.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel, I have felt that way most of my life, however, I didn't even have a family for support as they were so dysfuctional. Everyone always "needed" me, but after they got what they needed, they were gone.

I think more people are in your shoes than you think, for many different reasons. I think movies romantize friendship alot too. Even a best friend usually doesn't want to know all your "stuff". I know that is sad, but it tends to be true.

My solution was to get involved in church. I have many friends but none too close. I share bits and pieces with each so that I am out there, but don't overload with too much. I have learned to ask nothing from anyone else but to be independent on my own.

This is probably not the correct answer, but after living this way for 15 years successfully, I am finding that I am my best friend and that I am enough. What I think and feel do matter if to noone but me. I help others and have become the person I want to be and if people want to be in my world GREAT, but if not, I like my world and will continue to share it with whoever needs a piece of it. I always give more than I take so that when I have moved on I have left a piece of me.

Answer 3

You sound like you are stuck in the belief that you are a victim and have no control in your life. We feel our most powerless and victimised when we lack control. Simply put, the only thing or person you have the ability to control in your life is YOU.

Self-control give you power and changes depression to positive thoughts. First, you need to identify how you lack self control. If you can't see that you do, look at other people and see how they lack self control. The answer you get for them will be your own answer.

Make the changes necessary to be more disciplined in the areas where you currently aren't. Depression comes from slothful thinking not the other way round. Find your self control and you will find your life will change and became what you want it to be.

Answer 4

I think you should look around you. SOmetimes when we feel the most alone we just can't see those who love us are around us the most. Sometimes when we feel down we just can't see all the good. If you really feel that bad, maybe you should look into doing some kind of service type project. Try volunteering in yuor community. There are a lot of opportunities, and I am sure you can find something that interests you. FInd something that seems appealing and volunteer. You always feel better when you are helping others, and it also helps you meet some really good, caring people!

Answer 5

i am going to start by responding to the first person who wrote about this. you know, i don't get it. you come on to the mental health portion of this site and you talk smack. sounds to me like you are the one who really needs the help.
now for the actual question. let me say this to you. i know how it feels to not fit in. i never did. but you have something i didn't. you have a child. i get it though. your whole life can't just up and be fixed. i think that you are so stressed out that you don't know where to turn. we all go through this stuff and it sucks. especially when we feel like we are doing it alone. just know that you are not alone. we are never alone. there is always someone there to pick us up when we fall. whether it be a friend, God if you believe, or our parents. with your mom being sick she might not be able to express how much she appreciates you. i am sure she does. i am sorry to hear about your grandma though. that's tough. you keep doing what you are doing with the self-improvement things. i guarantee you won't regret them. you can email me from this site so if you ever need to talk, go ahead and send me a shout. i am going to try to dedicate all my answers to this portion of the site because i feel i would be most helpful. seriously, if you need anything, email me. i am always here if you need me.

Answer 6

No that is not right, if u do make the changes to yourself that you want to , well you will see that people will react to you different. It is you thinking that is tell you that there is no one out there that wants to stand by your side, and you have convinced yourself of that, so you really need to change that way of thinking. Cause there are people out there that care.
No matter what kind of sitting or relationship you could be in, you can end up feeling like that at one point of your life, you need to get out of feeling that way. The feeling will come back off and on, but will not be as strong as it is with you right now.

Answer 7

You're feeling "clinical depression" probably because of all the problems you've encountered in life. I have a few suggestions and they should be done together. First, see your doctor. Explain your situation. He/she should order tests to determine if there's a chemical imbalance in your system. There is medication to correct this. However, the medication will only help partially. It can't address the root causes of your feelings. You have to come to terms with those feelings. Where I live, there are many (often free) groups that address depression. Many hospitals offer these workshops or seminars. We also have a hotline that refers people to places where they can receive help.

Reach out to these resources. It's good to be in a group because you can't feel alone (at least during group sessions) when you see that you AREN'T alone, that others have problems and feelings similar to yours. Through group interaction you learn to deal with these problems. In a group, everyone will listen to you and be there for you. You CAN change your feelings of isolation, but it's up to you to make the effort. Good luck to you, I'm pulling for you to succeed.

Answer 8

I am here for you though I am far off...

But in the meantime

read books

watch movies

learn to cook some nice exotic dishes

Watch some serials

Play with kids

Find a nice boyfriend

Make friends even if you have no friends or bad friends

Listen to music

Come to answers and waste time

Dress up and give yourself a chance to go out when time permits...

Answer 9

There is a reason why books like "Lord of the Rings" and movies ike "Bridget Jones" are so popular. Its partly because relationships like that don't really exist in the real world. Every single person has their own burden and their own troubles to deal with. That means that Your problems can never be as important to them as they are to you.

I feel the same way, about my job, my personal life, the death of my estranged father...

The facts are that every single one of us has these same kinds of problems. You must get up every morning and carry on anyway.

Answer 10

I saw this queston and thought of me! I'm just like you, that song hurt by jonny cash sais it all ( hurt ) "everyone I know goes away in the end"
I will be your internet buddy that is all the help I can offer e-mail me and I'll always talk to you. I'm verry open minded and dont judge people and need as much help as I give to others so let me help you for once!
i'm starring you either way.