why would my husband say this.....men please respond as well...?

Question

Why is it that whenever my hubby gets upset he immediately starts talking about my ex-boyfriend and comparing my situation with my ex?
We could have an argument or discussion about cars and he'll state the ex's name!
Why does he do this? I've tried asking him why he mentions the ex, and his response is more anger and then points the finger at me?!
I don't understand...I mean if the conversation was about ex's; ok, mention names, but if we're no where near the topic of my last ex, why would he mention him?
Keep in mind, my relationship with this certain ex wasn't even anything special. He wasn't my first love, in fact I was just with him to kill time...seriously...my ex was that irrelevant to me. Yet my husband, who I love soo much and think is so great, always compares our situation to the looser ex that couldn't make a difference in a fly's life!
The only connection b/n the 2 was that my husband was my best friend at the time of dating my ex (who I was only with 8 months). Help!

Answer 1

Clearly there's something regarding your ex that your husband doesn't feel is resolved to his satisfaction. Something there is still an issue for him. It might be that he had strong feelings for you while you were with your ex and he felt (and still feels) slighted by that. It could be some casual remark that you once made and then forgot but stuck in his mind. It could even just be that he has a problem with the fact that you would have a casual sexual relationship with someone "to kill time", as you put it.
The point is that you'll never know until you drag it out of him and deal with it. Don't let it rest - make him tell you what it is specifically that still bothers him.

Answer 2

Maybe he still holds something against this person or even you for dating them. He can't see what you saw in them so he'll nit pick the relationship to make himself feel better. I'm only 20 but my girlfriends past and present have done the same exact thing. It'll be going well and they'll say something, anything involving an ex just to make me feel like it was a mistake for ever knowing that person. It can make me pretty mad because they didn't walk in my shoes so how can they say these things.

I've done it a couple times. People are just taken aback when you throw something completely irrelevant in their face during an argument. Your moment of bewilderment is enough to tilt the conversation in their favor, make them feel like they got one up on you. Lots of times guys just need to know that the way they are is better then the way 'that' guy was/is.

Answer 3

It sounds like for whatever reason your husband has a huge insecurity issue when it comes to your ex. You know how it makes us feel to know that our husband has a really pretty ex-girlfriend? All the questions and insecurities that we may feel about their past relationship, he may be having about your past relationship. I would suggest picking a time when your husband is not angry and asking him about it.

Answer 4

Sounds like he is affaid of being you next loser ex. He loved you then, can't you see that. I must have been killing him to see you with him. Now everytime something starts to wrong, those feelings jump up to the top. Try ex bashing together, or see a marriage councler.

Answer 5

hmmm...It doesn't sound like the issue is that he keeps bringing up the ex....I'm thinking that the underlying issue is his insecurity and inability to have a productive and mature disagreement/fight.
He may benefit from reading a book about how to have disagreements fairly, or by attending marriage counseling. I hope that you two tackle this problem now before it gets bigger. Good luck!

Answer 6

Stop talking to him completely when he mentions your x. I mean totally turn around and exit. Don't say anything else to him about it. Don't give negative behavior any attention, you will be amazed how fast he stops doing it. You have to be strong though and exit every time, don't let him get away with it at all. Try it, it works. I learned it in a parenting class, works on adults too........ It is cool.

Answer 7

Because he knows that will get a reaction out of you! Tell him to grow up' and that if you wanted your ex you would still be with him!!! Signed, Your Ex (Just kidding) ;-}

Answer 8

you probably still talk to the ex and the man in your life is unsecure,,, suck him off ,tell him everything is ok and drop the crap about the ex as you should also,, its a problem,,if not drop the husband or whatever he is and get a new one theres lots of us out here,men only like 2 things and food is second,,good luck

Answer 9

Tell him that if you wanted your ex, you would be with him instead of your husband.

Answer 10

He feels that he's in competion with your ex!