lyrics rough draft... i need to finish this by 2maro can you help me out with this one let me know what u thnk

Question

sometimes i really do wonder
do you still love me?
its why i often cry myself to sleep
while i lie there all alone
thats when the pain i feel is really deep

i have memories that i hold tight
of times when we were happy and
didnt just fight
i have memories that make me believe
that it was real and myabe this is just a dream

as i sit there
my back against the door
i try not cry
and i often wonder

why dont you love me as much as u used to
why dont you hold me
why dont you care
why arent you there
to comfort me when im scared

going through the motions
trying to fill the empty spaces
trying to hide the scars
trying to ignore the feeling in my heart
if i close my eyes will it take me back
will i feel better
will i get my life back on track

Answer 1

1) Last line first stanza - "thats" needs apostrophe - i.e., shd. be "that's"

2) First line, second stanza - perhaps "that are bright" is better than "I hold tight."

3) Third line, 2nd stanza - "didnt" shd. be "didn't."

4) Last line, 2nd stanza - correct the spelling of"myabe;" shd. be "maybe."

5) First line, 3rd stanza - "there" shd. be "here."

6) 3rd line, 3rd stanza - in "try not cry" a "to" must be inserted before "cry."

7) 1st line, 4th stanza - "u" not acceptable. Use "you" as done before in same line.

8) 4th stanza - several words here require the use of an apostrophe before the last letter; note the ff. correct forms: "don't" (used in lines 1, 2, & 3); "aren't" (second to the last line); "i'm" (last line).

9) Last stanza - period is needed at end of 4th line, & question mark at end of last line.

10) 2nd stanza - period needed at end of 3rd line.

11) Put a period at the end of the FIRST, SECOND, and FOURTH stanzas.

With these changes, the poem/song will be better. There seems no need to add anything to it.

Answer 2

Lyrics like these usually make me yawn.
Another person/people writing another song about his/her relationship with another, and the word "love" gets used. Everyday in the mainstream music you hear lyrics such as these ad nauseum. Maybe they contain some meaning for the person(s) who wrote them, but it is not as interesting for others to read/listen to them. Why? There are just too many songs with lyrics like this, and they get stale fast. In this song the first person plays the role of the victim - we know why. "The child that cries gets the candy", either that or a wet pillow. Is this song called "My Insecurity"?

Answer 3

I have to be honest but this song has no rhythm. By reading the last words of every line you will see that there is basically no beat/rhythm. One way to fix this would be to change each stanza to have the same lines and make sure that every other line rhymes together.

Answer 4

I think its awsome "as is". You are very talented. Good luck!