Husband Losing Interest in Intimacy and Sex?

Question

My husband and i have been married for 20 months. we were dating 2 years before we tied the knot. our sex life was great back then as we only see each other once a week. but eversince we got married, he doesn't feel aroused at all, at any time. we only have sex once every 2 months, if im very lucky. i used to be shy in asking him but nowadays i just ask him for sex and the answer is always no. we have been arguing a lot about this. his answer is a plain 'i dont know', it just doesnt wanna come up (erection). i tried everything but it just doesnt work. im 30 and he's 26. he is a vaery faithful husband. its just he had a serious problem in intimacy. the last time we really had a good kiss was ages ago. i'm terribly affected by this. thanks

Answer 1

Does he seem down and depressed? Has he had a good physical lately? I would get him to a medical doctor to rule out any medical condition that might be causing the problem. If nothing medical is wrong then counseling is the way to go. Sex problems are usually a sign of more deeply rooted problems in the relationship.

Answer 2

This does happen quite a lot. If he is having problems they are almost certainyl psycological. There are a huge number of self-help solutions out there and resrouces on the internet. My work firewall prohibits me looking them up for you.

What not to do is keep adding pressure. Men take this very, very personally and feel much less than a man when it happens.

He really, really needs to do the self help thing or talk to someone about it.

He will be very surprised how sympathetic his GP or the local family planning clicnic are and most psycologists deal with this daily.

Apparently something like 1 in 3 men suffer from this kind of thing at some stage in their lives.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well kissing and cuddling are paramount to a good marriage. In fact, more important to me than sex. Without the will for that closeness, I find that my sexual urges aren't there. Perhaps there are other worries (possibly money, household problems...etc.) coming between you and guys often shut down when they should express their worries. Perhaps you could try break the routine of your lives for a weekend and do something crazy which you may have done when you first met? I weekend camping at a music festival, or anything that takes you away from your usual routine. Couples often get stuck in a rut and that makes you dwell on things and make mountains out of what really are just mole heaps. I also find that a good blue movie and a bottle of wine and massage oil by candlelight works wonders too.

Answer 4

He sounds a bit young for an erectile dysfunction issue - but it also sounds as if that is the most likely issue...and one that a 26 year old male would have an extremely difficult time facing, talking about, and getting help for...

You should ask him very nicely to go to the doctor with you...together...as a couple...and see if you can find a solution...together...that will bring the sex back into the relationship.

Stress the "together" part...so he knows he won't be facing this alone.

Answer 5

some times in marriages this happens. You have to understand that he might be going through some changes in his life. I would suggest to take a short trip some where romantic. Also he should go for physical check up to his doctor to make sure everything is okay. Do some thing special for him. Arguing about this will only make things worse. May be there is some thing on his mind that he can't share with you. If all in all nothing works give him some time. He would appreciate this. Since he is not sure why this is happening.

Answer 6

We keep on getting questions here from guys about whether they have a STD because they had sex with some whore 3 years ago etc. That may be an issue. You may wish to see a doctor with him.
He may just be depressed by work problems. He may have an erection problem. He may be fat or need Viagra.
I think you should get him to a doctor fast.
Whatever you do, do not go to a psychiatrist. He has a Christian duty and indeed, a Jewish duty to you. Perhaps you should see a Minister at your church.

Answer 7

Ask yourself what changed since your sex life was wonderful and fun...Were you arguing all the time before you got married? Has your exercise and activity regimen been altered at all since you started living in the same house, i.e.: have you gained weight or changed your look? Did the sex stop around the same time you began doing something that the two of you had separate opinions over? It seems to me you're experiencing the same syndrome that men have complained about for years..."she doesn't want to put out anymore, and I can't figure out what's wrong!" Step back and analyze yourself and have him do the same...you'll figure it out.

Answer 8

me and my husband have been married 7 years and have 8 children and a 10 year age difference you would think there would be no sex or intimacy at one point it was gone but then you do things to spice it up like role playing that really works then you could dress up really sexy and be his private dancer there are a lot of things you can do to turn him on you just have to use your imagination and DO NOT give up because marriage is a beautiful thing so,GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

Your husband may be suffering from depression. Ask him to see his Dr. to discuss his lack of interest. It also could be hormonal, emotional, or something in his past that you don't know about. Was he ever sexually abused?

A 26 year old man who is rarely interested in sex is not the norm. Beg him, or make the appointment and take him yourself... Seeking help from his Dr. should be the next step.

I wish you luck.

Answer 10

This sounds like a medical problem. Your husband needs a physical NOW. He may have high blood pressure or diabetes or a plethora of other conditions.

Is there any chance he's using street drugs? One of the side effects of meth and cocaine, among others, is impotence.

Of course, it may be psychological, in which case he (or both of you) may need counseling.

In the meantime, get him a physical!