TO: Married women/men who waited until marriage to have sex.?

Question

okay I need some advice. I am an engaged female, my fiance is a virgin, I am not. Even though the experience levels are different we have both agreed to wait until marriage. So this question is to Married women/men who waited until marriage to have sex.

I have never been with a male who is still a virgin. I feel lucky to have him and he me, but at the same time I feel that there might be some awkwardness because of the different level experience.

Is this normal, and is it anything like how males are with female virgins, do I need to be gentle?
Any advice greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I was in the same position your are. My husband was a virgin, and I was not. My husband was grateful that I had experience. But our first time together wasn't very good. (for either of us) I've given this lots of thought on what I would have done differently. I will presume he has never seen you nude. Here is what I suggest.

When you get to the hotel room, establish if you wish to have sex that night. It is a simple question, yes or no. Don't laugh! Sometimes getting married is so stressful and tiresome you (both of you) may not be in the mood. If no, change into your jammies and cuddle until you fall asleep.

If yes, I highly suggest you take a shower together. It gets the days grime off, and gives him the opportunity to check out all your nooks and crannies without sexual pressure. (bathe each other) Kissing & foreplay throughout. I suggest that you take the lead role in bed. So, when the time comes....you be on top. This is his first time, his job is to lay there and enjoy it. Don't go to fast...it will be over soon enough. I suggest slow, rythmic, tender movements. Nothing wild and crazy the first time. I highly suggest during lovemaking telling him how wonderful he is, how good he feels, and how much you love him. (Stroke the EGO!)

Good luck, and congradulations on your upcomming marriage. Remember, he is new the sexual arena. Sex does have a learning curve. My husband wasn't any good.... now after years of practice and patience the man is a God as far as I'm concerned.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There is no right and wrong answer to your question. I am fifty and when I was engaged I would have been happy with a virgin but having been married and divorced and out of marriage sex (sparingly) I think you need to know why your finance is still a virgin? Is it a religious belief? Knowing his feelings helps but sex is a big part of a normal marriage and unless the reason is something you can understand I would really think about this. Is your fiance loving phyically towards you? Can he openly talk about sex? It's not abnormal but rare and for that reason alone I do wonder. I have a married couple that are friends of mine and just recently (they are in their 70's) the male in the marriage shared with me how for nearly 50 years he has been sexually unsatisfied but he remained in the marriage for loyality and for the adopted kids. The both people are great and wonderful people but the female just did not like sex and was a virgin and honestly would have prefered to remain that way. She has shared she just did not like sex and only had sex when she felt she had to or out of duty. I am a friend and listened but honestly I think it's better to have sex before marriage unless like I said it's for some religious or mutual reason between the two of you. In this day and age I think depending on the age of your fiance and being male (not meaning to be sexist here) it is very odd. Without questioning you; it seems you are concerned yourself about this and if you are then before you get married you need to have your own thoughts resolved before marrying and then finding out too late if there is a problem. Sex is one of the most vulenerable activities we enjoy and being mismatched will create more than awkwardness; if it is a problem it's going to surfuce quickly. No it is not t he same as a female virgin as far as being gentle; loving yes; gentle no. Hopes this helps.
No easy solution here but follow your inner voice; trust your instincts. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Think about your first time and put him in that situation. It will be awkward but for both of you. You want to be with him and he want to be with you in that special way. Don't compare levels it just makes you sound like you get around alot. Plus don't brag to him about how many men you have been with before. It would make him feel inadiquate and uneasy about the situation. Everyone is a virgin up until some point. Be luck you found a guy who doesn't think that life revolves around sex. You will soon find out the meaning of "making love". It's different from sex its a connection that goes beyond passion. Making love is emotional, physical and spiritual. Sex is just sex. Both of you on your wedding night will witness this, so don't think about him being a virgin. Think about it as a new adventure that awaits both of you.

Answer 5

You are definitely lucky and for him to agree not to have sex before marriage its an indication that he respects you that much. Since you are engaged maybe its no longer a secret to your fiance that you have a previous experienced. You dont have to feel awkward. Just go with the flow. Natural things comes naturally. Just be gentle and reserve on your first night together.

Answer 6

Lucky you. This is a man with great morals! Like riding a bike, you just be you; however, you may have to 'guide' your man into what is best for you two during sex. He may be a little quick, let him rest and start anew. Don't be expecting the greatest adventure of your life (since you have comparisons)...DON'T COMPARE!

You have a better chance than two Virgins, because my husband and I only had books as a reference and the adventures were so much fun. THE MARITAL/SEXUAL BOND WILL BE STRONGER than ANY experience you have had before...simply because he has saved himself for just you. Statically, If there is a Virgin in a relationship, there is a 75% less chance of cheating to occur; that goes up to 89% if two Virgins are married.

Any awkardness you feel, make lite of it, because you are learning him, while he is learning himself. My husband asked me, "Am I doing it right?" and I joked, "How am I to know?

Don't take it all that serious, if you get anxious, just slow down...talk freely during sex...YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO ESTABLISH GREAT COMMUNICATIONS....more experienced men don't like to talk because they think they KNOW ITALL.

Everything that happens will be uniquely NORMAL for you two. ENJOY LIFE AND HAVE FUN.....AND CONGRATS!

Answer 7

LOL

Sorry, but as a man who was not experienced before marriage I was all primed to experiment with my wife, only to be disapointed by her lack of interest in any thing other then "vanilla " sex.

It takes a "VERY" strong man to say no to a pretty lady willing to jump his bones. If you come to this marriage knowing you will have to be the patient one, and knowing that your partner is a blank slate that you can teach then you have a change. BUT if your gonna judge his performance the first time based on past lovers then your marriage could be a train wreck waiting to happen. "ESP... if your hung up on "SIZE" and have no clue how big he is.

Just an FYI

GOOD luck

Answer 8

LOOK!.. If yu try to take the control OR If yu try to teach somethings to him YOU MAKE A GREAT MISTAKE!..

He is a Male. he has to find the way. ıf he feels that you are much more experienced, then he will think allways he is not enough for you.. !!

For first night PLEASE act like a virgin inexperienced girl.. ( dont say lie .. but act like a virgin inexperienced).. Make him feels he does very good sex..HE ONLY NEED THAT for future happiness.

Never try to teach him something.. Never try to take the control.. This makes him Frightened and allways feel " I am not enough" ..Pls dont do that..If possible act like a virgin inexperienced girl for first night..Dont kill his dreams.

I know from myself..I am just like yur fiance..

Answer 9

People should never ger married without having made love to each other before: sexual compatibility is ESSENTIAL in a relationship as well as in a marriage. No great sex, no lasting union;)

Answer 10

Well, he would be awkward if he really is a virgin. ;-) You just teach him along the way. It takes practice. n