short comedy stories?

Answer 1

The Jumble
Lights up on the living room of a moderate, middle-class suburban home. Its two distinguishing features are; 1) pens and pen cups litter every conceivable surface, and 2 the pens are on top of knit doilies and knit table cloths, there are knit table runners and knit pen cup cozies, there is a hand knit area rug, and the couch is covered by a knit Afghan. BERTRAND and EUGENIA, two middle-aged people of indeterminate origin, each wear a knit sweater. BERTRAND appears to be asleep on the couch Dagwood-style, face to the cushions. There are newspapers scattered about. EUGENIA is putting down the phone.

EUGENIA
They’re on their way.

She starts scurrying around the room trying to herd all the loose pens into their cups. She starts to go over to clean up the papers, looks anxiously at BERTRAND and decides to leave the papers alone.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
Theyll be here soon, dear.

She returns to her task. When she has finished corralling the writing implements, she starts to cross to an easy chair to sit down. The easy chair has a large basket of yarn beside it. Before she sits, she realizes she has to locate her knitting needles. She has retrieves one needle from one pen can and the second needle from another. She notices some schmutz on the second needle. She uses the bottom of her sweater to wipe it off with. Now she is free to sit down and start knitting.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
Do you suppose theyll want some refreshment?

Silence.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
No, that would be silly. Wouldnt it?

Silence.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
Theyre going to know we had a little tiff this afternoon, wont they?

Silence.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
You know this is why you make me so very angry, sometimes. I admit that I wanted to marry the strong silent type, but you carry it too far. All of my best memories may just as well be right now. Us at Mazatlan, out on a beautiful romantic beach, and you either sleeping or doing your paper puzzles.

EUGENIA's knitting takes on a furious pace.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
You know which I hate most. I hate the jumbles. For some reason you become insufferably smug when youve conquered the jumble. § §Did you just finish a jumble earlier? Is that why you came at me, pen in hand, lecturing me about my mawkish sentimentality?

I only wanted us to get a portrait taken. There's not a single picture of either of us in the whole house. There are no pictures of us from the whole of our marriage.

EUGENIA sighs and returns to knitting at a less angry pace.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
No sense rehashing the argument.

I know I shouldnt complain. I do so hate to rock the boat. After all, youve never raised a hand to me, never even raised your voice. But, and lets be honest, you can be pretty cold.

And you have ways of yelling without raising your voice. Eugenia, you say. Eugenia, not Genie.

I guess thats not right. Its not yelling exactly. Its sort of an anti-yelling. I want a scream, and you give me a void. I want passion and you give me a bigger void. §Don't be ridiculous, I can just hear you, emphasizing your condescension by using your pen like a conductors baton, a void is nothing. How on earth can you have a bigger nothing than nothing.

Oh, Im sorry dear. I shouldnt be spilling this out now, of all times. As I said, I really dont have cause to complain. And Ive given you lots of causes. But not because Im bad or stupid. I just wanted to get some sort of rise out of you.

Like when I bought the mahogany Bombay hutch for ten thousand dollars.

“Eugenia,” you say, tapping my chest with your pen, “you simply have to be more practical.”

Or flirting at parties with Jason Staples. I thought sure that would make you upset, but I dont think you even noticed. And then two Christmases ago, he couldnt take anymore. He got me alone in the Pierces kitchen, and he almost...Well, I got away before. I would tell you what he did do if I thought it might get a reaction.

Oh dear, Im sounding bitter again. And I dont mean to. I heard that we repeat the patterns of our childhoods. My father was a lot like you. Mother ignored me a lot, too. But I didnt think youd be this bad. You certainly werent this way when you paid me court.

Or were you? My memories of back then are so...My parents were so...I did so want to get away from them.

Now it just sounds as though Im making excuses. And cliched excuses, too. Ooooh, I know how you hate that. One of the few reactions I could get from you.

A toungue-clikcing, pen-on-chest-tapping, scorn-in-your-eyes reaction, but a reaction none-the-less.

It's hard to avoid cliches in this life, dear. There's been too many other lives to rule it out completely. Is that why youve always said so little? Were you afraid, my little man, of saying something someone said before? Why couldnt you just tell me that?
Let a little chink in your armour show, and I think wed both be the better for it.

Fear. Im afraid a lot. I wish we could share it. I wish I could have said all this to you earlier...years ago. I wish you could hear me.

EUGENIA throws down her knitting.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
But you never listen! Whenever I finally get you to look up from your darn newspaper puzzle page, all I get is a pen in my chest and a lecture. § §It makes me feel...that pen in my chest, it makes me feel so small.

And thats all Im trying to say. I just wanted you to know how it felt. I just wanted you to see how annoying it is, pen tapping on chest. You know how careful I am. Especially about my things. You know that dont you? I swear I thought I had one of your pens in my hand.

We hear a distant siren
getting closer.

EUGENIA (CONT'D)
I didnt know it was my knitting needle. I just wanted you to see how a pen in the chest feels. I didnt know it was my needle. I should have noticed. Youre right, dear. I should have noticed by the third or fifth tap. But you know how I am when I get emotional. Youve said so yourself.

Oh, theyre almost here. I should have made them a little something. A little snack.
Lights fade, end play.

By me

Answer 2

How about a lady(or boy) who meets a lady outdoors of school. Then contained in the subsequent paragraph say he's a forex student. Then have how they bicker and wrestle yet they are easily flirting. be confident to operate all lot of sarcasm for the comedy section.

Answer 3

O Henry- The Ransom of Red Chief. Pax - C

Answer 4

I like Douglas Adams Hitchiker's Guide books. There are several short books and they are all funny.

Answer 5

...are funny? :)