Me and my boyfriend are very much in love been together 2 years.. We both were married for almost a decade before we met and now I feel so much in love with this man.. however we both have kids from our previous marriages and, I have been a little frustrated with the situation.. I guess I want to live with him already and have our first child together. But when I bring the m word he says he knows I want that and then says we have to worry about our children we already have and that he knows I cant wait much longer. I guess I just want him to ask the big question soon.. we have an excellent relationship we love each other deeply we never argue and talk a lot about many things I can honestly say we are the best of friends, but sometimes he says he worries and is even scared, because of his ex how she would change with him once she finds out that he would marry again and try to take more money ... Do you think I should be optimistic about him asking me the big Q?
2007-06-13 17:55:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm going to have to agree that if everything is okay let it be for a while. He's not ready for whatever reason and you forcing the issue could derail an otherwise positive relationship. When it's time for the two of you to blend your family it will seem perfect. Until then just be patient.
2007-06-13 18:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a quandry.
From what you say, the Ex is clouding things a bit. I don't see how she can take more money from him if they are already divorced. Are you sure they are COMPLETELY and LEGALLY divorced. Geez, this is not easy to recommend, but you may need to find out if that marriage of his is legally over with. I just don't see why he can justify his fear of her getting more money from him UNLESS...
He's intimidated by her, and not completely over her.
It seems that the feelings are not in balance between the two of you. He should be by this time, legally, financially, and emotionally divorced from this woman. It's not about you, and that is difficult.
I don't think you can be optimistic about the big Q.
I do think though you can suggest couples counseling as a way to get this Ex-wife issue on the road to being settled once and for all.
Some men just do not get over long relationships in a relatively short period of time even if they were done terribly wrong. He sounds like a very sensitive guy with a lot to give. You are troubled, but I can tell you really feel he's your guy for the long run, and you have something to weigh it against.
Be your sweet self. Suggest the counseling as a way to strengthen your lives going forward. You can do this for yourself first, and then invite him to a session. If your insurance covers it, then I STRONGLY suggest taking advantage of it. It's great really. You get to talk about YOUR problems, YOUR feelings and that other person is PAID to pay attention and make it their priority. AND the best part, is there's no gossip. Being a mom, I'm sure that you can appreciate someone putting you first even if it's only for an hour a week. I think of counseling when I'm feeling deeply bothered by something as a way to figure a strategy out of it. Counselors love to help people who want to fix their problems. Don't be ashamed. It's a healthy thing. You also don't have to go but a few times. Start with yourself, then bring the nice guy into the picture. Then the ex-wife thing can start to be addressed. He may end up with some solo sessions himself. It's a healthy way to stay loving and work through something.
Good Luck...... I feel you all the way.
2007-06-13 18:19:34 · answer #2 · answered by Shanna S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be married to someone, you certainly have the right to want that in your life. If you're with someone who doesn't want that, then you have a decision to make. Do you stay with this person, knowing that he may never want to marry again (which is also, his right)? Or, do you leave what you consider otherwise to be a very good, mutually satisfying relationship because he's not willing to marry you? No one can tell you what to do here, you're going to have to decide yourself. It's all a matter of having the same goals in a relationship. If you have different goals, then the relationship isn't going to last. It sounds like you need to see where he stands on the whole marriage issue though, because right now you don't have that information. I wish you all the best! :-)
2007-06-13 18:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slow down. You sound like you would be making a desperate move to pressure him. If you dont live together be grateful you are taking the time to know this fellow and he is along with that scenerio. Most guys wont stick around unless you live together.
SOunds like you are having experiences of insecurity that are steming from his ex. This is normal. That is the bad part of getting with a ready made family. But if you relax and take time, it will come soon or you will come to wisdom.
2007-06-13 18:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just enjoy the moment tommorrow is never promised sound like you have a great relationship now so why change it you both have been burnt by marriage before so why chance it again just be happy without all the pressure of what going to happen in the furture you have the guy let nature take its course.
2007-06-17 17:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by twinkle2twinkle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people who stay together earlier marriage are statistically much less in all probability to marry. people who stay together earlier marriage are additionally extra in all probability to get divorced in the event that they ever do marry one yet another. this means which you're in a difficulty it somewhat is way less in all probability to final than in case you had married first. financial author Dave Ramsey calls a difficulty like yours in basic terms "playing domicile" and heading for disaster. i understand this isn't good information to you, yet you have made some possibilities that placed the two your dating and your funds in possibility. be sure together on a destiny wedding ceremony date without excuses. do no longer in straightforward terms say "sometime" we are going to get married. He says he remains not sure you are the suited individual, yet you purchase a house together? That sounds like an particularly undesirable flow!
2016-10-17 05:13:41 · answer #6 · answered by antonovich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it ain't broke; don't fix it!
Marriage is just something written on paper. The guy is obviously not ready. Don't push the question so much, sounds like he's not going anywhere and both of you seem to have your hands full as is.
so just chill :)
2007-06-13 18:10:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
its a natural progression....it supprises me he mentions his ex and money as a reason...I thought it would be more like he is scared because of his failed 1st marriage...or that things are so good right now he wouldn't want to ruin it by getting married...give him alittle more time...and he will most likely be on the same level as you.
2007-06-13 18:05:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you truly want to get marry then you need to point blank let
him know how you feel. it sound like he making excuses for
not being on the same page as you are. dont waste to much
of your time, put the cards on the table.
2007-06-13 18:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here's an idea: if you really want to marry him, why don't YOU propose? Then the ball is in his court, and you'll know immediately how he feels about it.
2007-06-13 18:05:35 · answer #10 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋