My husband doesn't love me anymore...?

Question

or maybe he never really did. Anyway, my question is what should I do? He's not sure if he wants a divorce, as we have two young children together. I'm not sure either, if we should stay together for our children or if we shoud just move on. I don't think it will be good for the kids if we divorce but I know that me and my husband being unhappy wont be good for them either. What is your opinion and advice?

Answer 1

A couple should never stay together for the sake of their children. Remember, nothing ever good comes from a lie. If you and your husband don't love one another, believe me your children will see through that lie, and when they grow up they will more than likely exhibit the behavior they see in your relationship. Before jumping the gun and getting a divorce however, the thing I would recommend is that you and your husband seek marital/and or spiritual counseling. Marriage counseling by a minister would perhaps be more beneficial. What most people fail to realize is that marriage is hard work. It is not easy and like everything else what a couple put into a marriage is what they will get out of it. If you and your husband can honestly say you gave it your all then I would say call an attorney, but if you can't, and more than likely you can't, I would have to say give counseling a try. What do you have to lose? The marriage you save may be your own. Well it is about time for me to get off this computer and spend a little time with my wife. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hopefully everything will work out for you guys. Peace and God bless.

Answer 2

I can tell you from experience that I have been thru this very situation, and I had two kids also. I worried about it causing problems for my kids if i got divorced but I also realized that their parents fighting and showing unhappiness in front of them was not good either. So I made the decision to divorce my husband. At first it was traumatic for all involved but after awhile and getting use to the change it worked out well. I never kept my ex from the kids as I felt they were entitled to see their father whenever they pleased no matter how I felt about it as long as he was a decent and loving father. They both have grown up to be very decent, and successful adults. I married again after 4 years and had a 13 yr marriage. Things worked out fine all the way around for everyone. It's very scary to think about doing but once you do it becomes a normal way of life and everything will fall into place. Don't be scared. You can do it and you and your children will be very happy. Good luck to you!
And about the marriage counseling stuff! Don't even consider it because most of the time it's a total waste of time. When people decide that they don't love one another any longer it's usually been that way for awhile. It's not something that just "pops" up all of a sudden. You don't just fall out of love in an instant. If you're not in love anymore then it's time to move on and not waste your life entertaining thoughts of making things all better with counseling. Move ahead, and concentrate on a new, happy life. Like they say and is so true, "Life is What You Make It!"

Answer 3

I think you should consider the children before deciding. That is if he is a good father and provider. Many people divorce and claim the reasons are, they are unhappy in the marriage. But then forget about the kids. They end up suffering. End up having to tolerate people in their lives they dislike. Like the new people in the parents lives. Once they date or hook up with someone else. Apart from all the changes. Moving,changing schools, friends,the things they are familiar with. etc... I once was one of the children I speak of. As one it reflects on the way I perceive certain things as an adult.

Answer 4

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 5

If he says he does not love you anymore, there is something that has been building for a long time. You just don't fall out of love, something has been happening for a while for it to come to this point. First have you consider a christian marriage counselor or a pastor of a church near by. If not maybe you ought to consider it. Second, have you and him set down a talked about it. Usually it is the little annoyances that starts the ball rolling to this point. My husband faced this situation with his first wife, this was her gripe. But after several years of marriage to this man I can understand how this could be considered. My husband loves TV and especially baseball and football. He controls the remote and he is not the most ambitious man when it comes to housekeeping. But I can ask him to do anything and usually does it and I know he loves me but sometimes I do wonder. But I am 52 years old and when I start feeling sorry for my self I get out and go somewhere or I have several interests that I tend to. I have found out that I don't want to face the facts sometimes the air needs to be cleared and you don't like to face that this might be a little bit confrontational. But after you both feel better. Just think about it and you and him set down, just the two of you and talk it out.

Answer 6

You lost the passion. You didn't loose the love. Love has history. You've grown together, you've had kids together, you share your lives together.

Redefine what you each want from the relationship. And, by all means, stop interpreting TV and Movies that deal with love as correct. They are showing you infatuation. Love can't be captured on camera. Love takes work. It takes time. It grows slowly and with many branches like a tree. Unless it was burned down with a major trust issue, it takes a lot of time to kill too. In fact, even if a trust issue does exist, you can often repair the burn.

Stick with each other for the kids sake. Slot out time each week to work on your relationship. Marriages that are set up (like in India) work just as well as those that start with infatuation. It just takes effort from both of you.

Answer 7

Coming from a broken home myself, I can honestly say I would not suggest staying together just for the children, for many reasons.

A. Children are highly sensitive to their environments, and if you are not happy together, trust me, they will sense this and in turn it will make them unhappy. And the longer you remain in an unhappy marriage, the more resentful you will become of each other, leading to arguments and a strained home life.

B. You said they are young - better to seperate now when they are more resiliant to change, than in another 5 yrs when the two of you truly are unhappy together and decide to seperate then. Teenagers have enough stress in their lives, do you really want to add just one more trauma to the raging hormones, puberty, struggle for independance, etc.?

C. Growing up into adults, and seeing that you continue to remain in a relationship you are unhappy with - they may be inclined to remain in an unhealthy relationship themselves - as children emulate their parents behaviors, they may believe this is the way things are supposed to be.

I understand that many people think staying together for the sake of the children is whats best for the child. They will get this from the two of you continuing to be a stable presence in their lives, making them feel secure, loved, keeping to a schedule, being honest with yourself and with them... All the things parents typically do - and it doesn't need to be done together for it to be any more effective.

Children coming from an unhealthy environment with parents who are in an unhappy relationship, will grow up to be adults living in an unhealthy environment in an unhappy relationship.

Answer 8

your husband does love u. sometimes he himself doesn't know that. he might have lost the passion but not the love.
do not simply divorce. first try to seperate from each other one of you should move out and take a break from each other
try not to see each other. have someone else be there when he comes to pick up the kids. don't even talk to each other for a while. sometimes all you really needed was just some space. ( ever hear that song by chicago "even lovers need a holiday") i wish u lots of luck---- there are good days ahead

Answer 9

If you guys stay together that situation would get worse and you need to end it now before it does get worse because two unhappy people make bad bed fellows. I am going through the same situation and I need to get out also and that is what I am going to do but it needs to admirable for the kids sake.

Answer 10

Dear Shelly,

I know this a difficult time, I would urge you to go to counseling. I know that is sooooo typical, but for the children I would give it my best shot. I ended up going to counseling for awhile without my husband, I never did nag him to go, but finally I told him, is this how you want to live the rest of our lives??? He still didn't go for awhile, but then he finally did and things are working out OK......I have learned after 18 years of marriage and 2 kids that there are times you don't necessarily "love" each other. But you stick with the commitment, hopefully your husband will come around.... Good Luck......