I'm separated and about to divorce, but I told my new girlfriend that I'm already divorced... big deal or no?

Question

Ok I've been separated for about 7 months now and the divorce is going through next week. It's nothing complicated, no kids or anything like that, just simple divorce.

I've been dating this new girl now, we are completely in love each other, its definitely for real, we think alike, find ourselves copying each other at times, we have an unusual amount of things in common. Everything is going great, shes definitely a very, very rare find in a woman. No problems at all. She's perfect in my eyes.

I did a stupid thing however... she knew I was married before, she asked me if the divorce is final or in the process... I dont know why I didnt say the latter. She thinks I got divorced 7 months ago. but it will be over with next week. I'm scared to tell her the truth now, is it a big deal? I mean say if I got married to this girl someday in the future, will it be a big deal? A way for her to find out? Maybe I should get an anullment? I don't want her to think I that I doubt her or somethin

Answer 1

when she finds out, you will be ex times two

Answer 2

It's all a matter of trust. You are starting this relationship out telling lies. So is it OK if she lies to you? Is it OK? Must be, because you feel it's all right. What goes around, comes around. I would make the record clean and clear. Be honest, tell her you don't know why you said what you said, that maybe you were afraid to lose her. But DON'T start this new one out with lies and deception, because she WILL find out. Mark my words. Remember them. She will at some point in the future find out. All she has to do is have one look at the divorce papers, no matter where you hide them, or she can find the divorce date online. Way too many ways to find out. Don't risk it, guy. Fess up, ask for forgiveness and assure her you will never lie again. Better to do it now, than try to explain it away in a few months or a few years.

Answer 3

OK you didn't tell her the truth at first because you thought you would lose her. You've known her a while now, how picky is she about details? On the one hand if you trust her and you know you're both in love, she should be able to handle the truth. On the other hand, they say some things are best kept as secrets even from our most trusted friends. You are the only one that can make a decision like this. If there is any possibility she might find it out from a family member or friend, be extra cautious. What I would do, I don't know. I'm just offering you suggestions and things to think about. Good luck, I'm sure you're not the first person to be in this position and you won't be the last. I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 4

Yes! it is a big deal, for several reasons. 1. You lied to her. 2. You were still married at the time of dating her so she is going to feel that if you could cheat on your wife how can she trust you not to cheat on her.3.If you feel that she is perfect then you are in a world of trouble. Be honest and tell the Truth and deal with the out come. She might leave and then again she might forgive you and give you another chance. Lesson: If you love someone you shouldn't never keep anything from them no matter how much you messed up.

Answer 5

this is a big deal to a woman. a relationship is all about trust for a woman. you need to let her know now before you further your relationship and explain to her why you didnt tell her the whole story in the beginning. hopefully for you, she will be understanding and not end things. but if you continue to withhold the info and she finds out later....it could really be the end. if she finds out that you lied to her about that later on in the relationship..it will make her doubt you from that point on and she will constantly wonder what other things you are lying to her about! you need to tell her now...if she is the great woman that you say she is, then she will understand that the reason you didnt say anything in the beginning is because it was a new relationship and that you didnt know how long or far it would go. that would be understandable.
Goood Luck! but always tell her everything...women need all the details..i dont know why,,we just do!

Answer 6

LOL Very Big Deal And The Fact That You Say Simple Divorce Is Any Divorce Ever Simple I Mean Kids Or Not I Stopped Reading After THat Because I Knew You Were Stupid By Just Reading 3 Sentences You wrote...Hmmmm

Answer 7

Been there. Done that.

You have to tell her the truth.

Explain to her that you were not completely honest with her and that you had no bad intentions with her.

My experience -- I was embarassed about having the failed marriage for some reason. I told her this before my marriage was completely done. I explained that I didnt tell her the whole truth because I thought she may see me differently because I was going through a failed marriage and she may think that I was choosing her on a rebound. She completely understood and we got past the experience with no problems.

The best thing to do is be honest with her now. If she truly cares for you, she will understand.

Make sure that you let he know that she is not a rebound.

If you have been seperated from your wife for 7 months, explain that to her and that you were only going through the motions before the divorce was final.

If she truly loves you, she will not hold a grudge for something you cant control and she should understand your reasoning for not telling her the whole truth.

Tell her how much you care for her and that you want her in your life. Let her know that you were afraid that she wouldnt be in your life if you would have told the truth.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Wow, Not a good thing to have said to her. You made her the other woman, mistress, bi**h, etc. YOU WERE MARRIED! Still are till next week. So you continue to lie. Yet you say you love her. If she is as good as you say, then you must come clean and hope for the best. If I was placed in this situation, I'd leave. Any decent woman would. Now if you think you can hide it, think again. Lies always come out. If you plan on marrying her, you will have to show your divorce papers and she will see the dates and put two and two together.

Answer 9

Coming frm my POV, it's a total big deal, but not so big that i wouldn't forgive you like 3 minutes later.
If she's as amazing as you think she is, tell her the truth. But you must remember that she might be a bit upset about it for a while. And if she asks you why you didn't tell her the truth you must be honest about it.
Lets say that you don't tell her and she finds out from someone else that you really weren't divorced when you told her that you were, she will really be upset then, it may even cause you 2 to break up and i wouldn't want that for you, honestly

Answer 10

OK coming from a woman. YES it is a HUGE deal you can't base your relationship on a lie. Which is what you did. You should tell her the truth. She has a right to know and how she chooses to handle it you should except. When I started dating the man I am with right now he know that my divorce was not final. And I knew that he was still married. We have been happy for the 2 years we have been dating.

Collard

Answer 11

Maybe you would think about how you live your life and try eliminate the excuses you give yourself for not telling the whole truth. You will be happier if you decide right now to tell the whole truth and never to mislead anyone with a half truth or a small untruth again. You will find it a better way.
As for your problem wiht your gf...it will do no good to tell her now. It will only hurt you to have any further discussion of it, but you better change your ways. You can't go through life telling half truths and expect to be the kind of guy that everyone wants to be around and do business with and be successful. It just doesn't work that way.

Good luck.