How do I tell people that I've been divorced twice w/o sounding like a loser?

Question

I'v been married twice, and divorced twice. Both times I truly put my everything into the marriage. I never cheated or lied or did anything that broke the relationship. Both times I was done wrong and continued to try to make it work even after the fact. Divorce comes with such a bad stigma around it, how do I express my unique situation without sounding like a victim?

Answer 1

Girl, I feel you. Been there and did that! People like Friends F try to make us feel 'less than the best' in our role as good wives. What you need to do is what I have learned to do: DON'T GIVE A HOOT WHAT THE HECK 'THEY THINK'. The stigma comes from people of less morals than us and when a person has made 'major' mistakes in life, they LIKE TO JUSTIFY THEMSELVES BY SAYING THAT 'WE ARE NOT BETTER'! Well, you and I both know that we are better, WE WERE BLAMELESS, AND NOTHING CAN CHANGE THAT. What these NAYSAYERS suggest is to their own detriment. Sure, they learned from their 'MISTAKES'; however, we never made those mistakes and don't have to be accountable for anything.

Some people are just GOOD PEOPLE, WITH MORALS OF RIGHT AND WRONG AND WE WILL NOT BE SWAYED TO DO WRONG FOR WRONG DONE.

You need to be PROUD AND LET THESE PEOPLE KNOW, YOU WERE DONE WRONG AND NOT A FOOL TO STICK AROUND FOR MORE. I find that people of good morals and mature understanding will accept that answer and RESPECT THAT YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH.

THE OTHERS ARE NOT WORTH THE TIME TO READ OR LISTEN TO ANYWAY....AFTER ALL, THEY ARE STILL LEARNING WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW!

YOU HAVE TO MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT YOU, SOMETIMES!

Don't forget to block Friends F, as I did, so you don't have to deal with her evil ignorance again. God Bless

Answer 2

I am divorced (once) and I don't really feel much of a stigma because it is so common. For what it's worth, the divorce rate for 2d marriages is higher than for first marriages.

If I were you, I'd offer no explanation at all. I'd say I'm divorced. End of story. Don't answer any questions beyond that, unless they're asked by someone with whom you'd like to get involved. When you do explain, be honest and never badmouth your ex-spouses. Afterall, you chose to marry them. If anything would make you look like a loser, then it would be if you blamed them for everything that went wrong, not the fact that you've been divorced twice.

Answer 3

you think divorce comes with a stigma..
but it no longer does
look at the 50% divorce rate
your merely picked wrong on a consistent basis
you over look core value flaws that were incompatible with yours ( hence the inevitable divorce and you valaint but wasted attempt ot salvage the marriage or the analogy of fitting a square peg into a round hole .. sooner or later you'll realize it just wont fit.. even with a bigger hammer )
it's best not to talk about you past 2 failed marriages ( and that exactly what they are ) but see the mas a blessing in disguise... after all all failure are learning experinces..
if you brave out there into the venture once again of relationships you must discard the bnagge that is divorce and learn from your mistakes ( yes they are your mistake.. nbever worry about the other persons mistake ) and go foward with a postive mental attitude in life
this alone will compensate for any pereceived stigma you think you carry ( only if you allow it to... )
the attractive people are those who move foward.. live life and live it well and proceed to new relationships sans fear
this must be you

happy hunting

Answer 4

If after knowing someone for awhile and it is important to you reveal your personal business- just tell the truth. You are not a loser. Do not equate losing at love as you personally being a loser.
I have been in your shoes and if people don't understand your being married twice that is their problem not yours- if you have been honest and up front- there is nothing else for you to do or say.
I have no real statistics to back up what I am going to say BUT in the USA how many of us get divorced once? TONS
Divorced twice? I'll bet there are many You are not alone

Answer 5

Don't bring it up unless necessary. Anyone who knows you, already knows your situation and that you aren't to blame. Wait until someone gets to know you before telling them. That way they know what type of person you are and won't judge you like an acquaintance would.

If you're trying to tell someone that you've known for awhile about your past, I would suggest being honest. Tell them that you want to share something with them that is difficult to talk about. Don't tell them your whole, long story, let them ask questions instead. Be sincere and don't make light of it.

Most marriages end in divorce, people will understand. Anyone who doesn't hasn't been through it.

Life is a learning process, as long as you learned from it, you are not a loser.

Answer 6

I understand your misery. I have experienced the misery of being divorced twice....and I put so much effort into it too. And people always think badly of you. That is...the ones that thrive on thinking bad about people.

I wouldn't talk much about your past marriages. And like the others mention, whose business is it anyway.

Fact is...that marriages don't always work anymore. People want different things..and they pretend who they are just to get something from others.

My ex was basically gay with extreme OCD that he managed until the day we got married...then he spent all his energy telling me that I had the problem for wanting sex. Fact is that all people hear is that I was married before. So from experience...just don't mention it. Wait..and if someone you are interested in does ask...just say that you have been married before. That is it...Be brief.

Love isn't what you thought it was...and it is certainly not what others think it is either. Just settle for finding someone sincere in life...and maybe...just maybe they won't hold it against you for being human in a rotten world.

Answer 7

I think part of the problem here is you thinking you're a "loser" for being divorced twice. I've met people that have told me they were twice divorced and honestly, inside I was thinking "wow, that sucks" not "wow what a loser". Stop feeling like a loser. You were wronged twice in marriage. Start feeling pride that you got out when you did. Change your attitude and you'll change the way (you think) the world sees you. Good luck and hang in there :)

Answer 8

I understand where your coming from and nowhere in there did I get that you were trying to say that you were perfect. I am in your situation and things happen sometimes no matter how we try. Sometimes two people just cannot work things out. Just be yourself and once someone falls in love with you, you know that is going to be all that truly matters as will be the case when you fall in love with them to. Sure the past will be discussed but you will have a chance to discuss these types of things.

Answer 9

The best way to not sound like a loser to by saying that you sometimes feel like a loser because you've failed at being able to find the right person for yourself. Just be honest, but you don't have to share this on your first date with someone unless they come right out and ask you.

Answer 10

It doesn't always have to be the first thing that comes into the first conversation you have with someone. My husband had been married three times before he married me. I never thought bad about the reasons his ex's were dumb enough to let him go. I just count my blessings everyday for him being all mine. When you find the right person to be your partner the past won't be a problem. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve.