How to control anger effectivey?

Question

I some time looses my temper really fast on my husband and then after wards I feel very guilty. I really wanted to change myself but I am not sure where to start from. My husband and I are very happily married but because of his mom I get really angry. His mom (my mother in law) annoys me a lot. I wanted to ignore her but some times I can't. Any suggestions on how I can control my anger and also deal with my husband regarding his mom and also how should I deal with my mother in law.

Answer 1

First as your husband. HE needs to set boundried with "HIS" mother, and prevent her from attacking you. IF that is what she is doing.

One suggestion is read
His needs, Her needs, By Willard Harley Jr.

His mother may still be caring for one of his "NECESSARY" needs in life, and this allows her leverage over you. If you can identify this "NEED" then you can step in and change the stakes. You can also take the time and teach him how to "Care for your unique "NEEDS" once you each do this your marrital bond will grow stronger. Once he feels your an Essencial part of his life any one "attacking you will trigger his natural responce to protect the ne he loves. the problem may be that he "loves 2 women, his wife, and his mother, now who does he defend?????

Another thing to consider is his "Unique Love Language" This is how we "feel that people truely love us as individuals" Do you know His Unique language? I bet his Mother does. as she has been with him for all of his life. BTW does he know your's?

just a thought

God Bless

Answer 2

Don't take your anger toward his mom out on him, cuz he's already in a hard spot. He loves his mom, cuz she's his mom; he loves you cuz you're his wife. And trust me, he doesn't want to have to choose between you. Would he be okay if you had a serious talk with his mom about the things she does that bug you? That's where I would start. Sounds like you need to clear the air with her before the tension there creates real problems in your marriage. She might not even know that she's being a pain to you. Open, honest communication can resolve a lot of problems and make life easier on everyone involved. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hi Anjee, Its a common problem in joint family. Firstly, I would suggest not take what your M-I-L says or does to your heart. I can understand that in that very moment one tends to respond on impulse but try not to respond for a couple of seconds and think before you do. Maybe you are right and she is wrong, but its better to keep a calm voice and explain why you think you are right. As for your husband, once again i can understand that he may be a little baised to his mother as all children are. But that maybe because you are constantly telling him the wrong his mother is doing and now he is used to you doing this everytime. The best way is not to use defensive words, but in a very calm and sweet way make him see your point and ask him to decide whether he still thinks you are wrong. Secondly, meditation and yoga are a great help for generally keeping one;s mind in control.

Answer 4

Dear one, why don't you and your husband move to another city?
You know, sometimes relatives really disturbs and interfere in our lives.
About your temper, the most important thing is that you realize your mistakes. Just be very careful, do not hurt your beloved ones. Learn how to count up to one thousand instead of counting only up to 10.
Now, if It's really impossible to move to another place why don't you have a very friendly conversation with her and open your heart and tel you love her very much, but very often you and your husband are having arguments because of her intermission.
But, be wise and inform your husband about your decision in talk to her, before any conversation. Other wise she might gossip to your husband in order to put him against you.

Answer 5

Try ignoring what ever it is your mother in law is doing that annoys you. Let what she is saying go in one ear and out the other. As for your husband he isn't going to see the bad that you do in his mother and you will spend the rest of your life trying to make him. Accept that she is his mother and you have to deal with her, but don't let it get to you or between you and your husband. It truly isn't his fault that she is acting that way.

Answer 6

First, your MIL owes you respect. You are who her son chose to spend his life with. No matter what she thinks of you, she needs to respect his choice. I know some people that have gone through anger management courses with great success. One of the things they teach you is that by letting your MIL push your buttons, she is really winning, not you. If you keep your cool, despite her, you are the one really in control of the situation, not her. She will HATE that more than you losing your temper. ;) SHE will be the one that ends up looking bad.

Answer 7

When you get agro breathe in and out slowly, and think about the rationality of the situation, and think about a calming place. If you want to deal with the mother in law, sit her down and try to sort your problems out with her.

Answer 8

how I can control my anger (Anger Management classes) and also deal with my husband regarding his mom (You don't, issue is not with your husband, it's with his mom) and also how should I deal with my mother in law. (Kill her with kindness). This will scare her and she will stop annoying you.

Answer 9

Don't let your mother-in-law affect the way you treat your husband. He did not have anything to do with who became is mother. Give him a break, or you will put a wedge between you and him. Remember, she IS his mother.

Answer 10

Keep your mouth shut until you have thought any situation through that makes you mad. If you don't fly off the handle you will generally realize that there is a much better way of handling the situation.