Did you ever refuse to go to someone's funeral? Like an abusive parent?

Question

My sister tells me that she will not attend our Father's funeral when he goes because of several reasons from the past; abuse on several levels.
The only reason why we had a discussion is he's been preoccupied for yrs. concerned 'when he goes' ect.
If you had experienced an emotionally [ect] abusive relationship w/a parent-- did not attend their funeral, do you regret it? Did you not go coz you felt you couldn't handle the pain or other reasons?
And what about family members, were they angry w/you or did they understand if you didn't go?
My sister says she doesn't think she'd be able to handle it.
What was your experience?

Answer 1

I vowed to never go to another funeral unless it is my own. The deaths in my family were not from natural causes and they are not something I like to think about. I have never been more depressed when attending a funeral. 8 years ago my uncle killed himself by jumping in front of a train because his wife left him for another man. Those train tracks happen to be right behind my building and everytime I heard that train I would cry. He left behind an 8 year old daughter, my cousin who I love like a sister. Her Mother kicked he out and she now lives with us. Her mother chose new hubbie over her own daughter and has always treated my cousin like S***! She never even told her own daughter she loved her, ever! I wish my uncle was here for her. I hate him though for what he has done.

Answer 2

My mother is dying of lung cancer right now. I won't be there when she dies, and I won't be attending her funeral. For some people, the parent is already dead, although not literally. The relationship has ended and the person has gone through a grieving process already. There is no need for the parent's death to cause any more psychological trauma than the parent has already caused. Each person has their own experience and the right to attend or not attend a funeral, it's none of anyone else's business, really, because then it's all about the parent again - did the parent get to ease his/her conscience by apologizing, justifying, or doing whatever he/she did before all over again...were the parent's wishes respected, ultimately, who cares? When you tell an abusive parent to hit the road, you say goodbye to all of that, and that parent loses the right to subject you to pain and guilt. You're only going because he guilt-tripped you into it. Don't pick up where he left off. Respect your sister's desire to keep her distance, to remain emotionally healthy, and be supportive. Always value the living.

Answer 3

My dads friend passed away a few years ago and his friends son attended. He was always mad at his dad because he wasnt around. He thought it was his dads fault but really it was his moms. She would never let him see the kids. He got up to say a few things and started bashing his dad. 80% of the people there walked out when he did because they didnt think that was very appropriate (and it wasnt). I was one of the people who walked out but apparently after everyone started walking out, a lady got up and started scolding this guy for saying the stuff he was saying at a funeral. The guy started crying and apologized to his dad. Then after the funeral, he got all mad at my dad because his dad had left all his money to my dad (which wasnt very much). He thought the kids should get it all and the only reason my dads friend left it to him is because he was the most responsible person he knows and would do what he thought was best with it. My dad was just going to split it all between the kids but started secong guessing his choice when his friends son started getting all cranky about it. He did end up splitting it, and he paid for his friends funeral out of his own pocket but that guy needs to learn some manners in my opinion.

Answer 4

I do not know if any of my late partner's family have passed away but I would not attend their funeral. I was away on leave when she died and they hurriedly buried her under a stone reading "UNKNOWN TO GOD".
It is in their church's private cemetery and I cannot change the wording.
Rose P.

Answer 5

I think each person ought to go to every relative's funeral !!!

Funerals are only for the alive people to have their own sence

of closure. Once a person dies, their spirit & soul is gone as soon as they die; there is only an empty corpse, the all the alive-people to have closure! YES, go to your daddy's funeral !!!!!!

Answer 6

Yes, I did. My father, and I don't regret it one bit. I didn't like him or what he did and I didn't care to go. Each person has to do what feels right for them and it is not fair or right for others to force them to do differently. I didn't care what family members thought, I let them make their choices and should be allowed the same courtesy. Please let your sister decide what she wants to do.

Answer 7

I can't think of anybody I know who's funeral I wouldn't want to go to. Seriously though, the person's dead, they're not gonna care whether you go or not, so do what you want to do.

Answer 8

Well i was abused by mother for years and shes not dead yet.. But when she does die i will be there cause I forgive her.. and i would not want to regret it..My family wouldnt be mad if i went or didnt ..

Answer 9

yes i have. my dad's father did bad things to me when i was younger. i died to me when he touched me the first time. i felt sorry fr my dad because his mother passed away years ago. no body quested why i was not there because they know the past and they understand. so no i do not feel guilty for not going. i forgave him years ago but i have not and will not ever forget.

Answer 10

No, I haven't, but a guy I know didn't go to his dad's funeral. (Very Complicated Reasons).