they used their disabilites to hoard it over everybody around them,because in general that is actually the type of negative person that they have become or have always been or lately have decided to change and just be a real whiny cry a** about every little thing?
For me, I had a (now ex close friend) who almost died when she was a baby...as did her mom..but, it was a heart condition..and her mom had been sick when giving birth,..now, mind you, while I wouldn't want either of those two to pass on..(and they sure didn't, thank God!), but, unfortunately, the daughter who used to be the "close friend" of mine...her atittude got "meaner and just plain ugly!" Her other friends from college would ask me about her attitudes...(I didn't say a word,,,until one day, I finally broke down and told one of them about her nasty bossy attitude..not just towards me, but, her own family,and strangers near by us!) Her mannerisms had gotten meaner and meaner...and VERY manipulative!
what do you think?
2007-06-13 23:13:20 · 25 answers · asked by ladyk 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ People with Disabilities
This now ex-friend of mine, was taking the liberty of making others "take care of her left and right" when others ,family and mutual friends have thought for a long time, that she could easily take care of things herself..much of the time..but, she chooses to manipulate others around her..which for me, personally is totally uncalled for..and quite frankly I hate being used! I also happen to think that her family knows that she does this,and they put up with this(which is terrible) and friends do as well, becase they don't really "see" how she "really is"!
Do you have relatives or friends that are manipulating others around you, and what do they do, that drives you or others absolutely bonkers?
What have you done to stop them, if anything at all?
I told a friend of hers and mine to stop picking up her air tank(which is what she carries alot of the time) and to see how she manages without him automatically carrying it for her!
I told him,"she is using you, and others!"
2007-06-13 23:18:04 · update #1
I have to answer this again..there was a LOT more to just the way that she would treat me ,with just the disabilites..but, it intermixed in with her wishing that people would "automatically feel sooo sorry for her"..it was also the ways that she carried herself as well! She also used her "ways" to try to hit on other people's boyfriends, and or husbands and more..she just didn't give a Da**! Her atitude was I don't give a Fu**! That really, really bothered me a LOT!!!
She would go not only after MY boyfriends, but, my younger sisters',and other people's boyfriends and think "nothing" of this!
I am not sorry, because I dumped her..she and I don't agree on this thing..and besides it hurt me, a lot! It was extremely painful that she also tried to manipulate another ex-boyfriend of mine years ago..and she tried to get him into bed with her!!
(SHe ain't miss innocent...NOT by a long shot! So, now, do YOU feel sorry for a person like this, if she was YOUR friend?!!!!)
2007-06-13 23:33:17 · update #2
One added item...she works at a Well -known university..and she reads the acceptance essays...to get in (with another person too) anyhow, she found one of a girl that she could NOT stand ,because of a tormented childhood,and she decided that "this girl" would NOT be able or be allowed to get in to this particular university...not if SHE had any say about it...she hates the girl to this day!
I don't agree with this behavior..and I think that it is abominable!
That is WRONG!
My two cents here!
2007-06-13 23:46:09 · update #3
I am NOt disabled..but, I do suffer with type two diabetes, mild lupus, and mild fibro'..and she knew this quite well!
I used to help her, also..I would carry her tank..even when she never believed in herself...She really was much stronger than she would give herself credit for..she never believed that she COULD do things on her own..(she didn't use a wheelchair..she liked to walk,,,but, she also hated it too!)
She also couldn't eat at certain places..and that was frustrating..for me!
(her too,) and now,I am more restricted with foods, than I ever used to be ,when I knew her! Ironic twist isn't this!?
I have something just as deadly as she does!
I already knew how careful her life was..but, she would make it MORe so, by , acting "pitiful" at times...that is what I really emphasize over and over here!
People with disabilites can "over-do-it" and even though her parents kind of went thru w/ her acting like this, they also hated it too! I saw/heard it, a lot!
2007-06-16 02:56:00 · update #4
By the way, I was the type of friend that would reach over and give her a hug..when things were really low, for her..and she didn't like that!
I don't know what is wrong with giving a good friend a supportive hug...hugs have always helped ,me feel better!
I felt bad for her, at one point,and I just grabbed her and said I am sooo sorry that you are going thru these times...things will get better, soon, don't cry! She pushed me away! (I was NOT on the "make" ..I am a straight person ,like she is..and I just wanted to help her...it was a horrible Christmas time for her, that one time! Really, really bad! I thought that reaching out that way, might help her feel stronger or better..but, she really pulled away from me, fast!
She even asked "What are you doing!????"
(I just thought that a hug was going to comfort..know what I mean? Guess I was an idiot?! or what?)
2007-06-16 03:02:08 · update #5
My Ex started getting more demanding & emotionally abusive when I kept insisting that "A Disability was an explaination not an excuse for bad behaviour".
He's now making me out to be the ex-wife from hell.
As with everything some people manipulative and others are good & honest people who've been bundled in with the rest.
.
2007-06-13 23:46:27 · answer #1 · answered by Rai A 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think there is positive and negative in everyone-including the disabled. I honestly used to think (before I realized I had a disability myself), that they were a group of people who had to be happy and accepting all the time, no matter what. That is a sterotype. Your friend has a hard lot in life. She has the right to be frustrated (sounds like she should be seeing a therapist), but it also sounds like she is a little spoiled. I'll put my money where my mouth is here. I try my best not to take my Asperger Syndrome out on people, esp. family. It isn't their fault. I do have my times when I do forget myself and have a pity-party. I have to event. remember that if I'm going to have that party, its a party of one and stay away from everyone else until I calm down, sleep it off, etc... I pity your ex-friend. I also don't think you are a bad person because you felt her behavior was an unhealthy influence in your life.
2007-06-18 07:54:51 · answer #2 · answered by autisticA 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In 1990 I had an A/V malformation. It made me unable to walk. At that point I began my life on wheels. I saw right off that I had two choices. I could be mad at the world and live my life ugly and angry or I could accept it and live a much happier life. Either way at the end of the day I was going remain in a wheelchair. So it was my thought that I may as well live with it and make the best of it. I find obstacles all the time in my life, yet I try to work them out and persevere over them. It is not fun to be in a wheel chair, but you can have fun while being in one. Anybody ugly about or use people cuz. of it just s*ck.
2007-06-14 00:16:41 · answer #3 · answered by Davweso 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a close friend that is a quadraplegic (can't move anything below the neck) sometimes i too feel like he uses his disabilities to get things and to have people do things for him unneccessarily..he will call a neighbor (using his voice acivated phone) 2 or 3 am just to ask them to come over and change his tv channel..he has a voice activated remote, but if it doesnt change the first or 2nd time, he is on the phone regardless of the time, to ask for help..now, granted, little things like that he cant do for himself, but if he could and it happened in the middle of the nite, he would just turn over and go to sleep..i have empathy for him, because he cant move, feed himself or either scratch his nose, but i resent the way he demands things from people, most of us will do anything he wants or needs, but some of the wants can be done without..like rearranging his garage..running to the store for a sack of peanuts..changing small bills into a 20.00 because he doesnt like small bills..all requiring time and effort. I may sound mean or uncaring, but i live with this man as a roommate and it bothers me when he is so demanding.
2007-06-14 14:10:53 · answer #4 · answered by judy c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, I have a family member just like that, although, I have to tell you, the reason why she may be acting that way is because people may feed into it and play the pity card on her. This could be her only way to express the way that she feels since I am sure that people in the family are still trying to baby her because of one near death experience.Also, it may be because she doesn't want to be seen differently and that when people do start to treat her the same as always she probably questions it and wonders what they really think about her. Tell her the way that you feel and make sure that she knows that her actions won't be tollerated and are unacceptable.
2007-06-14 03:56:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I've known what it's like to be taken advantage of by people with disabilities and now I know what it's like to be disabled.
I do my very best not to inconveinance anyone beacuse of my disability and I dont expect special treatment. Just dont knock my wheelchair over because you've had a bad experience with someone else. If you can put yourself in their place and have a little compassion, it might help both parties. If you do run into someone who'e rude or manipulative, call them on it-disability or not.
2007-06-21 07:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by phlada64 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad isn't disabled but because I am on disability benefits living here in the UK he treated me like less than a human being so i guess i'm in the opposite of what you're saying... you did the right thing getting shot of your "friend" i got shot of my dad in just about he same way! I did have a friend who wasn';t disabled who manipulated me and others then she stabbed me in the back big time i didn't speak to her much after that
2007-06-21 02:29:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am disabled. It may be she is scared or frustrated and taking it out on you; not OK
It may be people insisting on helping when you don't need it but eventually come to expect it. That's human nature; but still no excuse.
I wonder why you don't address her with it instead of coming to complain about her in this forum. It doesn't really sound like you have a question, you just don't have the nerve to confront her; that's not OK either.
Forgive her, she's human, just like you. You don't have to put up with it, but don't complain about her behind her back; it's just as bad.
2007-06-14 12:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by timcote7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has a disability and is required to carry an air tank around with her. It can be frustrating with a disability if you need help for things.
How would you like to have to carry a tank around every day
think about it. Walk in her shoes for a day.
Maybe she has some communication problem and takes what others do for her granted.
2007-06-14 00:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by jobees 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I've been around people like that, I'm considered disabled so I understand to a certain extent but also as a disabled person, I find it horrible to be that way. It's bad enough when you work your butt off to prove to people you are worth something but if you just one of those that just settle for less because no one expects anything from you, I don't like that.
If I wanted to I could try for disability and other gov't assistance but I want to prove I can live like other people.
2007-06-14 12:52:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋