lets talk about bringing a 3rd person into the relationship (marriage)?

Question

what are some of the long term effects?

if both are interested, and have talked about the possiblity of having a girlfriend, what are some of the major disasters that could happen?

could it ruin a marriage? make it better?

we would both be able to call her for one on one, possible she would move in?

instead of just saying it would wreck it, lets go into why

Answer 1

it will destroy your marriage

Answer 2

First let me say that I have never known this situation to ever, EVER improve a relationship-----especially a marriage.

I have only watched relationships disintegrate after this proposal has been followed through with.

That said, I will also admit that I do understand completely though. A relationships moving along, everything actually seems great, it's not that there is anything lacking....then this comes up. Maybe it's because you've hit a 'rut'...want to spice things up. Maybe you've been using a toy as a 'third person' and now think that it'd be interesting to add in the real deal. Or perhaps he's just saying, "man, it'd really turn me on to watch another girl/guy do this to you." Well, let me say right here that it hardly ever involves YOU and another girl/guy going at it while he watches from the sidelines, so if that's the deal get that out of your head right now...they ALWAYS want more than they are admitting especially if you're not being totally open to the new concept.

BUT then, if you are BOTH open to anything and EVERYTHING...then maybe it can work for you both.
I'd say that before anything takes place, you both need to discuss any 'rules' clearly beforehand.
AND keep things safe!!! Safe sex. Yes, that's what I'm saying...I had to :)

Anyway, whatever you both decide...remember...it is something you will both have to live with for the rest of your marriage and the rest of your lives (hopefully they're one-and-the-same, but in situations like this....I've never seen it last...the marriage that is.)

But, good luck and take care... I wish you well.

Answer 3

If getting the ring is really the issue then help him out. You already live together and probably split all the bills anyway, so why don't you split the cost of the ring? Tell him that your serious about getting married, and you know he is to, so from now on each week you both will put away $50 towards the ring. $400 a month, times 12 is $4800. More than enough for a nice engagement ring that is within your range if money is truly the issue. You'll be engaged next xmas at that rate, but atleast you'll have the knowledge that the ring is coming! Or, you could just skip the engagement ring process, spend the money on flying to vegas and get married there. that way the trip & wedding will be paid for, and you both could get a plain gold band for cheap.

Answer 4

If you are both into it and understand that if you come home and they are in bed together you won't get upset and vice-versa. Then I say go for it. My husband and i have had three-somes but, with another guy, (the men didn't do anything together) But we both talked about it and that was the only way i would go because I can't see my husband having sex with another woman. As long as you have good communication and have covered all bases. Nothing should be bad about it. If you don't have communication then it could turn into a disaster and could eat you alive inside. Like I said as long as you could handle seeing him have sex with another person then hey why not.

Answer 5

Bringing anyone else into a marriage is always a disaster. Being married is a moral commitment between two people not a plethora of persons. Work on why you are talking about this and find a way to make your marriage more successful. If you need other people, you already have some serious marital issues to work on.

Answer 6

If you both want it, then yes it can be good at first. I have known several people who lived like this, and in the beginning its always good. I promise you that in the end you will ruin your marriage. If you love your spouse, keep your marriage between the two of you. If you need to fantasize then use videos. Keep it a fantasy.

Answer 7

Lets talk about divorce court. Long term effects. Women tend to be emotionally driven. Jealousy would have to be a huge factor. Most women can't stand to see their man look at another woman, much less sleep with one. There would have to be rules and rules are made to be broken. I think a relationship would have to be totally secure and giving for this to even begin to work, something that takes years to accomplish. Apparently there are people out there who do this and survive but I've never met any of them. I think its a myth.

Answer 8

If you have cable TV watch HBO'S TV series BIG LOVE You'll get an idea as to what are the effects to having more people in the marriage.

Answer 9

that's kraaaaaaaaaazy, the best thing is some good *** sex..... the worst would if u might have. is would if he likes her more? start paying more attention? would u get mad if he have sex with her alone sometimes? instead of bringing her into the relationship just call her when u want to ****. that's what it would b about right?

p/s don't take that the wrong way.

Answer 10

It will ALWAYS ruin a marriage. I dont know ANY couples who do that who have stayed married. Someone gets hurt. Someone falls in love someone gets pregnant someone gets an STD. Once the bullet has left the gun, there is NO putting it back.

Answer 11

It sounds like it might be fun doesn't it? But in reality it only brings up feelings of insecurity and jealousy.

If your marriage is that bad, adding a third person to it will only cause a split to happen. Be forewarned.