Do you ever go through relationship "phases"?

Question

Some days I think my hubby and I have the best ever relationship and other days I would just like to pack up and leave this. He is absorbed in sports, he is not affectionate or romantic, but he is my best friend and we have fun together. Sometimes I think we have different goals in life. Im in the "i just want to leave" phase today in case you cant tell......

Answer 1

It happens. But if it makes you feel better I think it is just because we are strong powerful women. We know we COULD leave if we wanted to. It sticks in the back of our mind that we have an escape route and we don't have to put up with any crap. That's prob how we got such good husbands. We didn't settle for the crap.
When I was dating I thought I could leave any day. Then when we got engaged I thought about it once a week. Now that we are married it crosses my mind sometimes. I'm guessing that when we have kids I'll think about it even less. I know a good thing when I see it and I will never leave my husband/best friend.... But I could..... ;-)

Answer 2

There are always phases in life and with marriages but you needed to know if your goals were in line before you married. I don't think he changed into a sports nut after you married or you didn't notice he wasn't the most affectionate guy. If those things were a problem, they should have been addressed prior. Marriage entails more than having fun together but maybe you need to approach the issues a little differently as well. Being married doesn't mean you have to like doing all the same things either. Find outlets for things you like to do when he's doing the sports thing and try taking the romantic upper hand when you can. It's about compromise so don't place everything on him.

Answer 3

I hear you. Loud and clear.
It's just the way life is. I have no other explanation.
But all I know is that when I was single, I also went through phases. Except there was no guy around who I would have to tell to go away and to please leave me alone for a few hours. So, now I just go to another room, or do something else.

I think it's important to give each other some space.

I've decided that what's important is to have fun together. And those times are really fun. What's not fun is when we're both grumpy....

I mean, there are couples that also get on each others' nerves but they NEVER have fun together. So if you have fun, enjoy those times. Because that is important.
And if he's absorbed in sports...Well, it depends how much. If it's along "normal" lines then it shouldn't be a big problem (but it IS annoying, I totally understand). Maybe you can also find something to get absorbed in?

Good luck!

Answer 4

Sure, relationships are all about phases. Being able to work through them and come out on the other side with something better is the challenge. Having different goals in life isn't impossible. Work on your goals as he's absorbed in sports! Do the things you love to do and don't get mad when he does. You are partners. Marriage doesn't mean you have to be attached at the hip. Time apart sometimes brings back the romance and affection.. Go do your thang!

Answer 5

Yes, know exactly. My husband is the most loving, affectionate husband---he is romantic and everything I ever wanted. And then, some days, it's like out of the blue--he cant control himself concerning certain subjects. Sometimes, when he is around an attractive woman, he goes into a different world and we have had fights about this.

You have to put up with a lot of stuff or live by yourself

Answer 6

I think everybody has their days...there are some days when I wonder if it's all worth the hassle. (My fiancee is divorced with a megab***h of an ex wife and a sometimes challenging 7 year old.) I think it depends on what you are looking for in a relationship. Are you the kind of person who needs affection and romance on a daily basis, or would you rather spend your days with your best friend? It's really not a question that anyone else can answer for you, it's a matter of your personal preferences. All you can do is find someone to commiserate with on your "I just want to leave" days. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Personally, I think of a break as seeing whether your happier with or without that person. My guess is he wants to see if he likes it better without dating you, or he's gonna end up missing you and start going back out with you. Technically, it's not officially over, but there is probably a good chance that it can be, depending on whether he can do better or not. Of course, sometimes breaks can strengthen a relationship. Really, anything can happen, so just hope for the best, or do your own thing. PS - I'm sorry about your fight and hope everything works out with you two!

Answer 8

If you consider him to be your best friend, he's worth trying to keep. :) Try to get absorbed in your own hobbies and interests while he's wrapped up in sports. You say he's not affectionate or romantic - what does he do when you initiate? If he is truly disinterested, well then I guess that's a bigger problem altogether... You might want to really talk this out (but not in the middle of a sporting event).

Answer 9

My mum and dad have been married for 25 years, together for 30, and there have been many time when they have wanted to call it quits. They dont argue often but do p*ss each other off sometimes, and thats normal.
People change and sometimes the things you want out of life aren't exactly the same, but you just work through it and remember the positives and support each other.

Answer 10

We all go through that! That is normal....I think. I mean, when you have two people together, you aren't going to get along all the time, and sure, there will be times you want to just leave. When i get like that, I do leave...I go to the mall, a movie, or to a girlfriend's house...or lunch with the girls. That helps a lot!